Give Dawn a spin-off strip called Weston Trek: The Next Generation
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Mary Worth, 3/6/23
I have been a Star Trek dork since I was a wee lad in the early ’80s, and one of great joys of having lived as long as I have is that I have now lived through multiple instances of whoever the Star Trek IP rights holder was at the time saying “Oh, remember Star Trek? The thing you thought we were never going to make any more of? Well, guess what: we’ve decided to make more of it. Enjoy!” Anyway, the current set of shows, which I will watch every episode of because I’m a huge slut for Star Trek, are something of mixed bag, just like every other iteration of the franchise has been, but I have to say that my biggest gripe about them is that they follow the modern-day arc-driven 10-to-12 episode season format, which basically means every episode is almost entirely about the overall season plot. This means that there’s no room for episodes like “Kirk and Spock go undercover on Planet Al Capone” or “Dr. Crusher hooks up with a ghost” or “The DS9 gang challenges some Vulcans to a baseball game,” which were never anybody’s idea of the “best” episodes at the time but which anyone who was watching then looks back on with great fondness.
Anyway, this all has a lot to do with the shifting economics of television (and I’m also pleased to say that Strange New Worlds and Lower Decks manage to do classic standalone episodes to a certain extent), but weirdly I feel like a similar shift has happened to another franchise that I will never stop being a fan of no matter what, which is to say Mary Worth, despite the fact that nothing about the structure of the soap opera comic strip has changed in years. But we’ve gotten so used to the storylines all being about core-cast-adjacent characters (mostly Wilbur and women who for reasons nobody can explain have sex with Wilbur, let’s be honest here) that we forget that a lot of our most beloved plots used to be about one-off grandstanding oddball characters who would come and go, people with sibling inheritance problems and shopping addictions and ill-advised flirtations with erotic art collectors and such. So I personally would be pretty psyched if this current storyline was less “What’s up with Wilbur’s ex’s love life” and more “How can this uncle/nephew veteranarian team overcome unfair Yelp reviews?”
Dennis the Menace, 3/6/23
OK, I’ll admit it: it’s pretty menacing to make a big mess when you have guests over and then immediately say “Clean up my mess? That mess happened in the past, Gina. The past! I’m moving forward, not backwards! Why are you dwelling on this?”
Shoe, 3/6/23
Now that marijuana is legal-ish in most of the U.S., even the core Shoe demographic is ready for jokes about it! That doesn’t mean that they would recognize the names of more than one famous person who enjoys using cannabis recreationally, however.
231 replies to “Give Dawn a spin-off strip called Weston Trek: The Next Generation”
Dustin: Ed, if you really want to go into full denial about your weight, switch the scale to “stones.” 22 stones sounds a lot smaller than 308 pounds. Dipwad.
Snuffy Smith: Oh gad. I didn’t realize Crankshaftitis made it all the way across the comics page to Höötin’ Hollar.
RMMD-“Prop him up in front of the tv and leave it on one of those old people channels and my dad will never know we are gone.”
JP-There’s a step two? I didn’t even know there was a step one.
FC-Melonheads are better not seen or heard.
FC-Just to be safe you should be quiet all the time.
Dennis’s stance makes it look like he stood up, knocked the milk over on purpose, then turned turned and delivered some sort of cryptic warning to Gina. Which would be insanely menacing, if not for the fact that Dennis is standing on a chair, while Gina is nearly matching his height from the floor and clearly could not be more bored by Li’l Brando’s performance of My First Streetcar.
MW: Not sure how seriously we should take Junior’s whining. Looking at his eyes in panel 2, I assume he’s taking full advantage of today’s liberal marijuana laws.
MW – Yelp Comment – Charterstone fire department sucks – said they were too busy – maybe try again next Tuesday. Unreliable! Avoid at all cost….
DtM – Gina’s look says it all – this guy’s philosophy of life is inconsistent with marriage material….
Shoe – This one must have been in the back of the idea drawer for quite a while. Rumors that the BBT going out of syndication prompted today’s supplication….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Josh: You now have me wondering if a mash-up of the worst episode ever of Star Trek:TOS and Mary Worth would improve things. Imagine “Turnabout Intruder,” Charterstone-style. Carlos Alora lures Wilbur into the basement, where our fat Schlub is put into a device alongside Mary. Carlos flips the switch, and in an instant the personalities and spiritual essences of the two are transferred, each into the other’s body. The meddlesome Mary lives in Wilbur’s body, and Wilbur now inhabits Mary’s form. Only Carlos knows the truth. Wilbur-as-Mary decides to visit Estelle and hilarity ensues.
Nice that spent a whole paragraph being irrelevant with Star Trek. Desperate much?
Don’t forget characters who are blind but won’t stop driving. I miss Hanna Dingdon.
MW: It begins to look like Dr. Ed and Nephew Steve are putting down all those animal patients whenever things get too busy.
MW: So, evidently Ed Norton thought he’d save a few bucks by taking his wife to the vet instead of a regulaar doctor.
FC – “And if you aren’t quiet, she’ll make you wear ugly pants. I learned that the hard way.”
Dennis the Menace: Remember when pictures of missing children were placed on milk cartons? Dennis’s parents are about to revive that tradition.
MW – Neff Nephewson’s eyes are the size of half-dollars. He’s all hepped up on goofballs. Somebody’s been hitting the meds cabinet.
Crankshaft : I swear this comic has done this bit before. Tomorrow, it’ll be Pam sneering at her dad for his stupidity, and then Jeff is all like “Actually, I think ‘Neason’ is a GREAT new word!” ?
********
Mary Worth : I was wondering why Josh was delivering this “Demonising ‘filler’ episodes killed episodic television, which in turn actually made TV shows MORE disposable, not less!” rant about Mary Worth, then I realised he’s doing it about Mary Worth, one of the last, longest-running serialised entertainment he still follows and likes (RIP A3G, your humiliating death throes do not take away your decades of Above Averageness).
********
Phoebe and Unicorn : I was wondering why Robot Phoebe was not present amongst the “Replacement Phoebe” line-up, then I remembered she’s currently floating helplessly in space.
I then wondered why Marigold didn’t just purchase a new Robot Phoebe, then I realised it might be because of the existential angst of getting an identical replacement to an individual you’re close to
(that, or Roombas are too expensive for a unicorn to buy)*********
Shoe : I’m surprised the celebrities that gets namedropped weren’t Cheech & Chong…. Oh no, is one of them dead and I forgot?
MW: Ha, just look at Ed’s face upon hearing that someone has been besmirching his vet office online. I really do hope he is the type of business owner to respond to each and every comment with a cool-but-indignant retort that serves only to escalate the situation. “Actually, ma’am, I think you’ll find that we did try to help out Trixie, but apparently there are just so many people out there that leave plastic bags out to be eaten by their ‘beloved’ pets that we were completely swamped. Hope you were more lucky in Springfield.”
DtM: The mood that I’m picking up from this scene is that Dennis slapped over his own glass of milk to make a dramatic point. “I never cry over split milk, Gina. Milkshakes, maybe, but you are no milkshake. I hope you two are very happy together.”
