Saturday is for fraught relationships
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Luann, 8/1/26
Much as it pains me to give Luann some credit, and much as it pains me to say anything positive about the “Brad and Toni have sex in the shower” interlude, I will admit that it’s a positive step that the strip has finally moved beyond ribaldry and is now admitting “Yes, the couples in our strip have sex, like normal people do.” Or at least some of the couples! Because I guess Phil and Luann might move in together, but possibly in separate bedrooms, and Luann is like “Oh, huh, well, this is … not what I expected?” Very odd situation for college (or older?) age adults to find themselves in, but at least we’re back to the old sexually confusing and/or gross Luann scenarios we all know and love.
Gil Thorp, 8/1/26
Quite an interesting list of wedding guests vendors Gil has assembled: his enemy-turned-pal/employee Coach Luke is his officiant, his enemy-turned-frenemy(?) Marty Moon is his DJ, and his still-current-enemy Coach Gerads is, nonconsensually, his bartender. Ha ha, he’s wearing Groucho glasses as a disguise, what a kook! I assume that he murdered the bartenders Gil hired and, via a slow-acting poison in the drinks, has also murdered most of the guests at this point.
Hi and Lois, 8/1/26
It’s not clear to me if Thirsty failed to make his usual golf time with Hi because he’s passed out drunk so Hi has been assigned a partner on the course, or if Hi has decided to make a new friend because Thirsty is chronically drunk and unreliable, but this guy’s shocked expression in panel two shows that he has a lot to learn about Hi’s complex emotional life. A guy who’s playing golf … even though he hates playing golf? Who ever heard of such a thing!
Archie, 8/1/26
So in order for this strip to work, you have to imagine that Archie’s dad abruptly and without explanation told his family to pack, checked out of their hotel early, and now they’ve been driving in silence for hours until his wife finally got the nerve up to ask what’s going on and he replies, heavy lidded, “I’m tired, dear. I’m so tired.” Pretty chilling!
Shoe, 8/1/26
Biz, I don’t think you should be making a sly, flirtatious face at Roz as you explain that all your friends are dead! I think that’s going to make everyone uncomfortable, actually.
125 replies to “Saturday is for fraught relationships”
Shoe: “In other words, Roz. Love the one you’re with (wink wink).”
Gil Thorp:
“I’ll have another old-fashioned. Send it straight to DJ Moon, though!”
Shoe:
What a happy, fun theme to start a Saturday. I can sure see why they call this a “comic.”
Shoe. “No, at 69 you get together with friends (wink, wink,say no more)”.
MW:
“Beedie? He took a few days off…actually, whom am I kidding? He’s taken a whole lifetime off. You know how it is with those former felon drug addict types….”
Luann:
I think what’s happening is that Luann is assuming they need to get additional roommates to afford a two-bedroom unit on their meager salaries. The guy (I don’t remember his name and I refuse to look it up) is about to reveal he has a candidate all lined up, who will presumably be ironic, or horrifying, or something. Of course, despite the strip’s new “oh my god people actually have sex, can you believe it?” stance, Luann definitely seems like she’s too neurotic to have it in any sort of shared living space, so her semi-voluntary celibacy will continue.
Hi and Lois:
“Now is the winter of my discontent.”
“You should be Bard from making a play on words like that, Hi!”
Shoe 2 Electric Bird A Lou : “Speaking of…tell the Professor Herm says ‘Hi'”
Hi and Lois:
Both Hi and this mystery man have their putters out, so they’ve played the majority of at least one hole already, and judging by Hi’s dialogue, he’s already started profoundly fucking things up. His partner’s question thus becomes less “friendly small talk” and more “cruel taunting”.
GT: Coach Gerads sits on the curb outside the club dejected. “Wait. He can fire me?”
Low and Hi-Less: “Flagston, did you really need to jam this golf club in my head just because you missed that shot?” “Sorry, I didn’t realize how dependent I got on the six packs Thursty would bring in his golf bag.”
