Eternal past, eternal present
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Andy Capp, 8/28/26

Guitar Bob is an Andy Capp ancillary character who may have been around since the strip launched in the ’50s or may have been spawned in the long zombie era of the last several decades, who can say, but I have to admit today’s strip offers a look into his life that kind of intrigues me. Clearly Andy’s constant jibes loom large in his mind, to the point that he couldn’t even enjoy his positive reception at the folk club on its own terms but instead filed it away as something he could throw in his antagonist’s face. And Andy manages to devastate him again with a throwaway quip that barely makes sense! Obviously he didn’t give the audience their money back, but you can tell that whatever feeling of accomplishment he experienced has been undone in a moment. Sad!
Crock, 8/28/26

I used to play a fun (“fun”) game where I would try to guess the date of a Crock rerun based on its ham-handed cultural references, but King Features has taken that away from me by ceasing to bother with replacing the original copyright date. So now I just get to contemplate the window into a lost world that these strips offer. For instance, remember 1998? Remember how, in the days before YouTube, we were all calling one another offering to mail VHS tapes of helpful how-to vids? I mean, I don’t remember this at all, it’s not ringing any bells, but I spent most of 1998 mired in a series of romantic and academic crises so I wasn’t really paying very close attention, I admit.
Judge Parker, 8/28/26

Hey, remember how Judge Parker Emeritus Senior has been kind of losing it, maybe because he has dementia or maybe because he’s a drunk, but it seemed like he was kind of rallying in his attempt to help Ann get a job? Well, Ann is a big-shot TV consultant now, so now he can go back to his first love, being a Judge, or a “judicial hearing officer,” which I assume is kind of like being an assistant judge and is a job you can hold if you’re kind of old and slow, and also spent time in jail. You might think that he’d be happier just hanging around his giant mansion with his granddaughter and newly returned family members, but Judge Parker Emeritus Junior over there has done a number of crimes himself that have ruined his career for good, so apparently someone around here has to start pulling in a paycheck.
Mary Worth, 8/28/26

“Yes, Mary, I should live outside of routine every once in a while! Variety is the spice of life! I’ll have” [thinks for 15 seconds, brain starts to freeze up, panic sets in] “the exact same thing you’re having.”


140 replies to “Eternal past, eternal present”
Family Circlejerk – I’d like to think Bil is telling this joke:
“My wife went into a coma…” one of my favorite Norm Macdonald jokes
I admire Andy Capp for eschewing the tired traditional trope of having the musician be a younger, hip, countercultural archetype, and far more realistically depicting this folk busker as unkempt, balding, and entirely unencumbered by fans.
Mary’s blouse IS a slightly darker shade of purple tonight. Man, these two are just goin’ CRAZY!
Stone Soup: The Cockblocking Era
Alice: Through the Looking-Glass, And What Alice Found There—some random, fairly non-plussed lady, apparently!
Andy Capp: I know England is very much a class-stratified society, but that annoying acoustic guitar guys have to defer to a jobless, penniless (pence-less?), wife-beating, blackout drunk like “Mr. Capp” is too much!
SlyFox: How to draw a monkey…whacked out on goofballs!
Guitar Bob? So THAT’S what happened to the guy from Paearl Jam! You know, that one!
RMMD School is so boring – who wants to *learn* stuff? Like “kidnapping is a felony” – blah, blah, what a downer. Well, now we know the DoubleScam twins’ true purpose in life: making Luann look like a great college student
MW – Didn’t Jeff and/or Mary “try something new” last time they did the restaurant victory lap segment? Something about this feels like they’re trying to refresh Dr Jeff’s character too – “He’s not just a thrall who mindlessly praises Mary over surf n turf! He also does it over *different* meals!”
Andy Capp:
“I’ll sing you a song about Megan and Harry —
The White Cliffs of Dover regard them as scary!”
Shouldn’t Randy be urging Alan to write another shitty book, for the good of the family, and the detriment of all else? It worked for Mitch Albom!
JP: In Texas retired judges are often used as substitute judges to fill in where needed.
MW: A phrase like “I feel like having a variety of things tonight” said to a long time romantic partner and the partner basically saying “me too” is usually accompanied by a wink and a knowing smile. Here it refers to fish, dead, smelly fish.
Mary Worth:
“Let’s split the platter — that’ll make each of our portions half-baked, which is what the two of us are!”
Yes, it sure is good to live outside the routine, especially when you go to [[checks notes]] the only restaurant you ever visit, with the woman you’ve been dating for several decades. “Spice of life”-wise, subtracting the “turf” from your usual order falls somewhere in the area of “jar of cinnamon you’ve had since the Coolidge administration.”
Judge Parker:
“So what are you thinking? We open a law practice together?”
“What? Oh no. The malpractice premiums from associating with you would be way too high!”
MW-“Jeff, we are not putting the beds together.”
