Monday is for ends, beginnings, and so on
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Mary Worth, 8/24/26
So, just to bring you up to speed on Mary Worth, last week there was no follow-up to Dawn’s single tear of romantic longing, and instead we got the sort of Mary congratulatory victory lap (Wilbur admitting to her at length that he was wrong to think ill of Dawn and Tommy hanging out and thanking her for setting him straight) that we’ve come to associate with the end of a storyline. So, it’s not clear to me if this BUZZ BUZZ! is Dawn-heartbreak-related, or if we’re starting a new plot, one where the United States has devolved into chaos and Charterstone residents now rely on the supplemental food supply that Mary was wise enough to establish. Sure, everyone seems pretty calm given that background, but you have to understand that Mary decides how many weekly calories your conduct has entitled you to, so nobody wants to get too out of pocket no matter how much panic they’re feeling inside.
The Phantom, 8/24/26
The Phantom was introduced to the world two years before Superman and three years before Batman, and I appreciate the way that he has stubbornly stayed a sort of proto-superhero rather than evolving with the rest of the cape genre (he’s never worn a cape, for one thing). So, for instance, he’s kind of like Batman in that he’s an ordinary human whose “powers” are the result of relentless training, but unlike Batman or just about any other superhero, one of his powers is that he’s really good at shooting guns. And he’ll do it, too! New problem on the horizon, like AI-controlled drones? Why not solve that problem by shooting at it, with guns? Let’s give it a go! Probably can’t hurt!
Herb and Jamaal, 8/24/26
You gotta admit, Sarah is taking a high-risk, high-reward strategy in this conversation. Sure, Jamaal was probably going to reply to her statement in panel two with a question that would allow her to bust out this sick burn, but wasn’t guaranteed by any means. What if Jamaal had been like, “Oh, he keeps saying he’s going to start working out, good for him!” and then, what, she’s going to say, “Uh, yeah, well, uh, guess what kind of exercises he’s doing. Just guess.” “Huh, I dunno, I told him he might want to start with some resistance tr–” “DIDDLY SQUATS”
Pluggers, 8/24/26
A public library is a plugger data center, in the sense that it’s something a plugger will go to a city council meeting to oppose because he thinks it’ll make his taxes go up.
76 replies to “Monday is for ends, beginnings, and so on”
Mary Worth:
In today’s first panel, Iggy Pop prepares to soliloquize the tomato in the style of Hamlet, Act V, Scene I.
Herb and Jamaal: Wow! The turnaround time on this strip is pretty fast: Only yesterday, Pluggers did the exact same gag and in only one panel!
Mary Worth:
The Charterstone residents eye and handle Mary’s crop yield with curiosity, never having seen vegetables before.
H&L Lois reveals she has the most boring bookclub *ever*, as it is absolutely forbidden that they talk about *anything* other than the book
JP With her new role as Imparter of Wisdom to CIApril, Abbey is growing – already she is almost as tall seated as Neddy is standing to pour coffee. Her hand hasn’t caught up yet but this is a minor consideration as she feels the power. You were able to convince the Chaos-character. Yes. Soon you will be ready to challenge The Mary, whose powers grow weak as she gets distracted by gardening and barely meddles her flock…
Mary Worth:
“Sorry — I’ve got to run and squeeze this tomato. Ketchup later!”
The Phantom loves him some Indiana Jones.
I am a HUGE lover of libraries, and I recently saw a button on a real person (not a Plugger), that said “A library is my data center.” I wanted to get one of those buttons until I saw the sentiment appropriated by Pluggers today. Something nagged at me about that. Thank you, Josh, for cogently pointing out what that was.
MW: We laughed at the “supplemental food supply” back in May, but the good residents of Charterstone didn’t spend the summer worried about diarrhea lettuce so maybe the joke’s on us.
Phantom:
Devil, mentally summoning the stark verbiage and imagery of Robert Frost’s The Egg and the Machine, growls menacingly at the newfangled airborne contraption.
Wrecks Moregone:
“For example, I am concerned that you two can’t even dress differently from each other.”
“Oh, Gramps. We’re just practicing for when we’re finally locked up, and won’t have to dress differently from each other or anyone at all!”
____________________________________________
Murky Tail:
Giant Cave Salamander wisely decides to pack his bags and leave town.
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Wary Morth:
Calling? I thought it was a cucumber shaped…toy…in Mary’s bag that accidentally turned itself on.