@Vulpes: I lived with only one gf (later married) and we started a bit later in life with a 2BR. We had more stuff, and from what I’m guessing, more money than these two, plus it was mumblemumble years ago.
Hi playing even though he hates golf? No. Hi playing because he hates golf, and actual self-flagellation gets you committed these days.
MW:
“Beedie? He told me that he was going to a constitutional monarchy in southeast Asia with a population of approximately sixty-six million people. I asked him if that meant he was going to Thailand, and he said, ‘Yes, Siam!’ “
SHOE: Is he really 96, or just moulting and sneaking the senior discount? Hard to tell with birds.
GT: Does being a winning coach normally result in unrelenting hostility, dire threats and ominous wedding-crashing from all of the other coaches? Is that a thing? I’m not much of a sports person.
Archie : I wonder what the heck Fred (ArchieDad)’s large adult son got up to that he’s THIS desperate to immediately end their vacation. Like, Archie’s the lamest, most squeaky-clean loser to ever be in a love dodecahedron, so what kind of incredible prude and chaste shenanigans did he get into?
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Beetle Bailey : I know it’s necessary for the “Idiotic plan is approved because all the smart people keep quiet while the brownnoser speaks up in approval” joke, but what is Lt Fuzz doing in this meeting? Actually, outside of Major Greenbrass and Captain Scabbard, what are they doing at this meeting? Those six can’t be the most senior officers* at Camp Swampy, can they? Because “Camp Swampy is a fake military base for rejects” aside, that’s a small skeleton crew! (they couldn’t put no-name colonel randos in there?)
*Sarge isn’t even an officer!
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Dennis the Menace : is unloved and abandoned by everyone, and no one looks for him when he goes missing. LAUGH IT’S FUNNY!
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Gil Thorp : I like to think that Coach Gerads’ mustachioed sidekick was not wearing a disguise at all, and Gil Thorp still didn’t recognise him.
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Hi & Lois : only a true pessimist would hate both Spring and Fall, but see Summer as merely the buffer between those two seasons, not even worth naming as its own season. Truly living up to the “Secret Anti-Joy comic” moniker
(except for the “keeping it a secret” part)**********
Six Chix : Little did young Doreen Green and Tippy-Toe realise how far their new partnership would take them.
Luann: What’s funny about this strip is Phil’s expression in the last panel: he looks really excited to tell Luann that they won’t be sharing a bed! Maybe what really gets him off sexually is disappointing Luann, which, in a way, I kinda get.
GT: No, no, Coach Gerads, you’re supposed to say your own name with bolded emphasis. It’s not shocking that Gil is at his own wedding, it’s that you are. Listen, why don’t you kidnap the coatchecker and try this again?
H&L Is it just me, or should this conversation be happening anywhere other than a golf course? I mean, even if you assume that they haven’t started playing yet (and thus this new character couldn’t see for himself), it jsut seems rude. “So how are you at this game we’re about to play? Do you suck at it? ”
Archie: Man, they don’t make cars like they used to, huh? I really miss those nice compacts that were only about 4 feet wide with a completely stainless steel interior, seats and all.
Shoe: Roz suddenly remembers those news reports of mysteriously dug up graves and shadowy figures lumbering through the night…
Six Chex And A Cat Named J.Nebus Asking “Have the Chix Ever Seen a Squirrel?” In Search Of A Punchline: “No, they draw everything like that.”
Wizard of Id: Good thing it’s the king’s order, otherwise the guard’s knowledge of Newtonian physics would get him excommunicated, if not burned at the stake.
Between Friends: Half of the Serenity Prayer? Susan must be more of a wine mom than she lets on.
MW: The narration doesnt’ say it was a discreet inquiry.
Dawn: “I was hoping Tommy didn’t have a relapse.”
Manager: “Relapse? Lemme tell HR!”
FC: Thel has been perpetually ten years out of high school since Eisenhower was president. At least give us a look at what the hairstyle was! I’m thinking Cyndi Lauper / Madonna early 80s, complete with the lace gloves.