Mary Worth:
“You’re not having your usual surf and turf tonight, Jeff?”
“Nah. I think I’ll stick with beer — the slurp and burp!”
Crock Crock’s mom has gotten herself into the worst multilevel marketing scheme ever
“I always take the same thing, but variety is good. Speaking of which, we should open this relationship”
ANDY CAPP: You’d think an artist of Bob’s advanced age and presumably, experience would handle hecklers with more aplomb.
MW: Whatever are these two madcaps going to do next? Eat the main course with their dessert forks?
RMMD: What were they majoring in; Inane, Repetitive Speech and Language?
LUANN: Unless the college is offering, The Animaniacs Re-Enact the American Revolution, Luann isn’t going to make it.
Crock takes place in an alternative timeline where France kept control over Algeria and the Foreign Legion becomes ever more brutal to repress the natives. However this strip doesn’t tell us whether the butterfly effect changed everything and Betamax won over VHS! The suspense is unbearable!
Andy Capp: Guitar Bob can’t be that bad. If he were, those notes in panel one would be drawn all squiggly.
Wary Morth:
“Outside of routine, eh? The answer is still no.”
__________________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“Prison, boring? Have you even watched the Women In Prison movies, grandpa?”
MW: I see the Bum Boat has redecorated and now appears to be a functional bomb shelter. In the event of nuclear war, Santa Royalites will be able to last out the fallout winter, living on baked seafood platters. Truly, the survivors will envy the dead.
AC: I’ve gotta give the creators of the strip some credit. Guitar Bob does look — and dress — like someone who could have been an “alternative rocker” in the 1990s but did not take great care of himself in the ensuing decades.
Crock: What’s with Captain Poulet’s look of world-weary exhaustion in panel one? “Oh, god, is Crock getting another phone call? These are never good. This is probably going to turn into some bullshit that I’ll eventually have to deal with.”
JP: If this strip has two Judge Parkers and neither one is a viable magistrate any longer, I think there is only one solution. Together, the father and son have to press “the button.” The big one. The one that reboots their entire strip from scratch. Maybe they’ll see each other again … someday. If the newspaper industry lasts that long.
MW: Something about this is very ominous. Actually, a lot of things about this are ominous. I will focus on one detail: Jeff’s use of the entirely-too-casual slang term “nah.” What are you, some kind of beatnik? Enjoy your seafood sampler platter, Jack Kerouac.
Mary furiously scribbling a note to herself “Jeff showing signs of escaping containment, must increase dosage”
@CanuckDownSouth: If not the most recent Bum Boat visit, then definitely the one before that. They were both insufferably pleased with themselves for placing different orders, and Mary said they should go swimming after dinner (they did not).
Family Circus: Jeffy Keane deftly captures the moment the soul exits the body.
Crock: Oh hey, I also spent most of 1998 tangled in various romantic and academic crises! Or was that my “sniffing glue” phase? Hard to say, honestly.
Ccrock: I thought Crock was supposed to be a Colonel. In the French military a commandant is an actual commissioned rank equal to a major in our army.
Mary Worth: Outside of routine? Outside of routine?? There is no outside of routine in Mary Worth, Mary and Dr. Jeff of all people should know this. God will surely punish this with a round of scombroid food poisoning.
My Crock headcanon is an alternate history without a war for independence in Algeria, with France still ruling it as a colony. Look for a companion strip set in a 2026 version of French Indochina with jokes about pho.
RMMD: A lot of stories in the fantasy or superhero genre identify the protagonist as a uniquely important figure, someone with unusual powers or perhaps status as heir to the kingdom vel sim. In that setup, there is an established reason why certain villains become fixated on the protagonist and focus their lives around opposing them. That sort of setup doesn’t translate well into other genres, where the protagonists (the Morgans) are not uniquely important and the villains (the scam twins) really ought to have better things to do with their lives. Listen ladies, you’re young and attractive, you apparently have no financial anxieties a lot of free time. If you think school is boring, why don’t you go out dancing and meet some fun people? Look up interesting events in your area? Take a weekend road trip to a place you’ve always wanted to see? Experiment with not wearing identical outfits? I promise it will be more fun than plotting petty revenge against the world’s most boring doctor.
Mary Worth: The Bum Boat’s interior needs more fishing nets and nautical crap to truly capture the vibe of the seafood restaurants I grew up visiting. Compared to its gray concrete exterior, though, it’s a work of art! I’ve heard of “fish camps,” but I didn’t know the “fish gulag” was a thing!
FC: The life-sized sex doll Bil ordered from TEMU isn’t quite what he expected but he’s able to laugh it off.
DtM: Tradition says Wilson’s pants should be down around his ankles. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
RMMD: Prison’s not boring. From what I understand from our popular media it’s going gangbusters! A constant parade of murders by lunch tray, ‘bass taping’ and riots with the occasional explosions and infiltrations by rogue former-but-not-former CIA assassins. Speaking of which…
JP: ‘And your first hearings can be to get April off the hook for all those people she killed rescuing me from somewhere in Somewhere and then me for abandoning our daughter and palming her off on Neddy of all people!’