Pluggers:
You can bet that the title of that tome he’s reaching for isn’t Healthy Eating.
PLUGGERS: They really should abandon use of that top shelf, because Pluggers shrink a little every year. Trust me on this.
MW: Too soon for Dr Jeff’s fawning kiss-ass date, so my money’s on Dawn teetering on the edge of the cliff.
LUANN: So, the counselor automatically assumed that the word “Skye” made Luann want to be a flight attendant? I have a tiny bit more empathy for Luann now.
RMMD: Are Rene and Gramps concerned that the twins are criminals or that they’re not better criminals?
H & J: oddly enough, the “diddly-squats” joke was featured in Pluggers yesterday. Did Tom Calvert of Dallas, TX, send think so much of his suggestion that he sent it to both strips?
“Hmm, I have an idea for a Lockhorns wisecrack, but I don’t write the Lockhorns, I write Herb and Jamaal, so not only do I not write the right comic it’s not even the right format. Eh, I’m sure it won’t be too awkward if I stretch it out to strip length.”
MW: Yipes! Stripes! dress lady appreciates the calm acceptance of her unique condition of having two left arms.
MW: The hot new TikTok trend at the moment is fruit and vegetable shaped sex toys (don’t ask me why – I’m just telling you what the influencers told me) and it looks like Mary’s getting in on the act. Just look at everyone’s sly smiles as they eye up those enormous phallic “zucchini”. BUZZ BUZZ!
MW: I love the expressions of the random Charterstone residents, who look like they want to make a saucy joke about a zucchini but know better than to say that shit while Mary is in earshot.
H&J: If there is one thing I do not want to see in this strip, it’s Herb’s “diddly” getting a workout.
Pluggers: I like the placement of that sign, which suggests that the public library is just a single bookcase in a corner of a building that seems to a severe mold problem.
MW: Considering Mary’s the only one we’ve ever seen working in the “community” garden, I’d say she has the right to control distribution. Though I’d like to see Mary’s reaction when she finds someone else tending it.
Pluggers: [Conceives of 500-acre library campuses dotting the American landscape] [Sobs]
MW: Observe how drippy and gormless every Charterstone resident appears. The better to meddle with, of course.
@Schroduck: Joke’s on them, about the only thing a zucchini that size is good for is a sex toy.
Mary Worth: Mary is a superior human being. She keeps her phone ringer off in public spaces. Be like Mary.
@Baja Gaijin: I feel like H&J’s specialty is is stretching a simple joke across four panels, like a meatloaf that’s half breadcrumbs. Hey, kinda like their diner!
It’s gotten so bad in Charterstone, the residents have to share their arms.
Also, I am reminded of Freddy Cannon’s classic track “Buzz Buzz A Diddle It.” Finally, Mary Worth serves a purpose!
To be fair, data centers are the one issue where conservative grump pluggers stand side by side with crunchy liberal environmentalists.
Phantom: And that’s it. Story over, now for Kit to go around and start punching.
Curtis: P1& P2 – It’s that something Greg would say instead of Curtis, instead of the other way around?
Luann: Try “decades”.
yLuann: “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” did it first. They did it with lists and still screwed up, but they did it first. And better.
yyLuann: Now that’s she’s pregnant, they can wear sleepwear again.
yyyLuann: “After all, I felt adventurous when I finally found the right hole!”
So when did Luann start having little Easter-egg gags like the ones in Fogarty’s diploma?
MW – Would ya get a load of them tomatoes!
Phantom – What? Ya think I’m just gonna stand here and let you drone on?
H&J – They were preceded by rigorous sets of pud pounding….
Pluggers – Pluggers haven’t had a decent live stream since Rush Limbaugh croaked….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Tonio:
Mrs Fogarty/Phelps’ diplomas in her office being “little easter egg gaqs” that are just “Mrs Fogarty/Phelps is an incompetent” jokes has essentially been the character’s gimmick from day one, when the comic was sillier (in art style and tone). I think it’s more like that the strip dropped that angle when Luann graduated, so Mrs Fogarty/Phelps stopped appearing in the strip.
There doesn’t seem to be a price for that produce, Charterstone, but it will come at a cost. Oh, there will be a cost.
***
Silly pluggers, libraries and data centers aren’t the same thing at all! If they were, why would your local government want to force one upon you but take the other away?