Shoe: Surely — surely — Snoop Dogg has reached a point in mainstream popularity to merit inclusion as a token celebrity pot smoker alongside Willie Nelson? He’s been a pop icon for 30 years, does commercials for Corona, and has a show with Marth freakin’ Stewart! What more do you need, ultranormies?
@Harvey Harveyson: Nice that spent a whole paragraph being irrelevant with Star Trek. Desperate much?
You know, if you subscribe to the site you can edit your comments :)
MW: Of all the directions this “Wilbur is stalking Estelle” story could go, I really wasn’t expecting a biting commentary on the unfairness of review-bombing veterinary clinics.
Shoe: It’s always fascinating how these various strips consistently construct their terrible jokes. You have the “oh yeah, carts need those horse things” method in Shoe where the writer clearly comes up with a wordplay punchline first and then lazily slaps a clunky set-up in front of it that in no way resembles human speech. Then you have the “these six no-wheeled carts will go great with my horse” angle that Tom Batiuk uses to line up a week’s worth of Funkyshaft. Blondie has “it’s National Cart Day, time for a pile of junk food and a nap,” Beetle Bailey has “Wednesday boobs… oh yeah, get a horse and cart in there,” and Family Circus has “horsies pull the darndest carts.” And at the bottom you have 9 Chickweed Lane with horses mounting each other in a lake with no cart in sight and Marvin abandoning all pretense at cart-pulling in favor of watching horses poop.
MW – They REFUSED to treat my Trixie!
Ed: “Oh, that was that ‘Hi’ guy and his wife, Lois. Trixie was obsessed with sunbeams. I suggested they throw a towel over her cage to trick her into thinking it’s night.”
@Josh have you checked out the Orville? It started out ostensibly as a parody of the Star Trek franchise but pretty much immediately became a faithful tribute with a couple jokes thrown in every now and then. Its the best Star Trek show (that’s not really a Star Trek show) on TV right now.
Mary Worth – Mary Worth is giving us all the medical drama that Rex Morgan MD isn’t, with cute animals to boot.
Dennis the Menace – Gina will definitely be the first disciple of Dennis’ cult (Joey is too soft and malleable to be a proper #2, and Margaret will be emotionally strung along and used for her intelligence later). This is one of the first moves – deliberately break a social taboo and justify it by force of personality.
Shoe – CBS has gotten so desperate to fight the decline of broadcast viewing that they have rebooted their last major sitcom hit long before any of the core cast has been desperate enough to do a reboot.
I’m not surprised The Perfesser looks so dejected, it’s the 21st Century yet no one has created a bong that can fit a beak.
Shoe: On tonight’s episode of The Big Bong Theory Willie’s chill is interrupted when Miley Cyrus cuts off his pony tail to use as a merkin.
@pugfuggly: What would be really funny would be if Harvey and the dude with the bizarre fixation with criticizing Josh’s proof-reading were the same person.
I personally would love to see Lt. Worf appear in Mary Worth. Picture Mary advising him on his love life, a la Troi. Oh, hey – Mary Worf!
“Trixie, of course, is what I call my vagina.” – Stell.
Both of my local newspapers replaced ‘Dilbert’ with the same strip – Crabgrass. Is it my imagination or is Crabgrass reminiscent of Calvin and Hobbes? The mom has that same unpleasant expression. Are those three dots next to her eyes prison tattoos?
Trying to think of another long-running TV show where they could take a break from the regular format and have a major character fuck a ghost. …Roz from Frasier perhaps?
Luann: This old biddy could give Mary Worth a run for her muffins with all these idiotic platitudes. Why give someone the classroom instruction they paid for when you can just belittle them with synonyms?
9CL: People engaging in amorous activities in a car? Were there no convenient pianos or swimming pools nearby?
JP: Maybe Marciuliano hasn’t completely lost sight of what’s happening in this strip, seeing as at least Judge Duncan realizes that even though this story’s been running for six months it still hasn’t progressed beyond what could charitably be called “Step 1.”
RMMD: What, what, effing what? Why are these characters talking about long road trips and Hank Harwood, Sr. in the same sentence? They wouldn’t… oh no. Oh. God. No.
DtM: Dennis made the same kind of display at breakfast only in regards to ‘Pissing in One’s Cheerios.’
JP: Not sure the Judge’s plea for mercy came out quite the way he wanted. “Yeah, that’s it, beat the crap out of me until I pass out! THEN you’ll be sorry!”
GT: “I did wha . . . Five hu . . . For YOU??? D’OH!”
RMMD: You better fly. You’ll never survive two days in a car with this level of conversation.
CS: Batty’s already got me begging to go back to Lillian and Mopey Pete.
MW: Stell is further discouraged when at the conclusion of their next date an exhausted Dr Ed’s penis resembles that faucet.
“It’s not my fault she thought I meant Springfield, Ohio.”
@Hibbleton: I could see it. “I appreciate you taking this seance seriously, Roz, but this isn’t what I meant when I told you to get in the spirit of things.” *laughtrack*
9CL – Today, tween Amos and tween Edda watch from an upper story window as two high school kids get it on in what is apparently a convertible. Will we get another plot where they ask all half dozen people they know about what they saw and how the couple managed to take such a long time to do it – the traffic light changed – twice! – before they were finished!?
What happened to the sophisticated strip about music and the arts and people of legal age? I didn’t read that version, but it seems it would be less puerile and might respect the significance of the passage of time, which is significant because time moves in a single direction, fleeing from the past, so when you think about the significance of the passage of time, you think of linear time and not this jumbled “hey, how old will they be today!?” crap.
FC: Today’s updated gag replaces an old one where the kids were soiled with fireplace soot.
FC: Dolly adds; “but if you shit yourself because Mommy almost gets us killed, it’s okay to scream.”
@jroggs:
Perfect!
Mary Worth: I’m impressed that the #$%^€s at Animal Hospital recall that particular incident. I’d bet every third cat or dog or hamster coming through the place is named Trixie.
MW – You referred them to the animal hospital in Springfield? Well, there’s your problem. They knew their dog was toast when Dr. Nick Riviera greeted them with “Hi, everybody!”
Dennis – That thousand-yard stare indicates Gina’s having a flashback to her experiences at the Korova Milk Bar.
JP: All Judge Duncan wants for Christmas is his two front teeth.
Shoe – I thought the star of “The Big Bong Theory” was Quasimodo.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Looking forward to another recital of The Wit and Wisdom of Don Abundio?”
“Certainly not!”
“Let’s go get it over with”
“Yes, let’s”
“Is there any of these stories that would get you to shut up?”
[Labels: OFFICE STORIES, SALESMAN STORIES, SHAGGY DOG STORIES, etc.]
“I also never count my chickens before they hatch, Gina. And I have never thrown a baby out with the bathwater. I’ve never even thrown out bathwater! Who does that? Bathtubs have drains! I may have a slingshot, but I’ve never killed two bir… HEY! Who are you calling an idiom?!?”
***
Dr. Nephew looks absolutely horrified to discover that online reviews aren’t reliable.
@Rube:Hmm, I hadn’t come across that second one yet. It’s funny what some folks choose to spend their time on ( I say as I fritter away minutes at the office checking a blog about daily comics!)
MW: #$%^€!? What’s Gil Thorp’s middle name have to do with a Yelp review?
RMMD: You know they’re going to be stuck dragging that old bastard along for the honeymoon.