SF: For those who were wishing we’d seen Ted’s ‘exciting’ fight in the Aldi, here’s your proof it was just an inane hissy fit prompted by 80s nostalgia, as always…
DT: I’m guessing the cutesy USB is the fuse that will ‘splode the tiny C4/Napalm charge in the Laptop. It’s a ‘burner’, geddit? GEDDIT??!?!
Oh crap, no! NO! Jeff, you fool! The only reason Mary is with you is that you’re dull and predictable, a safe haven from those wild free spirits like Ian Cameron and Dawn Weston! Now calm your ass down and order the surf and turf like you’re supposed to!
***
I hate how long it took for me to realize Crock is a “You don’t call me enough, son” joke. To be fair to myself, it’s not a good one and you need to struggle past the whole he’s on the phone thing to get there.
*takes out elaborate keyring*
*unlocks door to underground crypt complex*
*makes his way to the thirteenth floor below ground*
*closes a heavy marble door behind him*
*crouches down*
*whispers*
I thought the joke in Crock was pretty good.
dangit, crossed paths with Tabby immediately above. Maybe I’m just appreciative that there is a joke.
JP: JHOs are former judges who are appointed to handle various judicial duties (which duties will vary from state to state) but rather pointedly, “individuals who have been removed from a judicial position due to legal statutes,” such as, say, committing crimes like, oh, perjury, falsifying documents, and fabricating evidence, to name a few at random, “are not eligible for appointment.” What’s that, you say? Maybe Randy Parker, who technically, was not removed from his position for criming could become a JHO? Not so fast—you actually have to complete your term as a judge to be a JHO. Maybe Nick’s Diner is hiring some dishwashers, is what I’m saying.
JP: Since the strip’s name is “Judge Parker” they need to find a way which a Parker can be a Judge. Unless Abbey gets her law degree or goes around the country to 4-H Festivals as a judge.
Mary Worth:
I never had surf and turf even before I became a vegetarian, so I’ll have to take Wikipedia’s word for it that the combination isn’t really very good and is actually a demonstration of extravagant poor taste. Maybe Dr. Jeff read that Wikipedia article too, and is trying to change his gauche appreciation for it out of a desperate attempt to overcome Mary’s reluctance to take their relationship to the next level. Unfortunately I don’t think it will work, and may actually be counterproductive: the hedonism of combining red meat and seafood is pretty much the only personality he ever demonstrates, and Mary might lose interest in him completely without every date giving her the opportunity to mentally tut at him for his order.
@Charterstone: Dune: I was thinking it was a magistrate judge position, or as we like to call them, non-Article III judges and/or fake judges.
Please don’t tell any mags I said this.
GA: I’ve been mostly bored this week when Realistically-Drawn New Neighbor showed up. Only 8,299,999,999 more real people to go.
MW: “Can I get you a dessert?” “I’ll have the vanilla ice cream, please.” “And for you, sir?” “Steak, medium rare.”
You check out guitar Bob, he knows all the words
Mind, it’s strictly folk, he doesn’t want to make it interesting
Capp says an old guitar is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights and tries to sing
He is a Sultan
A Sultan of Cringe
@Little Guy: Sophie’s newest Special Interest will be obscure legal codes from the colonial era that are still on the books, and she is going to discover judgeships in Cavelton really are hereditary positions and also that “there’s no rule that says a child can’t be a judge,” so Charlotte is going to be the next, cutest l’il Judge Parker!
@A Grave Mind: I’m sorry, I couldn’t be bothered to read the sequel to “rich guy dies comfortably at home of a terminal illness because he could afford to have providers of every stripe come to his house. In Your Face, Proles!”
AC: Andy’s tastes have been imprinted with the music he first heard as a teenager which in his case is Revolver era Beatles. “Take Sitar Sam. Now there’s a musician.”
Crock:
Unusally for Crock, this particular strip actually does a somewhat effective fake-out, in that you expect the punchline to be about how Crock obviously doesn’t need help learning to use a telephone because he’s correctly using one right now. The problem is the actual punchline isn’t funny and doesn’t even make much sense, because after all, it’s still Crock. Let’s not get too crazy here.
Listen Dr. Jeff you can order outside your usual “Surf and Turf”, you can talk about living outside your routine and get the baked seafood sampler. But one part of this routine will never change: you’ll be driving home alone after a chaste kiss from Mary – and you’ll be crying and frustrated – as per usual.
JP: On second thought, maybe it’s time to introduce some long-lost brother or cousin who can take up the mantle of “Judge Parker.”