Ph: Here I was thinking that POC who narrowly escaped(?) Schmelon Schmusk’s clutches the first time he showed up was going to be the deus ex machina, but I guess it’s going to be this random waitress who is two seconds away from getting fired?
MW: Her one lead exhausted, Dawn drives around the neighborhood with her head out the window calling ‘Tommy! Here, Tommy! That’s a good boy!’
RMMD: Who the heck is Marti and why should we care that Sarah is seeing her?
H&L – These guys are both holding putters, meaning they are about to tee off with the worst possible club in the bag to tee off with, or they’re on the green doing stupid banter while the group behind them is waiting for them to clear. Either way, they should golf doesn’t seem to be their game.
FC: Trying to imagine what the typical hairstyle would be in an Australian city that changed its name from Nashville to Gympie. I’m stuck between Marge Simpson and Road Warrior.
GT: “Why does this drink smell like bitter almonds?”
“Uh, um …I just had a Mars bar.”
Luann: The obvious solution is for TJ to be Phil’s roommate. The pregnant couple probably wants TJ to leave, Phil can’t afford an apartment without a roommate, and Luann’s proven herself to be financially unreliable.
MW: A supermarket stock-boy asks for a few days off with no advance notice, and gets them? Add “retail business” to the long list of topics that the writers know nothing about.
H&L: How’s your golf game, stranger?” (Smiles)
“Sucks in the spring. Sucks in summer and sucks in fall.”
Shelly throws down his prop club, turns his back and walks off the green.
[scene cut from Glengarry Glen Ross after test audiences found it too depressing]
@The Quiet Man: Phantom – no, that’s Nomad’s daughter working in a bar while she and Sophie are students in Mawitaan
Hi is exasperated in the spring because he needs to get back into form after the winter layoff, and frustrated in the fall because the season for his beloved golf is drawing to a close, so between those two he is happy! I am not wearing my glasses and can’t make out facial expressions.
@24 Banana Jr. 6000: “Luann’s proven herself to be
financiallyunreliable.” Fixed that for ya.Archie’s dad’s car is going so fast it’s levitating; he must be in a hurry to get home. Maybe he’s one of those guys who can’t use the bathroom anyplace but home.
In the original art for Shoe, Biz’s beak straightened out.
@Vulpes: I think this is calling back to Luann’s plan where she wasn’t thinking of “moving in” with Phil but IIRC the phrase was “moving out” and she explained to The Girl Who Told Phil that, um, yeah, she’d need her own bedroom. Which led to even more layers of tee-hee misunderstanding considering that Luann never even told Phil about trying to get a promotion to get enough money to split an apartment with him. Somehow Phil is supposed to know about Luann wanting to share a roof but not a bed. Somebody else can calculate where this you have to assume the unmarried aren’t actually cohabitating Luanniverse rule lands on the Fundie Sexual Spectrum
This is one of those rare occasions when I see something interesting in Gil Thorp. Obviously not the plot, but the enigmatic “SHK SHK” onomatopoeia that merges with the shadows of Coach Gerads’ armpit.
I was hoping for a comment about Dinette Set just watching the tornado that’s going to kill them all.
Gil Thorp-The bartenders were rolled up in blankets and thrown off of a bridge.
MW-Dawn can’t be away from a man for more than five minutes without falling to pieces.
Shoe-It’s funny because he longs for the sweet embrace of death.
Shoe-He is either admitting he wishes he was dead or that he is secretly a serial killer who takes his victims to cemetaries.
GT: Once again, why does Coach Permawave want to attend Gil’s wedding so badly? He doesn’t like the guy, and the feeling is obviously mutual. Is it because the entire universe revolves around Gil Thorp and he wants to be as close to that nexus as possible?
Luann: “Settler” sounds like something that will describe Luann for much of her life, beginning with Phil.
JP: “I’ll be downstairs waiting in the lobby! For a ride back, like a seven-year old! I’d call an Uber, but there’s no place in this dress to carry a phone.”