POPEYE: Olive, surely you already *know* what Popeye’s middle name and last name are — “the” and “Sailorman.” (The only question is if he hyphenates as Sailor-Man, but I suspect not; that sounds too land-lubberly.)
If you’re angry at people not appreciating your efforts to help animals, maybe don’t kvetch about a review complaining about a time you didn’t help an animal.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: This “joke” involving kids watching much older people boink and then filing away that information for later has already been done to death with the twins. I’m surprised that this version of kid Edda is so uninformed about sex, as the way she’s written now suggests that she’s the kind of kid who can find the sex scenes in any book.
Shoe: At a Thanksgiving Eve service many years ago, I asked the congregation to name something they were grateful for, as you do. One gentleman, a loudmouthed right-wing Vietnam Era Marine veteran—the Fox News core viewership, in short—stood up and gave thanks for the “special medicine” that gave him relief from his arthritis, and his friend Steve two pews up, who was gracious enough to supply him with said special medicine. Dude outed his drug dealer in a worship service, in other words. All of which is to say: Shoe readers may not be able to name more than one lover of the devil’s lettuce, but Pluggers sure as hell can.
Shoe — Making a joke about a show that hasn’t been on in five years and has been irrelevant for at least ten is totally on-brand for Shoe, but they got around to it a decade before Crock.
DtM — I kind of thought that was Gina’s house, which would explain the “oh shit I’m in trouble” look on her face.
@jroggs: #29
Re “though this story’s been running for six months it still hasn’t progressed beyond what could charitably be called “Step 1.”
I think even that phrase is being generous; how about “Stumble 1”?
@pugfuggly @rube: I read a lot of manga, and in the comments, someone will invariably bitch about slow pacing or unreasonable characters or some thing or another. I just think, you’ve been reading this, for free, for multiple chapters. Why would you not just give up and go read something you like better, unless the complaining is what entertains you?
And then I remember what we do around here.
@But What Do I Know? You very much underestimate the daily comic readership’s ability to perseverate on a show they like.
MW: The first round of spontaneous purges at the beginning of the Animalapocalypse targeted Harding’s animal hospital, as the pets remembered all their brothers that had been refused service, euthanised or castrated. But until they gather enough strength to carry out propaganda of the deed, the animal revolutionaries have to rely on propaganda of the word, i.e. nasty reviews on Yelp.
Pluggers: I protest! Having lots of pens in your front pocket is an engineer, or possibly doctor, stereotype. Pluggers don’t have such high-brow professions and while they need a pen to mark where to cut planks or to write things down on their to-do lists, they certainly don’t need to so many pens that they fill two pockets.
Pluggers: I thought it was women’s shirts that needed two front pockets, to allow them to be worn without a bra. And while a female plugger may certainly wear such a shirt, they don’t really need two pockets – she-pluggers are too old and fat to go braless.
Mutt & Jeff: I’m going to use that “starving Granny in Ireland” bit.
@Edda’s Piano Bench Has Seen Things: 9CL – “I’m surprised that this version of kid Edda is so uninformed about sex”
This is apparently Child Edda, as she is much more squished down and not nearly as sexy as Tween Edda or Teenage Edda or Adult Edda. And Amos still has the rat’s nest hair, so he’s still a child in today’s installment as well. Brooke really needs to start using labels so we can tell them apart.
MW: Dr. Ed Harding: “But people love our animal hospital. We’re packed every night!”
Chef Gordon Ramsey: “Look at your online reviews! One star! One star! This is pathetic! You’re pathetic!!”
Jon Taffet: “You’ve just @&$€£ given up, haven’t you?! What a loser!”
Luann: This is, of course, absolutely worthless advice. As everybody except the the geriatric professor knows, blockages can be unblocked just as locks can be unlocked and hurdles can be unhurdled (oops, sorry, the metaphor just broke down).
Luann’s face shows just what she thinks. “I need help but you didn’t help me, you just held me up as an example of negative thinking. Thanks a bundle!”
@Little Blue Bicycle: …Taffer…
Pluggers: It’s getting hard to find shirts with even one pocket.
// Decline in adult smoking?
Mary Worth: I was kinda sympathetic to Ed and his nephew bitching about the downsides of being vets before but this has just gotten kinda pathetic now. We get it, boys, you’re such noble individuals and so overworked you don’t deserve even the slightest negativity. Cry about the bad Yelp reviews at home if they’re really such a big deal to you.
Dennis The Menace: “Fuck the police,” declared Dennis the Menace as he knocked over his own milk for no reason.
Shoe: I love how weirdly suicidally depressed the Perfesser looks about this incredibly lame pun. “God, if marijuana is a pop cultural fixture now, what hope does the world have?”
RMMD: There they go again. Setting me up to think that, just maybe, Horrible Hank Sr. (my death pool pick) will die a peaceful death while being left alone. But I’m now thinking the main characters are to be used for “dramatic suspense” and won’t actually be killed off.
He survived being “asleep on an airplane” AND being left alone for a week(?) while Junior went off to woo and wed Yvonne. But – maybe third time’s the charm? Okay, I’m in! This time they’re going to do it! RIP, Hank Sr.!
DT: We’re at a critical juncture here, where the writer will have to decide if this is a Nero Wolfe story or a Dick Tracy story. If it’s the former, the black orchid is just a Macguffin that serves to lure Wolfe out of his seclusion. If it’s the latter, the black orchid will turn out to be poisonous and the source of a powerful mind-control drug or something like that, and the villain will end up dying a gruesome death from black orchid poisoning.
The former will probably lead to a much more coherent and realistic story, the second will be more fun. Guess what the creators have chosen?
GT: Haha (or perhaps I should write it in Spanish: “Jaja”), Luke just got hoist by his own petard. If only I could believe that this was a deliberate trap set up by Gil, and not just blind luck.
It intrigues me that Dr. Ed (which, btw, are we really calling him that?) knows which customer wrote that review. It means that either: (a) he’s only ever refused anyone service one single time; (b) he’s only ever encountered one animal called “Trixie”; or (c) he has already seen that review, looked up the person who posted it in his records, and memorized the entire thing along with his own hypersensitive defensive response. I’m thinking probably option B – there can’t be two people who would name an animal after the Hi and Lois baby.
MW – Though Estelle was clever enough to hide her identity as the author of the bad Yelp review, she revealed herself with her reference to Dr. Ed Harding. She’s no Artheur.
Luann; I’m not sure I understand why the Evansii would choose to portray Luann as bone stupid, dull and untalented. Yet with occasional flashes of effortless genius in childcare.
Someone just gave Luann the clap.
MW: At a recent sales training I attended, the instructor noted that while online reviews do carry a lot of weight with people, the vast majority will also take into account how the business responds to those reviews, especially negative ones. Meaning that if Nephew Harding would quit his whining and take five minutes to type out “We’re sorry we couldn’t see Trixie. Due to high demand we are unable to accommodate walk-ins, yadda yadda yadda”–or more likely, take fifteen seconds to tell the front desk staff to type it out–we could get past the boring part of the arc and back to what this strip does best, namely Wilbur being the worst.
Shoe: I would think the Shoe writers would be familiar with Cheech and Chong, but maybe they were afraid their readers would be uncomfortable if they got too “ethnic”?