MW: You want to talk about routine, Dr. Jeff? Every single time one of these arcs wraps up you and Mary go to the Bum Boat, talk about what you’re going to order, and comment on how your choice in ordering somehow reflects a deeply held personal value. Just because you order the seafood platter instead of the surf-n-turf doesn’t mean you’re not stuck in rut the size of the Valles Marineris.
AC – They left happy – it sucked while they were there….
(Appropriately named) Crock – I’m not kidding – this is the first I’ve learned that the commandant is named Crock….
JP – Me…work…that’s crazy talk. But my septuagenarian daddy – there’s a formula for lifestyle underwriting….
MW – Jeff is yearning for those Thai lady boy nights…I’m feeling the vibe (no – not me, personally – by that I mean Jeff. How much is a flight to Thailand, I wonder)….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Baby Blues: Are there parents buying their children specific underwear for each day of the week?
Pearls Before Swine: Jim Davis hasn’t actually drawn the Garfield comic in decades. He has assistants that digitally assemble all the parts of the comic with computers.
“No, I don’t need a videotape on how to use a telephone.”
“Those salespeople are pests.”
“Non, you idiot, it was General Salan with the activation phrase. Opération Corse is a go. Tell the men to pack up, we’re headed for Corsica. Vive de Gaulle, and to hell with the Fourth Republic!”
Judge Parker:
Okay, so, I don’t really pay attention to Judge Parker, because why would I, really, but based on Josh’s comment I’m given to understand that these guys are the titular Judges Parker, and that they’ve both ceased to be judges for their various crimes. So I guess the strip isn’t really about anything anymore, then? Well, I mean, of course it’s not about anything, it’s a soap opera comic strip, and a particularly dull one at that, but still, those generally try to pretend to be about something. I suppose it’s possible there’s a Judge Parker III, who is laboring under an ancestral stain, a corruption of blood caused by being the immediate descendant of two disgraced judges, who feels the need to constantly prove himself to allay the suspicions of his colleagues who consider him a ticking time bomb of genetic criminality. But even if that’s the case, it’s far too interesting to be the main focus of the strip, so they’re going to pivot to these guys being judges again, only not really.
Zits: I do appreciate seeing Jeremy’s parents slowly realizing that their jerkass lazy kid is kind of stupid. Why waste the money having him take the SATS again?
Hi and Lois: Why does every comic with a teen character have them wanting to be an aspiring rock musician? Haha their crappy instruments fell apart. thanks for telling instead of showing us.
C’shaft: I’m kind of with Mindy on this one: when it comes to artificial intelligence, better cold impersonal cruelty than the false friendliness and self-validating feedback loop of our current models.
GT: Connect Four? What are you, eight?
Luann: A real literature course of this nature would focus on graphic novels which look unflinchingly at mature, complicated, and disquieting subjects: Maus, Persepolis, Fun Home. This is the perpetually G-rated world of Luann, however, so yeah, she’s probably going to be reading Archie.
RMMD: How have these two been keeping of the pretense of their studies with someone who I’m assuming foots the bill for it and would therefore have the literal receipts on their academic attendance? Maybe they’re so terrible at being con artists because they’re only experience is with their extremely gullible Grandpa Lyle.
MW: “Two seafood platters,” the waiter tells the cook, walking into the kitchen of the Bum Boat.
“Got it!” replies the cook, as he uses a fork to poke holes in the plastic before shoving two Swanson TV Dinners into the microwave.
AC~ Left happy and happily left are entirely different things.
MW: First the eclipse and now Dr. Jeff and Mary not ordering the surf & turf and salmon…it’s been nice knowing all of you but the end is nigh.
“It’s good to live outside the routine every once in a while!” Jeff says, as he stares across the same table at the same woman by the same window with the same view at the same restaurant holding a bottle of the same swill he always orders oh god! when did he become so dull, so predictable? What has he done with his life? Now he’s too old to even have a decent mid-life crisis.
GT: [old movie trailer voice]: Coming this fall! See Gil Thorp like you’ve never seen him before! Cheer as Gil takes on his arch enemy in…Connect 4!!”
MW – Annddd… this is how Jeff broaches the subject that he’s been seeing someone else. Screwing them, actually. Which is why Mary looks so panicky. Will she have to raise her game?
6Chx: I never really noticed it before, but Friday Chick suffers from an awful case of Forehead Nose.
Crock:
I will never die on the Hill of defending Crock, but the idea that Crock’s mom, likely a septegenarian, is offering to mail a videotape tutorial in 2026 is actually a pretty appropriate “oldsters and tech amirite?” joke which I’d expect maybe in Dustin or such.
Luann is adhering to the rule of never putting a better fiction in your worse one. You really don’t want to remind newspaper readers that, say, Bloom County and The Far Side used to be on these pages.
Lockhorns gives us a tiny, undefined drawing of the back of a woman in a bikini, who isn’t even the bystanding observer of the passive aggressive
flirtingjibes we’re here for. What does this lucky woman get to hear tomorrow? Something from Loretta about Leroy’s equipment adjusting poorly in cold water?Dustin has gotten farther than typical with this one, as he and the young woman appear to be sitting down, together, and facing other rather than at adjoining barstools.