MW: Next Week’s Adventure: DAWN LOOKS FOR TOMMY SOME MORE!!!
GT: ”I know you don’t make an Old-Fashioned in a cocktail shaker, but the guy behind you asked for seven martinis and I decided to serve him first.”
@Anonymous: It’s a real pity you didn’t let your Archie comment stand alone, because that probably means it won’t be COTW, which it deserves for the phrase “love dodecahedron” alone!
@Banana Jr. 6000: On the one hand, I’m betting you’re right and that’s all going to be part of the ‘grand reset’ the Evansii will have in place by the time The Spawn of Bwadoni is unleashed upon the world. On the other hand, Bwadoni have been clearly on record as wanting TJ to stay so he can cook and clean and do all the boring chores, which I’m sure will eventually include diaper duty, while also paying rent to Mr. DeGroot.
C’shaft: “Wait, that wasn’t the word, what did they say…? Oh right, ‘boring and stupid’.”
DT: I can’t believe this is the first time Dick Tracy has been cussed out by a Yiddish retiree.
Dustin: You think Dustdad can cook? Please, it’s obvious he considers that to be the wife’s job, even as he complains constantly about the results.
Pluggers are in constant pain, all the time.
RMMD: Can you prove this conversation isn’t AI-generated?
The Evil Coach in Gil Thorp removing his disguise (?) and revealing, in big bold letters, not his own identity, but that of… Gil Thorp, the person he’s talking to, the groom at the wedding they’re all at, as if the groom’s name were the big secret, is one of the funniest things ever to happen in the strip.
@Bob Tice:
Irony
So, what caption do we think this would have as a Pluggers? “When a Plugger gets together with old friends” or “A Plugger romantic walk”?
Shoe – That sly look isn’t flirtatious. That sly look means, “And I’m the one who put them there.”
Note: Since Comics Kingdom doesn’t run a new Don Abundio on Sundays, I’ve been reaching back into the archives for older ones on Sundays. Today’s Don Abundio is a repeat of the one I did last Sunday, and it looks like future ones for a while will continue to be repeats of ones I’ve already done. So, for now I will be going backwards through even older ones from the archives. Confused? So am I! But I’m pretty sure I haven’t done this one before.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’ll give you a ride home, Flora”
“Thanks, boss”
“You pay me well to wear mini-skirts, even in winter…”
“But you won’t have as much to look at if I freeze my ass off!”
MW- While desperately seeking Tommy, little does Dawn know that he’s hiding in Mary’s garden. He blends right in with the rest of the vegetables .
Retirement homes have an STI problem because it turns out that elderly people still like to have sex, and I assume the Luann creative team started opening up to the subject when they discovered that old folks are horny humans too. I don’t think any of us are ready though for Phil explaining to Luann how they need an extra bed for swinging.
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Retirement homes have an STI problem because it turns out that elderly people still like to have sex, but sometimes they get confused and think that everyone under 60 is goth. Roz is wearing green and yellow, dude! She doesn’t want to have cemetery sex!
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Retirement homes have an STI problem because it turns out that elderly people still like to have sex. This has nothing to do with Archie, but something has to take my mind off how angry it’s making me. Not only for the reasons Josh laid out, but what tired Old Man Andrews out so much? His son is a teen, so it’s not like he’s going to be a rambunctious handful. Maybe a little moody, but it’s well established that he’s only an asshole when it comes to being non-committal in his relationships with Betty and Veronica. Other than that, he’s a good kid. Mary has never been shown to be a Loretta Lockhorn type who drags her husband to events he has no interest in. So he needs a rest from what?!? I would accept this attempt at a punchline from Hank Mitchell or Bil Keane because of the established family dynamics, but not here.
MW – And the boss goes, “What’s the matter with Tommy?”
Dawn goes, “There’s nothing wrong, sir”
He goes, “Don’t tell me that, he’s on drugs!”
Dawn goes, “No, sir, he’s not on drugs, he’s okay, he’s just thinking, you know? Why don’t you get me a Pepsi?”