Uh, Josh? The core demographic for Shoe can’t remember the name of more than one pot-smoking celebrity because they were constantly attached to a bong themselves back in the 60s and 70s. These are boomers, remember? Plus I’m pretty sure that aside from Willie Nelson, most of those celebrities are dead. Now where are my rolling papers?
Shoe: My gynecologist friend (who says his job stinks) said he examined a woman who had a tattoo of Robert Redford on one side of her cooter and of Elvis on the other side. “Recognize anyone there, Doc?” she asked.
He replied, “I don’t know the one on the left or the one on the right, but the one in the middle is Willie Nelson.”
@Professor Well Actually: Well, they portray everybody as being pretty horrible. This teacher is incredibly bad, just for one.
MW – Moy and Brigman must have more respect for Dr. E. D.’s clinic than they do for the local institution of higher learning. At least they didn’t name the clinic ANIMAL hospital.
Pluggers haven’t noticed that men’s shirts with two pockets will usually have pocket flaps, often with buttons. This makes them useless for carrying around their pens, tire gauges, etc.
Phantom: Now, we’re getting to the nitty gritty. Her husband perforated with bullets? Life-saving operation by a veterinarian? Savarna’s revenge on Jampa? Tibetan village getting bombed? Her son’s paramour assassinating Ghost-Who’s-Mistaken-For-An-Assassin? Trivial. Diana will be damned if she lets the prophecy play out and allow her husband to hook up with that pirate hussy.
@Edda’s Piano Bench Has Seen Things: 9CL: Brooke has been obsessed with postulating Edda and Amos as children who are (implausibly for their apparent ages) completely ignorant of the slightest notion of sex and seeking to be initiated into the mystery. Combine that with his other obsession for depicting children watching people having sex, and it’s all genuinely a bit disturbing.
MW: Just look at Steven’s eyes in the second panel. He’s just one more bad review from a psychotic breakdown.
Hmm, I wonder what the weapon of choice of a vet on a murderous rampage would be. Scalpel? Bone saw? Poison-filled syringe? Dr. Ed had better not tell his nephew the address of the Karen who owns Trixie, or I’m afraid that question will be answered very soon.
Archie: “What are you gibbering about, Archie? Programming is an art. I am an artist. Besides, Mr. Lodge is paying me.”
On Luann : what strikes me is Tara’s smirk. Apparently, she’s now has the character trait of “smug about being smarter and more studious than Luann” (isn’t that Bernice’s thing?). It wasn’t that long ago she was “I dropped out and have a job now, while you’re struggling in school making nothing!”, and before that, she was a juvenile delinquent who put zero effort in class…
… I’d say it’s character development, but
I know it’s just inconsistent writingit’s not organic and flowing enough to be that…@Lo! Scudder: And if she has a paisley shawl, then Bob’s your uncle.
9CL: Two couples making out in the same car? Kinky!
9CL: “Observations: male #1 has his hand ut the skirt of female #1. He must be hurting her, since she’s moaning loudly. Male #2 seems to be removing the brassiere of female #2 with his teeth. This is truly bizarre. What if it gets caught in his braces?”
@Anonymous: “On Luann : what strikes me is Tara’s smirk. Apparently, she’s now has the character trait of “smug about being smarter and more studious than Luann” (isn’t that Bernice’s thing?).”
But Luann isn’t being made an example of for being dumb or not studious; she’s made into an example of negative thinking (because apparently mentioning “writer’s block”, something which just about every writer or aspiring writer ever feels free to discuss on the net nowadays, is considered negative thinking).
I can only conclude that Tara finds it genuinely funny that Luann is being made uncomfortable. What a jerk.
@gardenornament: #55
“Pluggers: I protest! Having lots of pens in your front pocket is an engineer, or possibly doctor, stereotype. Pluggers don’t have such high-brow professions and while they need a pen to mark where to cut planks or to write things down on their to-do lists, they certainly don’t need to so many pens that they fill two pockets.”
Shirt pockets are useful for things other than pens. At the moment, I have my eyeglasses and one pen in the left pocket of my shirt, and my phone in the right pocket. (No, calm down, I haven’t gone over to smartphones; my landline has two receivers and I usually carry one with me so I don’t have to run to the base set to answer it.)
When I’m out and about (which is rare in recent weeks), I carry my billfold (translation for non-Pluggers: wallet) in one pocket (since I’d be wearing my eyeglasses — at home I don’t use them for reading or other close-up stuff). The other pocket contains my checkbook (translation for non-Pluggers: thing Pluggers use in preference to plastic) and a pen.
At various times I may also have a COVID mask and/or a cloth handkerchief in one pocket or the other (though I’ll always also have a couple of handkerchiefs in my trouser pockets).
Two-pocket shirts can be difficult to find at the Goodwill (translation for non-Pluggers: clothing store) so I tend to stock up on any I do find there.
“Dr Ed Harding and his vet team are a bunch of Gil Thorpes!”
9CL: Maybe Tennessee could stop harassing drag performers and start asking why Brooke McEldowney is so interested in pubescent girls having sexual awakenings?
JP: You know your heroes have been dragging things out too much when even the villain is telling them to wrap it up already.
Luann: Well good job, Mrs. Horner, you made me feel sorry for Luann. I didn’t think that was possible.
MT: Once again I must ask, where the Hell do Mark and Cherry live? The local stores may have the gardening supplies out, but outside the plants are only just starting to think about waking up, and it will be a good two to three months before the roses will be in full bloom. Maybe Earnest came by to explain that Cherry’s labor is unnecessary as the garden is made of plastic?
Archie: The joke’s on you, Archie. Dilton will of course advertise his product using the normal channels. People who haven’t bought it will see the ads. Only the people who are already his customers will not see it. That’s just about perfect!
@Plugger Shrug: Well, I can buy that pluggers need many pockets. I was reacting more to the fact that the plugger in the cartoon apparently need them mainly to carry around a lot of pens, and that’s a rather un-pluggery stereotype.
And isn’t it more pluggery to carry things in their rear trouser pocket and sit on them? Or in their jacket pockets in cold weather?
By the way, doesn’t the very fact that you’re posting here make you not a plugger?
@Charterstoned: Really? A mind-switch episode? Are you sure you’re not confusing Star Trek and Gilligan’s Island?
@gardenornament: “Ha Ha!*. I’m a weak girly man! I win!!”
*In the Milford tongue.
@Ukulele Ike: Ah, yeah, Turnabout Intruder was worse than any episode of Gilligan’s Island. It seems to have been disappeared from Star Trek continuity—its message that women folks is too hysterical to do men’s work like captaining didn’t play well in the Sixties, and has still managed to age horribly.
@astroboy: I wish I’d thought of this crossover mashup! Well played!
This is not a great message for kids: “Don’t do cannabis like cool rock stars! Pathetic losers like the Perfesser despise Marijuana!” Just kidding, no kid reads comics unless they are already stoned!
MW: “And some of these reviews are really weird! Look at this one by Wilbur Mayolover: ‘Dr Harding has sex with animals and will never be a cool as a syndicated columnist!'”
MW: My wife is an enrolled agent and prepares taxes for people in walks of life. You know who is typically on the top of the heap? Veterinarians. Those people rake it in. Yelp be damned!