Why did she wait so long to reject him? Does she have a humiliator kink which perfectly aligns with his humiliation kink?
BG&SS:
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep
They just lie there, and they die there
Like that lazy, good for nothin’, gambling husband
So you’re a cold and lonely lovely work of art.
FC: BDK’s grip on that guy’s shoulder is just a little too forceful, and like all of the best jokes, it ends with “My kids are watching–if you know what’s good for ya, you’d better come up with a hearty laugh.”
Today’s entry was prototyped by Bill and Jeff and an unlucky friend, who, true to life, got to hear the Keanes tell a joke for the umpteenth time.
H&L: Chip’s band has the ‘rock stars destroy their instruments on stage’ bit. Now all they need is the stature, song list, and talent to repeat it when they’re rich and fam–
This will never happen, will it?
JP: Hey, Dad! Let’s become double-naught spies! April can show us the ropes!
Luann: Nancy, have you ever heard the sayings about living in glass houses or pots, kettles, and the color black? Why the cheap shot at Archie when your own strip depicts teenage and young adult life less realistically?
RMMD: There was this jail reality show I used to watch (made the creators behind COPS)
It mostly just focused on booking procedures.
There are some people that come in, that think they’re rock stars and sing for the officers.
Usually, they’re off-key and terrible, but the officers applaud anyway.
Then one guy who actually was a decent singer the officer says “Alright, that’s enough”
JP: C’mon, Alan. Somebody’s gotta start earning some money here.
We barely have enough dough to buy a pardon for you.
MW: Panel 1 looks like a scene in an Agatha Christie story, where someone looks in the window and sees a silhouette of a man proceeding to attack a woman with a knife.
Whatever the heck Jeff is meant to be holding…
MARY WORTH: Dr. Jeff goes along with whatever Mary does, but pretends like he’s doing something “innovative” and “adventurous” anyway. It really is the quintessential Mary Worth plot.
FG: Lighter-than-air craft defeating fixed wing aircraft – that’s science fiction!
Gil Thorp; Gerards is obseessed with Thorp, so Thorp is living in his mind rent free. Now Thorp is concerned about Gerards and so Gerards is living in Thorp’s mind rent free. Peanut and Beth are both concerned that Gerards is obsessed with Thorp, and so Gerards is also living in their minds rent free. Seems Gerard is actually winning – 3 minds versus 1.
Crock: This is a conversation in code. The OAS can’t be too careful if they are planning to seize France and eliminate DeGaulle.
JP: Sadly, many elderly are forced to go back to work and try to eke out an existence in their golden years. Bad investments, poor decisions about money, lack of savings and retirement planning all are major factors. For Alan, also the drinking, criminality, and going to jail didn’t help.
MW: These sort of quasi-dishes (e.g. sea food sampler) are a wonderful way for the kitchen to sell off scraps, remnants and ends that they would otherwise to throw out.
New Nancy: Nancy is technically correct, the best kind of corret.
Phantom: Phantom shoots down one drone but didn’t notice the others or were they also “sleeping” on the ground? If he brings them all down with just his handguns, the military industrial complex will be right on top of him demanding to know his secret method.
Rex Morgan: The Twins go to community college – just like Luann. They are confused and get into mischief, just like Luann. They have family who try to guide them to make better life decisions just like Luann. So the twins are going to be art teachers?
I think it was due to soda withdrawl, but I was very stressed this morning.
I sat down reading an Archie comic digest.
The first story, had Archie and Trevor doing parkour.
I paused for a good minute, thinking… “Who the heck is Trevor?”
I thought I knew all of the later added cast…
This confusion distracted me from my stress, and I felt better.
Crock: This actually got a chuckle out of me, because these are the exact kind of calls I’m getting from downsizing relatives.
MW: The concrete life preserver is a nice touch.
@Guillermo el chiclero: “In Texas retired judges are often used as substitute judges to fill in where needed.”
”Twenty years! AND GET OFF MY LAWN.”
FC: My daddy also works part-time as muscle for a loan shark. Watch him make your daddy pay up.
Blondie,the Neighborhood Bumstead: David Crosby rushes to get his son a half price Dagwood cut.
FC: This is Jeffy trying to justify recycling his Dad’s old strips, as opposed to writing new ones?
It’s not working.
Andy’s Cap Blocks His Eyes: Know what’s scary about today’s strip? My mind IMMEDIATELY flashed to a superior punchline: “They were happy BECAUSE they left!” Am I just a natural comic genius or has reading this strip since 1972 warped my brain?
Dammit, couldn’t quite close the HTML. Well, THAT kills any shot of making this week’s float!
Dr Jeff is working up to asking Mary to do something crazy in bed, isn’t he? Like *reverse* cowgirl, or maybe leaving the lights on.