MW: Mary uses customer-driven pricing for her veggies. “Nice watch. The tomatoes are uh, $3.50 each.”
Mary Worth: They managed to find a completely unnatural way of delivering sound effects in comics! Good for them! Sure, I thought the “BUZZ BUZZ” over Mary’s purse was a surrealistic sign explaining how much veggies cost at Mary’s table. No worries, clarity and coherence are the price of extremely bad innovation.
In today’s Mary Worth, inanimate vegetables are exposed to so much meddling that they gain consciousness and religion. Sit back and enjoy VeggieTales: Origin.
Jamal is rightly curious about what sort of exercises Herb is doing considering his body shape and general (lack of) health; but the reality is his next question would probably be: “should I call an ambulance before or after I get there?”
H&J: Rightfully, Jamaal is going to assume Herb is busy on the toilet.
MW: Which Charterstone dwellers are going to use the yellow squashes as sex toys? Let the speculation begin.
Mary Worth:
In fact, no one is calling—Mary’s just getting out her phone to cover for the fact that due to dying batteries the vibrator she keeps in her purse went off.
MW: Standing in line behind his arm-challenged neighbor at Mary’s Community Room Produce Stand, the older gentleman gazes thoughtfully at the array of tomatoes, summer squash, and okra, and wonders if any of these vegetables might help with his goiter.
@Lauralot: That’s not an accident. Mary loads up those vegetables with all sorts of mood-altering substances. And not the fun kinds.
FC:
Once Dolly starts shit talking, no one is safe.
MW: The Window Eel extends its reach to the edge of the table and waits for its opportunity to lift Mary’s wallet from her purse.
DT: Tomorrow we learn how Wallhack got the nickname “Wallhack” when he hacks through a wall to get away from our current archvillain, Homicidal Porch Pirate.
As a librarian, you’re mostly right. Pluggers will oppose funding libraries but will still complain when library staff can’t refund 30 cents of their free $7 weekly printing credit because they managed to print three copies of an email’s subject instead of the chain letter the email contained
Pluggers are also the ones who, despite growing up in the time of shushing libraries, feel the most comfortable sitting down in the computer lab and yelling “I don’t know how to do this” at the library staff at the reference desk 15 feet away
Bad Machinery: Charlotte Grotte has been drawn extra-adorable this whole storyline, but after today’s final two panels I’m ready to buy the stuffed plushie.
The library tech who moved all copies of The Iliad and The Odyssey to the top library shelf with the release of the movie secretly snickers to himself as he watches out-of-shape and overweight Pluggers reach for it.
SlylickFox And Comics For Kinky Kids: Solution — Max is an idiot #696968, and I’m sure Scratchy appreciates the appearence of Forrestville Hotel’s famed Room 609.
MARY WORTH: Given the smug self-satisfied smiles of the Charterstone residents, the “buzz buzz” from Mary’s purse and the…er…interesting shape of all of the vegetables, I;m actually think Mary is distributing her own line of organic sex toys.
The Ghost Who Disables Automatic Updates — And with a Whrrrr, Grrr, and a Blam, the Phantom saves the world from technological overreach!
Pluggers need to go to the library to get their thrills by checking out Peyton Place because Lord knows there’s nothing racy on the internet. . .
MW — Give a Charterstone resident a vegetable and they’ll eat for a day. Teach them how to grow them and they’ll have the place overrun with vermin. . .
The Familliar Mucus: “Mommy says,’Dinner will be burned in 20 minutes!’ “
MARY WORTH: Hmmm. Maybe Mary is so smug because it looks like ol’ Harv is back and she knows she can make a good killing off of him.
Harv: “I’ll give you $200,000 dollars for those tomatoes!”
Mary: “Um…Harv. This is a community garden and so these vegetables are free for any condo resident who…”
Harv: “You drive a hard bargain. Ok $300,000!”
Mary then shrugs and trades the veggies for cash. Meanwhile Harv gently squeezes his round firm tomatoes in each hand while reminiscing about Trixie for some reason….
MW: Another possibility is that the U.S. has descended into chaos, like Josh suggest, but that it’s just happened this morning, and the Charterstone residents are still blissfully unaware that Armageddon’s now raging all around them. Mary’s phone is blowing up with news updates!
BIZARRO: My first impression was that the chef is about to beat the customer senseless with that big wooden paddle. Of course, I don’t read Bizarro often, so for all I know, that’s par for the course in this comic.