BG&SS: “Probiotics” is just a fancy word for bacteria we used to have naturally in our intestines, but now need to take in expensive capsules because our modern diet is heavily processed and lacks those bacteria. I think Snuffy’s lifestyle and lack of hygiene means he won’t need them. You’re right to be sceptic, Snuffy, because I think Doc here is about to scam you.
@Baja Gaijin:
Snuffy Smith: Oh gad. I didn’t realize Crankshaftitis made it all the way across the comics page to Höötin’ Hollar.
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Why does the bottle have a nipple on it?
Dennis has no regret or even conception of the past, he lives for now and he only lives only to realise his will! Nietzschean children are very menacing, but only to Untermenschen!
“Listen to this on-line review of our practice! ‘Cheap signage, poor use of typeface, decent kerning. Try something that doesn’t look pasted on, and maybe a nice serif or two? And they killed my cat. Two stars.'”
BB: Sarge can’t blame anyone but himself for letting an untrained infantry soldier drive a tank.
I bet the writer doesn’t see it that way, though. “Of course Beetle can drive a tank. He’s a soldier, and that’s the kind of thing soldiers do, right? Oh, don’t bother answering – I’m already late for my golf game.”
S: Let’s see, the singer is from the last century, but the TV series they reference has only ended in years, not decades! Who says that comic strips are not up to date?!
@lynn:
The Cleveland paper also switched to Crabgrass. I think this strip has some promise. Anyway, it’s a lot better than when they replaced FW with Beetle Bailey, which hasn’t had a fresh idea in 40 years.
Crock: No, Grossie didn’t find it funny. Nor did the audience.
MW: While checking online reviews for Animal Hospital, Steve accidentally presses the “alert” button on his communicator and is immediately beamed into the void of outer space by Engineer Scott.
Dustin: Switching to metric unit isn’t enough. A kilo is just a little more than two pounds. With his weight problem, he really should by a British scales that measures weight in stone (14 lbs).
HtH: Haha, as if Hägar would content himself with just stealing everything that isn’t nailed down. He’s going to burn your castle anyway. The little property damage caused by pulling out those nails is nothing!
@Rube: OTOH, it gave William Shatner an AWESOME opportunity to play a woman—or at least his version of how a mentally deranged, power-hungry, man-hating woman trying to pass as a starship captain would behave. At least he didn’t make muffins.
JP: Clearly, the Judge has been here before.
Sally Forth – If this was real life, id have kicked sallys mother to the curb and then some.
i would have also kicked her sisters jackies ass to the curb too.
Hi and Lois- nothing says im an entitled bitch
like ” oh honey, theres a sale on jewelry and our anniversary is coming up”. why dont you get on your back and earn it Lois.
Curtis – Hey you people that wear the sagging pants and think its cool to look like a low class slob. You do realize that style originated in prison, it means that you were somebodys bitch taking it up the ass.
@pugfuggly: #16
Not to mention *delete* them…
@Rube: @Charterstoned: Yeah, I don’t buy it.
If Captain Kirk’s mind was placed in the body of a women, he’d spend the whole episode playing with his new boobs.
That was me. Unexpected log-out.
Slylock: Since the title “Sir” is used together with the holder’s first name (or their full name, but that’s not the case here), I can only conclude that Hound is Sir Hound’s first name, and the animal aristocracy are naming their children after their species.
If that’s the general rule, then Sir Hound’s brother is probably called Dog, which not a bad name.
But his poor sister must have a real problem with her name.
Mary Worth: You can’t actually swear on the major online review sites. (Or even do the silly comic-strip version with punctuation marks.) Also, do you know what’s actually a fair reason for a bad review of an animal hospital? Saying, “We’re too busy to treat your dying cat — why not try driving an hour in traffic to the next town over?” (An unfair review would be, “Every time I stalk my ex, she’s sucking face with one of your vets! I don’t like that! 2 stars!”)
Dennis the Menace: Dennis isn’t the bad guy here, Gina. Plastic straws are the real menace!
Shoe: Hey, I just made a “Willie Nelson smokes pot” joke here over the weekend! I may not be a plugger yet, but I’m finally a “Shoe.”
@Peanut Gallery: “…then Bob’s your uncle.”
And not my rich uncle…
@Anonymous: Good point.
@Charterstoned:
@Josh: You now have me wondering if a mash-up of the worst episode ever of Star Trek:TOS and Mary Worth would improve things.
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“Willburp’s Brain” “Mayo and mayo! What is mayo?”, “And the Willburp Shall Lead” etc etc etc….
@Ukulele Ike: Hey, did you know that you can put the lyrics of the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song to the tune of “Amazing Grace”—and vice versa? I mean, if you have nothing else to do. Or if you just want want to entertain people on an elevator by singing it low, under your breath.
@pastordan: #49
Was that a “high church” service?
Sorry…I’ll slip quietly out the back now…
@Charterstoned: Kudos to the Star Trek folks for titling that particular episode, an homage to the great comic writer Thorne Smith’s 1931 novel Turnabout!
Marvin: In the first draft of today’s comic, grandma had Marvin’s first soiled diaper framed.
@Garrison Skunk: How about Miri Worth, “Bunk bunk!” I always thought “Miri and the Grups” would be a great name for a punk rock band.
Update on the Seattle Times poll from last week: They went with Sherman’s Lagoon for the weekday print edition. I’m OK with that.
MW: “And then there’s this review: ‘Dr. Ed Hardy rates a six and a half on the datability scale. He’s old, but not too droopy. Has most of his hair, boring musical tastes, and a working car. Nice ass. Skin smells like dog food. Pierre and Libby love him.’ Welp, at least there’s nothing there about me!”
My favorite Star Trek trivia: “City on the Edge of Forever” was filmed on the Andy Griffith Show set. At one point, Shatner and Joan Collins walk past Floyd’s Barber Shop. I think that would’ve been the ultimate mashup, but Star Trek/Mary Worth would be close.
Mary Worth: The Mayo Generation.
@Little Blue Bicycle: Love that screen trivia. Roy Roger’s horse Trigger was the same horse ridden by Olivia deHaviland’s Maid Marian in “The Adventures of Robin Hood.” Another deHaviland vehicle, “Gone With the Wind” used the huge walls from the “King Kong” set as fuel for the burning of Atlanta scenes. Waste not, want not!
GA: And despite everyone’s names being stated on Saturday, they all get said again today. Just how much of this strip’s total dialogue is devoted to characters reciting each other’s names?
SFx: Oh, I’m sorry, I guess I just missed the part where I was told elderly Sir Hound had 20-20 vision. Excuuuuse me for thinking they were his glasses, and that the solution was because the noteboook was under the flower vase. And who labels a notebook “passwords” anyhow? Grr…
@Flipper: Oh, the dog is wearing glasses. Never mind.
Slylick Fox and Comix For Kinx: “Say, Slylick, old chap, would you mind keeping your mouse from pooping on my slippers? They’re genuine Hush Puppies™ you know,very valuable.”
@Anonymous: If Captain Kirk’s mind was placed in the body of a women, he’d spend the whole episode playing with his new boobs.
***
I know I would.