Could some Safe Havens Superfan please tell me why the parttime cat’s mother is a former border collie? Must be a wacky story behind that.
FC: O good Lord, from Beardface’s expression and body language it’s obvious that Jeffy poorly redrew the original panel that showed Bill stabbing him, probably with a caption like, “Take THAT, you damn dirty hippie!”
Did you know they used to make and sell phones without a microphone? This was somewhere in between rotary dials and wireless phones. Just a handle with dials so you could call your mom, and a speaker so you could listen to her. It wasn’t very popular, obviously, but it would have been great for someone like Crock. The mistake was marketing it to parents as a gift for their children upon moving out on their own, instead of a way to have annoying/overbearing/controlling parents think you’re doing them a favor by calling them and letting them talk at you without interruption when they have no real way of knowing you’re there and listening.
@GarrisonSkunk:
The constant DNA shapeshifting shenanigans, at one point, lead to a border collie giving birth to a cat.This strip being what it is, this is treated as a relatively unremarkable bit of backstory that can just be mentioned off-handedly.
@Doc Wonmug: He has to get her in bed first. Somehow, I don’t think that’s happened.
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REX MORGAN M.D.: Boiy these are some dumb broads. If recent Lietime movies have taught me anything, it’s that you can have a crime ring and still go to school at the same time! Duh!
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Also, there seems to be a disturbing and annoying trend in the comic world to slander community colleges by proxy these days. So I would like to kindly remind these creators:
1) Post-secondary education is optional. So no one is required to be there if they don’t really want to attend.
2) Community colleges are “real” schools. Just because they’re not 4 (or more) year institutions does not mean the students who attend don’t take them seriously. So no, they are not dumping groups for the degenerates and flakes and rejects that a “real” college wouldn’t take. Contrary to portrayals, they’re not “Drop-out Daycare.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Lady Veronica introduced me to this lifestyle”
“From now on, I stay in bed every day”
“Have I forgotten anything?”
“Just one thing”
“Wow, Abundio! I was only planning to hire ONE stripper!”
JUDGE PARKER: Randy: “No, no. You shouldn’t open a law practice like you and Sam were going to do a couple of years ago. Instead I think you should go back to the judgeship like I was going to do a couple of years ago. This year is all about starting fresh, new directions that history tells us certainly won’t be quickly aborted once the ADHD tendencies of the writer kicks in.”
Mary Worth: “You know how sometimes you want the usual surf and turf — two perfectly good items that go well together? But other times you need to live outside the routine with a sampler platter, and go to town on multiple different dishes? Anyway, my point is, I invited three 25-year-old nurses to have sex with us tonight. They actually sounded super into it — apparently something called ‘grandmacore’ is really trending on TikTok right now!”
MW: “it’s good to live outside of routine every once in a while! Of course, not so far out of routine we go to a different restaurant. Heavens, no! Baby steps.”
Luann: “Archie?” Where the teen characters smooch, and the girls occasionally wear short skirts or halter tops or bathing suits? Luann’s entire worldview will crumble.
“Yes, I’d love a videotape on how to use the telephone! Now if you could just send me another videotape on how to use my VCR…wait…NOOOO!”
RMMD- “But Grandpa, school was boring! Plus, we got in trouble for making faces in the class picture! Remember? You told us we couldn’t watch Leave It To Beaver anymore!”
Maybe Bob shouldn’t have have written better lyrics than, “I’m not as bad a musician as you make out, Mr. Capp.” Not a very good hook.
FC- “The last time my Dad told that joke, he had both hands on the guy’s shoulders!”
MW – Then the waiter goes back into the kitchen and yells, “TWO SURF ‘N’ TURFS, HOLD THE TURF!”
JP: At this point, it needs to be “Autumn, 2065 comes to Cavelton”, and have 40-something-year-old Charlotte be the new Judge Parker. Or keep it in the present, and have Sam Driver legally change his name and become the next Judge Parker. Sure, Sam’s skirted the edge of the law occasionally, but compared to some of the other “law abiding” citizens of this town, he looks pretty good.
BLONDIE: But when is National Enormous Button Day?
FC: I’m glad Beardo’s having a good laugh, but personally, I’d be creeped out by Bil crowding me like that.
LUANN: Be quiet, Mrs. DeGroot. Luann’s right. “Useless” is the word. Isn’t there a guy on Doonesbury who spends decades at college without ever graduating?
S4th: With this strip’s obsession with time traveling back to the ’80s, and now with an implied grocery store altercation, why not send Ted back to ’83 and have him mix it up in the Cabbage Patch Kids riots?
MW – Something different tonight? Whoa, Mind your 6 tonight, Mary, Jeff’s been thinking of sailing the ‘Bum Boat’ and tonight could be his attempt at mutiny!