BLONDIE: Wait, are these guys still in school? Maybe getting physically assaulted by the boss every other day is worth it if you can have three months off every year.
CS: Please, please, please be the catalyst that sets off The Burnings. I want to see The Burnings. And I want to see it all start in the dining room of Montoni’s.
Goodness me there are already three comments regarding the use of Mary’s aggressively-shaped vegetables as sex toys in this comment section. We must have all spent the weekend doing yard work and reading novels written in the nineteenth century. Perhaps the Chartersonians are not as frustrated as we are and a squash is just a food item? Nah, who am I kidding, those veggies will soon be in a cool dark place.
Six Chix And A Cat Who Wants To Be Made One With Everything In Search Of A Punchline: Who had Six Chix and Mr Abernarhy reruns in this week’s “Which Comics Will Cross The Streams This Week™ contest?
MW: Does Mary sell the “community garden” vegetables back to the residents at a profit, or does she simply ration them out based on her own judgment of who is the most worthy to receive them? Either seems possible given her weirdly autocratic position at Charterstone.
Phantom: Weird that the current Phantom writers are trying desperately (and unsuccessfully) to retcon the white savior/colonialist underpinnings of his origin story, but are fine with continuing to let him rely on firearms in defiance of modern vigilante hero ethics. Maybe this is why Fake!Elon and his drones have been introduced: shooting robots doesn’t come with any implicit moral ambiguity, much in the same way the Foot Soldiers in the 80s-90s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were turned into robots so the title characters could smash them up with impunity.
Pluggers: The Plugger relationship with libraries is indeed a complex one. They visit regularly to check out their weekly supply of fifteen James Patterson books and come by every April to get help navigating the IRS.gov website, yet they’ll vote down any bond measure that would provide funding and rant at the children’s staff because they caught a glimpse of the gay penguin book they were ranting about on Fox.
MW-It’s Dawn. Time to talk another Weston off the ledge.
Mary Worth: So Mary is now growing and publicly distributing large amounts of garden vegetables — during the same summer when there’s been a huge uptick in produce-related foodborne illnesses, including salmonella, cyclospora, and E. coli. Coincidence? Sure, probably. But Mary takes credit for everything; it’s time she took the blame for some things, too! If that’s the FDA on the phone, warn them that Wilbur has been seen picking vegetables from the garden with his bare hands, so we can probably expect an outbreak of several more pathogens they haven’t even heard of before.
Beat Up Bailey: No wonder the troops aren’t eating, the requisitioned reject trays have no food compartments in them, the Pentagon’s OPERATION STARVE OUT CAMP SWAMPY is in full force!
C’shaft: Oh please, like Mopey Pete had the money to shell out for a robo waiter.
Dustin: Don’t be rolling your eyes, Dustin, you majored in English. If anything your vocabulary should sound like that all the time.
GT: Isn’t false imprisonment one of those things that should get you fired from a teaching position?
JP: How did Neddy go from temporary caregiver to Charlotte to official full-time guardian? Or does nobody in this heavily law-connected family realize that there’s a bit more to having responsibility for a child than “we just decided it works best this way”?
Luann: I would be a hypocrite if I said you needed to pick a career path before twenty and stick with it for the rest of your life. I would also be lying if I said I thought Luann’s new “ultimate purpose in life” will last more than a semester.
DT: Uh, remind again, why having the box is so crucial to their case? They have two computers already. This is just going to make the whole trash diving by the ladies earlier seem even more superfluous.
Flash Gordon: Mongo has a fractious and chaotic political scene, but their process engineering and manufacturing science remains top notch. Ships, war machines, and all sort of manufactured goods are wrecked regularly, yet, they are soon replaced. Good going industrial engineers! Still wonder about Ming’s economic backing. New fleets, new armies, new war machines, and such all cost a lot of money. Is he running a huge deficit? The interest payments must be enormous.
JP: Are Ronnie and Anne finalizing the deal in La La Land? Will they cut out Neddy from the sweet post-pilot deal?
MW: The phone call is from the harbor police. They just fished Wilbur out of the water. After talking with Mary, he was in such an uplifted eyes on the horizon mood, that he didn’t realize he was walking off the pier until he hit the water.
Phantom: Good shooting from the Phantom. This strip has all of the answers to the current scourge of the battlefield: the drone. The Wambisis nailed one with just two spears! The Phantom is taking one down using a pistol and shooting from the hip! Forget all of these jammers, counter missiles, and even shot guns.