@Daisy: [look of disapproval goes here]
@Hibbleton: I can imagine Blanche from The Golden Girls doing that. She has a history of boinking any man who’s still breathing, so it would be different to do one who isn’t breathing.
@Charterstoned: Oh, my gosh. You’re right!
MW: “The animals benefit from our efforts, even if the pet owners don’t understand everything we do.” Just what kind of procedures are they performing on pet owners?
(Besides monetary extraction from wallets, of course.)
@jroggs: 9CL: People engaging in amorous activities in a car? Were there no convenient pianos or swimming pools nearby?
And was the diner closed today?
DtM: Gina is transfixed by the abundant white fluid Dennis has spilled in her presence.
Rex Morgan – I have a sinking feeling that Terry Beatty has a much different definition of “adventure” than I do.
FC – The teddy bear is trying to figure out where Dolly got those groovy pants. Retro clothing shop? Thel saved them from her own childhood? Time travel?
Crankshaft – Why in the world would she even ask him? That’s something that goes in the trash can without even thinking about it.
We found outdated crap like that when we cleaned out Mr. Jive’s father’s house after he passed away.
9CL – Child Edda appears to be around eight or nine, and she knows nothing about what she’s watching. Pfft. By the time the viper twins are that age they’ll be running a sex clinic or be madames in a bordello.
Shoe: A timely reference to a TV show that first aired 15 years ago.
@pugfuggly: Surely — surely — Snoop Dogg has reached a point in mainstream popularity to merit inclusion as a token celebrity
I think you meant tokin’ celebrity? For that matter, Snoopy Dogg Dogg and Martha Stewart can hardly be thought of separately anymore.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I know I would.
You could try, but he’d probably punch you.
@Bryan:
GA: And despite everyone’s names being stated on Saturday, they all get said again today. Just how much of this strip’s total dialogue is devoted to characters reciting each other’s names?
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Shhhhhhhhh! Before they start up Boog’s on first, Ida Know’s on second…….
Mary Worth: Having read the archives it is weird how of all things, Mary Worth became more seralized. I don’t mind it as it honestly makes way more sense to have the drama of the week be adjacent to characters we know , even if it means less erotic art horror stories or milquetoast sycnronized karate. The price you pay I suppose.
Gil Thorpe: Gil’s sweaty liftathon with Luke turns out to have been a ploy, as he knew the only way Hernandez gets hard is via competittion.
Crankshaft: Crankshaft is back in his own strip and i’ve noticed something: none of you here or on go comics seem to really LIKE ed.. but the strip seems honestly worse when he or his child and in law are gone from it. Like is Crankshaft a terrible person? Yes, absolutley it’s the strips gimmick. But is he better than a week about an aging choir director or a bookstore owner and Mopey Pete and Grandaughter of Crankshaft’s sex life? yes. I mean with Crankers you at least get flamethrowers and malproper and solid jokes. And I don’t blame Mopey pete for last week, his inclusion makes some sense (if none timeline wise), I blame the lack of anything resembling a joke. Unless “I like to think of it as your origin story” counts as a joke to which my response is still BOOO MOPEY PETE BOOOO
Judge Parker: You know evil Judge Man’s rantings would have more weight if he hadn’t been beaten up twice and we hadn’t spent the last eterntiy having someone tell us he was there when said Evil Judge Man shot his family, instead of giving the Spencers the idea to just keep hitting him in a circle till he passes out, treating his wounds then htiting him again.
@Bismo Funyuns:
Shoe: A timely reference to a TV show that first aired 15 years ago.
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In the Shoe-verse, I suppose Young Sheldon is a literal egghead.
MW: The continuing stooooooooory of a quack, who’s gone to the dogs.
“Oooooh. Look at this one, Uncle Ed! She hates us. We totally own her.
The Big Bong Theory only lasted half a season as viewers quickly tired of stoners staring at their hands between rounds of playing Mario Cart.
MW (meta): If there were a Star Trek/Mary Worth spinoff focusing on Dawn, that would be huge thumb in the eye to Jared.
@Anonymous:
*********
Shoe : I’m surprised the celebrities that gets namedropped weren’t Cheech & Chong…. Oh no, is one of them dead and I forgot?
________________
Cheep & Song (because they’re birds).
@Maude R. Fawker:
I think you meant tokin’ celebrity?
__________
Does J.R.R. Tokin’ “ring” a bell?
@Little Blue Bicycle:
My favorite Star Trek trivia: “City on the Edge of Forever” was filmed on the Andy Griffith Show set. At one point, Shatner and Joan Collins walk past Floyd’s Barber Shop. I
______________
I think Harlin Ellison said it best when he said,”They’re walking down f-ing Mayberry! I’m an F-ing genius! Why the hell won’t anyone respect what I wrote??!?”
@pugfuggly:
Shoe: Surely — surely — Snoop Dogg has reached a point in mainstream popularity to merit inclusion as a token celebrity pot smoker alongside Willie Nelson?
He reached a -joint- in mainstream popularity, but you really shouldn’t call him “Shirley Shirley”.
@UncleJeff:
MW: The continuing stooooooooory of a quack, who’s gone to the dogs.
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Rowlf the Dawg would definitely be a step up from Willburp for Stale.
Crank: Are Ed’s malapropisms funny? No. But what if he came up with one that was so incomprehensible he had to spend the last panel explaining it? Even more no, obviously.
DT: Now we’re bringing Brenda Starr into this? Guys, one unnecessary and probably unlicenced crossover at a time! Tomorrow Dick explains St John’s ties to the Cranleigh family from the Doctor Who serial “Black Orchid”, and later this week the DC superheroine Black Orchid will turn out to be involved as well, somehow.
Also, I’ve looked it up, and Wolfe acquired three black orchids in the 1941 novella Black Orchids, so I guess this story is set before that.
GT: So remember when this started and we were all “Ha ha, Luke’s going to end up raising money for Milford, because he’s an idiot”? And then later we were more “Okay, but there must be some reason it doesn’t work like that, because he’s not really that much of an idiot, surely?” Well, now we know. The man’s an idiot.
JP: “Look, you morons can bludgeon me into unconsciousness it you want…”
“Okay!”
“I hadn’t finished!”
PBS: Rat feels guilt? Or has he just got feeling guilty about stuff confused with being guilty of stuff?
@Garrison Skunk: In the Shoe-verse, I suppose Young Sheldon is a literal egghead.
Eggshelldon.
@Little Blue Bicycle:
“I think that would’ve been the ultimate mashup, but Star Trek/Mary Worth would be close.”
I’d love to see Mary trying her meddling skills on Cdr. Spock. Capt. Kirk seducing Dawn or Wilbur hitting on Yeoman Rand, less so.
CS: Pam holds up a jar containing a pair of severed testicles floating in formaldehyde and throws them away since Jeff hasn’t used them in years.
Pluggers: A plugger’s shirt pockets will have ink stains from all those leaking pens.
@Harvey Harveyson: OK, this is the funniest shit you’ve posted yet
@Inspector Gotcha: The Philadephia Inquirer replaced FW with Candorville, which is pretty good. Making fun of Scott Adams right now.
9CL – Four kids in a small convertible parked right outside the school building for the local Catholic school (which seems to be several stories high) in the middle of the school day decide this is an appropriate place for some group sex action. Ok, sure.