“At the Bum Boat Seafood Restaurant…where the smiles are free, dontcha know…Dr. Jeff Cory ponders over the menu and, at long last, orders the same thing he does every morning.”
*uproarious laughter*
MW:
“It’s good to live outside of routine every once in a while!
…Which is why I asked out the same woman with whom I’ve been in a quasi-romantic dead-end relationship for several years to go to the same restaurant we always go to! I’m such an unpredictable rebel!”
@Tony: Garrison Keeler crossed with Mary Worth? Well, I won’t be needing warm milk or edibles to deal with my insomnia anymore.
@GarrisonSkunk: One of Sam’s pre-teen cloning experiments that went wrong. ’nuff said.
I had actually forgotten that “Brenda Scrim” had actually become governor. There’s probably a political commentary in there somewhere, but for the sake of CC I’ll avoid it.
@TheDiva:
Hilarious enough, I still have the same question about Luann.
@TheDiva: On GT – given her simplistic viewpoint on important issues and what it will actually take to change them (versus just making a lot of noise and making everyone’s lives even harder), yes, yes she is.
On Luann – The course will also probably be taught by the endearingly quirky and flamboyant Professor Zebo, or perhaps his ‘brother’ who just happens to look exactly like him.
@Rover Berkeley: “Why not send Ted back to ’83 and have him mix it up in the Cabbage Patch Kids riots?”
And then leave him there and the strip ends with a black panel reading ‘Ted Forth never returned home…’
9CL – At least Thorax criticizes people to their face, instead of behind their back like Frazz and Caulfield.
Brewster Rockit – In case anyone wonders what happened to Edge City’s bread products, here you are.
Gil Thorp – Connect Four. Merrill accidentally drew something recognizable.
Mary Worth – Time to recalibrate the human speech system again.
Just wistfully thinking that Bob Newhart would have made a feast of “No, mom, I don’t need a videotape on how to use a telephone!”
LUANN: Also I love how dead-eyed Luann looks now, because ugh, now she has to work toward her dream and, like, set goals and follow through and a bunch of other stuff that’s not fun. Now that the bloom has come off the rose for her, I can bet this “new direction” will be a keeper. Probably as long as her “Blank Slate” philosophy (snicker).
@Schroduck: #23- Is Mary Santa-Royalty?
MW:
Mary: “I feel like having a variety of things tonight. Waiter, I’ll try the Three Hole Sampler.”
Waiter: “And in what order would you like the holes served?”
Mary: “Oh… chef’s choice.”
Jeff: “And I’ll have the same.”
Mary: “Jeff, dear, are you sure? You have only ..”
Jeff: “I SAID I’LL HAVE THE SAME. Sometimes I wonder if you even know me.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Family Circlejerk – I’d like to think Bil is telling this joke:
That’s a good one, but the way the guy is laughing, it kind of has to be Ol’ Reliable: “Lady, I don’t think I can take another 17 of those.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Stone Soup: The Cockblocking Era
“Say … either of you familiar with the upside-down pineapple trope?”
RMMD: Anyone intrigued last Monday, hoping for a surprise glimpse of cameltoe later in the week, has been frustrated by waist-up shots only the past three days and will be annoyed to find Monday’s artwork recycled today.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I did enjoy that Far-Side comic where the gangsters are in the guy’s house “You’d better give us the money by tomorrow or it won’t just be your furniture we rearrange!
And the gangsters in the background are literally rearranging his furniture.
JP: Ah, but what is Randy going to do with his days then? He and April are both terrible people, but at least she has a professional area where she can shine. Okay, so it’s murder. Still counts.
MW: It’s been a minute since I last claimed that Karen Moy was trolling us, but Jeff and Mary singing the praises of “living outside of routine”? C’mon now.
RIP King Harald of Norway. He was 89.
@Guillermo el chiclero: RIP King Harald of Norway. He was 89.
Also, King Oyo Nyimba Kabamba Iguru Rukidi IV of Tooro has died at the age of 34
C-Shaft: Mindy is losing the will to live and wants Pepper to lock her out in the vacuum of space until she’s no longer breathing. It’s a very Funkyverse reaction, but in this case I get it.
Dustin: How one date inspired Dustin Kudlick’s career in the pig butchering business.
GT: As you can tell by the name “Peanut”, the green hair, and the not-quite-human face, Gil is playing Connect Four with Jeff Dunham’s popular dummy, who somehow knows about the Coach Gerads thing.
Luann: Somehow this will end up with Luann doing yoga at the house of a Comics History professor who can speak
eloquentlyat length on Will Eisner and no one else.Marvin: Yesterday, the salesguy told Marvin’s Grandpa that they don’t sell glasses with frames like he already has. Today, he’s putting on an identical pair. Indifference: it’s what’s for dinner.
RMMD: The Scam Twins are supposed to be at community college but bagged it because classes were so boring. This makes me hope for a crossover where they go on a crime spree with Luann DeGroot. Who would be the brains of the operation? Puddles, obviously.