RMMD: Rene failed to explain to Uncle Lyle that he realizes the twins are psycho/social pathic. They have already decided on their plan and Uncle Lyle is just a thing in their way, a nuisance. Later Rene watching prison TV sees the local news: “Local man reported missing. He is identified as Lyle Ollman. The police are asking for anyone who may have information on his whereabouts to contact them.”
MW: Missus DiFerraro shows up early and attempts to take ALL the fresh tomatoes to make fresh marinara for family Sunday dinner. Does Mary a) gently dissuade her; b) point out the virtue of sharing with neighbors; c) see Missus DiFerraro draws back a stump.
Luann’s lifetime ambition is to be a preteen summer camp counselor. Luckily, the profession pays well enough to support her the other nine months of the year.
PLUGGERS: That Plugger is removing all of the LGBT books, so that he can show Fox News and his Facebook followers all of the “woke smut” the library is distributing to our children. (Sure that book is high so whatever age group this is “inappropriate” for can’t get it anyway, but can’t take the risk little Timmy might learn that some people have two mommies or his head might explode or something.)
You think you can do that type of Bible-thumping self-aggrandizement with a data center?! I think not!
GT: Wait a sec, Gil. A restraining order to keep Gerads and Darby 100 yards away from this comic strip is something readers would enjoy.
Beetle Bailey doesn’t feature Plato today. He’d be the first to tell Cookie that there will be less, not fewer, leftovers tomorrow, to which Cookie would do something unsanitary to Plato’s food.
FC: BDK can already smell what’s on the menu, and would like nothing more that Dolly to help Thel, along with Jeffy, Billy, and Trixie. Rather than get this over with, Daddy wants to delay its onset for as long as possible.
Zits: “Calves”, like from an iceberg? Miracle of miracles, Jeremy has been paying attention in science class!
H&L: “Boys’ Night Out” has the right punctuation. It’s not singular, and more’s the pity. Hi spending the evening alone would beat his spending time with his (now even more) drunk best friend and the nameless nobodies we see next to him at work.
RMMD – “Gramps, ‘Rene’ is Uncle Jimmy’s pen name. You know, the name his cellmate gave him on his first day in the pen.”
Mary will give away all kind of fruits and vegetables to people. But not apples! The syndicate has decided that Apple Mary was not the same character as Mary Worth, so they want to avoid any suggestion that could undermine their case that the countdown to public domain character should start some years later
“I wonder who is calling?” I guess there was not enough space for a third panel with the caller ID, allowing this amazing cliffhanger!
REX MORGAN M.D.: “We’re concerned about you…which is why we haven’t talked to you for years. Because of ‘concern'” (Like, the story keeps forgetting that all of these people are estranged. from each other, and have publicly said that they don’t like or respect each other at all.)
Sarah is not concerned about Herb, indeed might look forward for the opportunity to remarry. But Jamaal needs Herb as a business partner, so he is invested in him taking up regular exercise! Do those push-ups, Herb!
California Pluggers are too progressive to engage in reactionary culture war propaganda, but they are still Pluggers, so they will channel their reactionary impulses into snobbery
“Damn, this gun is too small to hurt a drone of that size! Luckily I can make it bigger through my superpower of forced perspective!”
My Plugger library moment occurred decades ago when I was a relatively young man and I went to the library to check out a book on treating your own back and neck pain (the so called McKenzie method if you’re curious) only to find that the book was on the very bottom shelf requiring a painful bend down to pick it up.
MW: One person you won’t see in that line is Ed Kudlick. A fresh vegetable to him is like garlic to Dracula.
What A Frazzhole!: (Fourth panel) “Ok, Caulfield, turn your head and cough.” ” Mrs Olson, are you SURE you’re allowed to do this?”
Mary’s Worst: I wonder who is calling? Its ether Abbott or Costello. Do they live in Charterstone? Did Mary take Mr Fields’ job as landlord?
Luann: Not totally wrong. After hearing “Camp Skye” she said flight attendant and not pilot. Even the dopiest counselor in higher ed wouldn’t think of Luann in a position responsible for her own let alone other people’s lives.
As Mary puts out garden vegetables in the community room for residents, all of whom — Mary included — are stoned out of their minds on the strong, unlicensed cannabis she’s growing behind the string beans, proving that her objection to Tommy dealing drugs was solely that he charged for them…