And Amos and Edda are peering down from …. a classroom? the school library? … whatever. And they watch these four people crammed into the two-door vehicle like lemmings in a shiny metal box trying to … well, who knows, these are unreliable narrators. Maybe someone dropped a cigarette and the other three are making sure it doesn’t burn a hole in someone’s Dockers? Whatever. Now Amos and Edda are off to ask the nearest authority figure whether they were doing the Hokey-Pokey.
“Well, my year-long sequence where Edda tries to learn how babies are made can now lead right into this year-long sequence where Edda tries to learn how to get it on with three other underage kids in a small car. Sometimes, I’m so brilliant I have no choice but to pleasure myself, because nobody else could be nearly as good as I am at it!”
@Charterstoned: #128: You know what else MGM used as fuel for the burning of Atlanta scene, millions of feet of old silent movies that were made on that highly flammable nitrate based film. The producers figured nobody would ever want to watch that old crap again with no sound track.
@Garrison Skunk: Does J.R.R. Tokin’ “ring” a bell?
Weed better drop this tangent.
@lynn: I kinda love how the reaction to Dilbert’s cancellation among Scott Adams’s fellow cartoonists has been pretty much a resounding “Yeah, fuck that guy anyway.”
“Captain Picard gets to experience the life of a man on a dying planet” is a LOT of people’s idea of the best TNG episode (“The Inner Light”). Can’t get much more self-contained than a story that didn’t even happen to them.
@lynn: The Washington Post replaced Dilbert with Bildert, a new office humor strip by a guy named Adam Scotts. I don’t really like his Dogdert character, and the art is weak, but still better than Marvin.
Phantom – “All this…all this blood…all this violence… just to seduce my husband? Why can’t you just show him your tits like a normal person?”
There’s already been a Star Trek/Mary Worth mashup. Mary was the inspiration for the Borg Queen and Toby, Wilbur and the rest have long since been assimilated, only with less dynamic personalities than a typical Borg.
My main concern today: why do both Sally and Jackie have large black splotches on their clothes?
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: 9CL: Hey, the important thing is that’s it’s happening in public, like God intended.
MW: Santa Royale must be a much smaller town than all indications to the contrary if they only have the one animal hospital.
@66 gardenornament: I notice Coach M. seems to have his petard hoisted regularly. I wonder if he needs to wear special underwear or shirts with 2 pockets or something?
@Guillermo el chiclero: ?
@Charterstoned: That question mark is supposed to b the biggest devastated emoji I could find.
@jroggs:
You have the “oh yeah, carts need those horse things” method in Shoe where the writer clearly comes up with a wordplay punchline first and then lazily slaps a clunky
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That noise you hear is M. Mare snorting ladylike at the term “horse things”.
@Garrison Skunk: Who knew that MAYBERRY was a city on the edge?!
@Charterstoned: Otis knew.
@Anonymous:
If Captain Kirk’s mind was placed in the body of a women, he’d spend the whole episode playing with his new boobs.
My prostate meds have me growing small but discernible man-boobs. Trust me. It’s not the same.
@98 Garrison Skunk: Nipples make taking medicine fun?
Blondie-“Joke’s on the boss. My eyeball didn’t pop out when it was hit by the rubber band.”
MW: Maybe my social group is just weird, but I remember one pre-plague gathering at which we informally took turns talking about how happy we were with our veterinarians. And there was a letter in the local paper years ago in which my own (she’s great!) veterinarian was described as kind of saintly. Anyway, I’m wondering how the Santa Royale reviews of local vets would compare with the Santa Royale reviews of local doctors, if there are such. (I’m not familiar with Yelp.) It’s not that I’m a huge fan of Doctor Ed, but I like him somewhat better, so far, than Doctor Jeff.
@Rube: Bizarre fixation with proof-reading? Dang. I knew I must be missing some interesting stuff by not having time anymore to skim all comments.
@Daisy: an excellent point…
@Maude R. Fawker: If I could somehow talk to myself back in the 90s, I don’t think I could convince myself that Snoop and Martha would be a ‘thing’ 25 years later…
@Garrison Skunk: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit the chronic…
@Voshkod: How I wish that were true.
@Poteet: I didn’t say interesting….
@Charterstoned: Thank you very much for the very strange earworm…
@pastordan:#134
This humble Episcopalian most heartily acknowledges her transgression and seeks thy forgiveness.
*Offering the sign of peace with a promise of a generous donation*
@Rube, @Poteet:
I dunno, Josh’s proofreading seems pretty good. It’s his calendar-reading that needs work.
@gardenornament: #156
“I’d love to see Mary trying her meddling skills on Cdr. Spock.”
I can imagine Spock’s response to Mary’s blather…
”Madame, that is highly illogical.”
@Daisy:
“I can imagine Spock’s response to Mary’s blather…
”Madame, that is highly illogical.””
I wonder if Mary will silently melt away when faced with Spock’s logic, or if she will just redouble her efforts, oblivious to all reason.
@Daisy: “Captain. You recall when I was afflicted by pon farr, I assume.”
“Why, of course, Mister Spock. This woman isn’t having that effect on you, is she?”
“Certainly not. But I feel a different Vulcan compulsion coming over me, one we call sla’p bid’dy.”
@Anonymous: Well it must be Cheech, because Chong keeps emailing me.
@Uncle Lumpy: I dunno, Josh’s proofreading seems pretty good. It’s his calendar-reading that needs work.
OK, this is the funniest shit you’ve posted yet
@Voshkod: #190
“…following which, we purge the galaxy of muffins.”
@Harvey Harveyson: Who did what with the who now?
It is my firm belief that Harvey Harveyson is, in realty, Josh.
Dark Josh.
Like in that Star Trek episode. The difference is that Dark Josh has no goatee.
@Ukulele Ike: FUN JOSH FACT: the biggest life change i made over the course of the pandemic lockdown was that I switched from the goatee to a full beard. The dream of the ’90s is over!
@TheDiva: JP – I’m sorry but the villain has no standing to talk about that. He’s been there for all of fifteen minutes (strip time) of what had thus far been an 8 hour bitch fest. And in that time he’s been beaten up by two women, so he can’t claim boredom. You wanna pass out Judgy Boy? It’s too late for that! You should have been around for Sam and Gloria’s attempts to reconstruct your crimes! Then you could have been bored into a stupor like the rest of us!
@Ukulele Ike: He’s in realty? I thought he was a movie producer.
@Ukulele Ike: Does Dark Josh wear a sash…?
@Charterstoned, @Guillermo el chiclero: The use of old films to fuel the fire is criminal. Also a touch ironic, because that wall was originally constructed for the D.W. Griffith silent film Intolerance. It sat there on the lot until King Kong came along, then burned in GWTW. Wonder if copies of Intolerance were in the pyre.
@gardenornament: He’s doing it on a TRS-80 with an acoustic 300 baud modem that he slaps that cordless phone he carries around in his pocket on to. So we let him keep his plugger title as he cross references his 80×40 character screen with his dead tree copies of the Star Tribune and the Pioneer Press to post here.
@Mr Beardo: why dont you get on your back and earn it Lois.
Because, despite what their names imply, Hi’s the bottom. It’s called “dramatic irony.”