AC: I have absolutely no evidence for this, but my headcanon has always been that Guitar Bob is the Andy Capp team’s subtle dig at this Dylan fella that the kids are going on about these days. The folk club reference does not convince me otherwise.
Crank: I have, as they say, “got the reference” and yet I’m still not sure what Mindy’s talking about. She wants the robot shut down while singing “Daisy Bell”? She wants the robot to say it’s sorry but it can’t open the oven doors? She wants the robot to learn how to lip-read? What?
DT: Okay, if it turns out Widescreen has actually given Wallhack a USB stick full of crypto and a free laptop, this will be the first time a Dick Tracy story has surprised me since the “What if we relitigated an actual unsolved murder under incredibly transparent fake names?” Minit Misery didn’t cop out of actually accusing someone based on flimsy evidence. Only this time, I’d be surprised in a good way!
FC: “My brother’s into recycling. When he finds a good joke in Dad’s archives…”
MW: I’m pretty sure this is the second Bum Boat visit in a row that Jeff has decided against his “usual surf’n’turf” and I’m kind of annoyed that I remember this and Mary doesn’t.
SH: Look, there are two kinds of people in the world. The ones who already know she’s a border collie and saw this coming the moment the dog park was mentioned, and the ones who don’t care. (Okay, that’s not entirely true, there’s actually some overlap.)
FRAZZ: Two great minds think hink alike– Caulfield and Mrs. O call a truce. To
TINAS G: Don’t even bother asking them how many they’ve had, they’ve already taken the Fifth.
Dustin: The body of another young woman has been found in a trash dumpster. Story at eleven.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Dustin: The body of another young woman has been found in a trash dumpster. Story at eleven.
Yeah. Show us the dating app that can do that.
Today’s Mary Worth is particularly meaningless as it’s a strip about doing things differently that also is serving as filler between storylines.
Late Thread Cuisine: What a sausagefest!
@Horace Broon: I have absolutely no evidence for this, but my headcanon has always been that Guitar Bob is the Andy Capp team’s subtle dig at this Dylan fella that the kids are going on about these days. The folk club reference does not convince me otherwise.
Andy Capp fans lost their collective minds when Guitar Bob went eclectic.
@Baja Gaijin: What a sausagefest!
But, enough about Comics Curmudgeon.
@Baja Gaijin:
#125. First and last time I had a pecan waffle was at a Shoneys about thirty years ago. Thanks for inspiring me to get another!
Blondie The Neighborhood Bumstead: ” Honey, did you know today is National Antenna Hair Day?”
@Baja Gaijin: They don’t seem to be what I’d generally call breakfast sausages. As to what they do look like…
@Baja Gaijin: Probably delicious, but oh wow the photo staging. And lucky you if your brain says “sausage” because I’m reminded of the Mad (or was it Cracked?) article about futuristic ways to deal with doggy stuff where they drew “sausage links instead of -ick! – *you* know”
@Baja Gaijin: I’d definitely eat the waffle, although I’d spread the butter to make sure it melts into all of the waffle depressions. When I go out for breakfast, I hesitate to order waffles because by the time they get to the table, they’re too cold for the butter to melt properly.
I’m not sure about the sausage.
@Baja Gaijin: Aw, nuts. I was hoping for a Choucroute garnie.
Waffles and sausage are, barring evil or twisted menu, never bad! It is terrible photography, though.
Skippy – “When Uncle Louie has from the shop the glass blowers up…” German? Pennsylvania Dutch?
@Little Guy: It could be a verb. C’mon, everybody, let’s all judge Parker!
@127 Just John: Uh, do you know something we don’t?
@128 Activist: Shoney’s? Are they still around?
@130 Artist formerly known as Ben: I think you’re implying what CanuckDownSouth is stating in the next comment.
@131 CanuckDownSouth: Now I can’t unsee the waffles with a side of dog turds.
@132 I speak Jive: Those
dog doodiessausages don’t look hot enough to melt butter or even whipped margarine.@133 Ukulele Ike: That looks tasty. Do you not understand the gestalt of the Late Thread Cuisine? Oh, wait, these waffles are an actually tasty-looking dish, as long as you didn’t read comments #130 and #131 prior to viewing it. Proceed.
@134 A Grave Mind: I think they’re bangers from imported from England. Too bad these sausages didn’t “bang” in the skillet.
@136 Peanut Gallery: I think we’ve all been judging Parker for years.
Mary Worth is wish fulfillment for pluggers. Younger people hang on every word of her blather, while praising her strange-colored cooking. Her job, which includes a nice home, involves nothing more strenuous than an occasional poolside party. Her fit boyfriend has a boat and no interest in women under 60. All this, and ability to order and eat ANYTHING on the menu!
I fully expect a week where Mary goes to the Ladies’ Room, and comes back to enthuse about how regular she is