@Dr. Pill: Strange how MGM had access to that King Kong set since KK was an RKO production. They didn’t burn any of their feature length classics like the silent Ben Hur. They mostly used old newsreels, comedy shorts, and forgotten feature length turkeys that bombed at their theatrical release. When the Medved Brothers released their first book, The 50 Worst Films Ever Made, they explained that they included no silent films because only the true classics survived the ravages of time while the bad ones were left to decompose in their cans.
Off topic but Ricou Browning, who played the Creature from the Black Lagoon in all three Creature films passed away February 27 at age 93. RIP
@Charterstoned: All I know is if he dies, we all move up in rank. I think Uncle Lumpy becomes the new Josh. I think I get promoted to Harvey Harveyson.
Juliet Jones – You think Gloria from JP is throwing a temper tantrum? Here we have editor Roz practically having steam coming out of her ears because (I presume) photographer Earl went ahead and printed those photos of naturally photogenic Eve in the magazine after Roz forbade it. She’s probably on the cover.
I understand that there are toxic bosses out there who do throw temper tantrums and behave immaturely. However, every freaking authority figure in this strip comes across as either consumed with rage or so evil that they spend their free time evicting widows and orphans and kicking puppies.
And then there are the Jones sisters, who fall in love with every man they meet, and everyone behaves like junior high school drama queens, which I’ve bitched about before.
I read this strip back in the day, and I don’t remember it being such a train wreck.
Vintage JP – Here we have a real murder plot, and there is no screaming or frowny faces. Imagine that.
@gardenornament: I wonder if Mary will silently melt away when faced with Spock’s logic, or if she will just redouble her efforts, oblivious to all reason.
I’m pretty sure she’ll screech in her native tongue and claw frantically at the nearby salt shakers.
@Voshkod: But who gets to be the Captain’s Woman…?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Pretty impressive when you consider that Bela Lugosi died in 1956, Boris Karloff in 1969, and Lon Chaney, Jr., in 1973. Browning played the last of the great Universal movie monsters, and outlived the rest of them by 50 years.
(Ricou only played the Creature underwater. A taller actor wore that nifty rubber suit for the land scenes.)
@gardenornament: #189
“I wonder if Mary will silently melt away when faced with Spock’s logic, or if she will just redouble her efforts, oblivious to all reason.”
Knowing Mary, she will try to win Spock over with a fresh batch of redspice muffins with Plomeek tea. Spock wavers but an instant, knowing from the records that the maddeningly persistent Earth woman used her culinary skills to overcome all resistance to her meddling. Yet…the sensual aroma of those muffins was enticing…Spock wavered again…
@Ukulele Ike: #209: Browning, a stuntman and professional scuba diver, choreographed and performed in most of the underwater fight scenes with Lloyd Bridges in Sea Hunt and co-created the character of Flipper, directing many of the shows episodes.
@Guillermo el chiclero: If only I had a nickel for every time some underwater n’er-do-well with a knife tried to slash Mike Nelson’s air hose…!
@Guillermo el chiclero: He was a true Renaissance fishman.
@Charterstoned: Whoever asks first, Aunt Lumpy.
Snuffy – “Make up yer mind, Doc! All th’ other times I been in here, ya tried t’ sell me ANTI-biotics!”
@Charterstoned: And when you get tired of that, you can sing the words of the Mr. Ed theme song to the tune of “Greensleeves.”
@Peanut Gallery: @Peanut Gallery: And as Babylon 5 taught us, you can sing any Emily Dickenson poem to the Gilligan’s Island song.
Because I could not stop for death
He kindly stopped for me . . . .
@Voshkod: Who could have known that Emily was so forward-looking?
@Ukulele Ike: Genius is rarely appreciated in its own time. Particularly when genius is a depressive agoraphobe.
@Voshkod: Dickenson really could have used a nice long tropical vacation on Gilligan’s Island, to cheer her up. Also, she would have provided an extra woman for the Professor.
@Ukulele Ike: Dickenson really could have used a nice long tropical vacation on Gilligan’s Island, to cheer her up.
Wouldn’t have helped. They don’t offer a nice long tropical vacation there, just a three hour tour. A three hour tour.
@Charterstoned: #212: I used to work for a guy who was into scuba diving. He was telling us one day how unrealistic Sea Hunt was and how Mike Nelson violated every safety rule of scuba diving. One of the guys there said, “Yeah, he was always getting into fights underwater and getting his air hose cut”.
@Peanut Gallery: Uncle-biotics are so avuncular.
@Guillermo el chiclero: They never seemed to dive very deep on Sea Hunt. Get your air hose cut, just swim twenty feet up to the surface. Get back on the boat. Pop a beer. Catch some rays.
In the Good Old Days pre-scuba of helmet diving, down deep, you get your air hose cut by some Snidely Whiplash character, you’re FUCKED.
@Ukulele Ike: Fucking underwater can be extraordinary instigative. Well, until the drowning part.
@Voshkod: Good ol’ standard ballad structure. “Yellow Rose of Texas” works too.
♫ I dwell in Possibility–
A fairer House than Prose–
More numerous of Windows–
Superior– for Doors– ♫
— Em. Dickinson, More Songs about Home Improvement 1861
@Hibbleton:
Trying to think of another long-running TV show where they could take a break from the regular format and have a major character fuck a ghost. …Roz from Frasier perhaps?
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The HBO “Ghost and Mrs Muir” reboot “Sex and the Spirit”
@Ramblin’ Nehemiah Scudder — Giant of the Banjolele: Correct sir. It also works for Because I Could Nor Stop For Death.
Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.
We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –
@jroggs:
” Shoe: It’s always fascinating how these various strips consistently construct their terrible jokes. You have the “oh yeah, carts need those horse things” method in Shoe where the writer clearly comes up with a wordplay punchline first and then lazily slaps a clunky set-up in front of it that in no way resembles human speech. Then you have the “these six no-wheeled carts will go great with my horse” angle that Tom Batiuk uses to line up a week’s worth of Funkyshaft. Blondie has “it’s National Cart Day, time for a pile of junk food and a nap,” Beetle Bailey has “Wednesday boobs… oh yeah, get a horse and cart in there,” and Family Circus has “horsies pull the darndest carts.” And at the bottom you have 9 Chickweed Lane with horses mounting each other in a lake with no cart in sight and Marvin abandoning all pretense at cart-pulling in favor of watching horses poop.”
That says it all,really.
If I were Josh, this would be not just the comment of the week, but the commment of the year.
Tuesday
JP: This is so insane it makes DICK TRACY look like a documentary.
A&J: Luddie obviously wants Arlo to tell him the source of the amberjack, because some amberjack is fine with the Monterey Bay Seafood Watch List and some amberjack is not. Good for you, Luddie! And Arlo, you are being just a little dense.
RMMD: A road trip, even with these two, has got to be better than watching Rex and June sit around for several more days talking about their weird offspring. To Florida it is! Allons y!
You are misinterpreting Dennis the Menace today–he’s not hosting Gina, he’s visiting Gina and he isn’t happy about being served milk instead of a milkshake. Since Gina Gillotti is Italian he’s giving her a warning in a way she’ll understand. If she serves him milk again, she’ll wake up with her dog’s head in her bed.