He goes, “No, he’s on drugs!!”
Dawn goes, “Sir, just get me a Pepsi, please? All I want is a Pepsi.”
And he wouldn’t give it to her!
GT: Join us Monday when new bride Beth bails Gil out of the Milford jail.
Gil Thorp: We can pretend that Coach Gerads snuck into the wedding for narrative purposes if it moves the story forward (it won’t), but to make this strip vaguely plausible, I have to actively suspend my disbelief in ways hitherto unimagined.
If anyone with eyes sees that hair metal ponytail and doesn’t think, “Oh no, Coach Gerads,” they deserve whatever’s coming to them.
Archie: I just assumed the joke was that, out on an empty road, Fred has the shits and is desperate for a rest stop or restroom, but is looking for an even more gentle euphemism than either of those.
Mutt & Jeff – “I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.”
Hey, hey he’s the Archie: Perhaps Fred Clark Andrews finally made good on his threat and turned that car around. He’s tired of Archie’s constantly saying, “I spy with my little eye …’
Luann-“Luann, I want Bernice to move in with me.”
Archie Mashup: Today’s Archie, pre-censor.
Luann: Does anyone else wonder what Luann would look like if she were bald-headed but those eyebrows of hers were still floating about five or six inches above her eyes? No? Just me? Okay.
GT: Okay, I can buy that, as a high school sports coach, Gil would have professional rivals, i.e. other high school sports coaches. But I don’t believe he’d have the kind of enemies who would crash/potentially ruin his wedding. That’s a whole other level of rivalry. That’s a “you killed my father, prepare to die” type of rivalry.
H&L: The best detail here is definitely that tree with the branch sawed off. It makes a great visual metaphor for the emasculated impotence Hi Flagston must feel every day of his life.
Arch: Lady, just don’t say anything else to your husband, and maybe — just maybe — he won’t intentionally crash the car.
Shoe: Oh, come on, Roz. Don’t look shocked. Why would even ask that question if you weren’t setting up a “punchline”?
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: “WHERE THE HELL’S THE BEEF??!!?”
@56 Joe Blevins: on Luann: Those aren’t Luann’s eyebrows. They’re small curved twigs caught in the gravitational pull of the black hole between her ears.
Luann: The cast of Luann are so repressed and ignorant about sex beyond a vague conception of “that thing mommies and daddies do to make babies” that Phil thinks the sight of couples sleeping in separate beds is romantic and not a sign of extreme dysfunction within relationships or a tool of censorship in decades old sitcoms like Leave It To Beaver.
Gil Thorp: Honestly, I could totally get behind Gerads constantly intruding in Gil’s life by wearing terrible disguises to surprise him like Gene Parmesan from Arrested Development. It’s actually intentionally funny, which is something I didn’t think Gil Thorp was capable of.
Archie: Pretty sure there’s an unseen fourth panel where Archie’s Dad shows just how tired he is by swerving and sending the car careening off a cliff to kill himself and his entire family. Just another wacky, fanciful day for Archie!
Phantom: Sinister Tiger Lady Bar Owner rolls her eyes as young Miss Sahara drops yet another tray of expensive glassware. “Another after-hours spanking! If I didn’t know better, I would say she does that on purpose.”
@TheDiva:
Tracy: “You want I should pick up the trash? You should live so long!”
@Peanut Gallery: Then the Manager goes ‘And Tommy doesn’t even know what day it is! He doesn’t know who Jesus was or praying is!’
LUANN: Yeah give it up to Luann. I thought the depth of my utter contempt for this strip bottomed out years ago. And Yet today’s entry went that extra mile and showed me that there are new lows this could succumb to. I was worried that my loathing of this comic was becoming stagnant and yet here they go and renew the old passion. It’s like a Lockhorns where Leroy makes a passive-aggressive dig at Loretta that actually catches her off guard.
But everything that’s earned my revulsion for Luann is distilled right here in this strip: Ridiculous plot contrivances (that “letter-writing gimmick” over the summer was to “revive intimacy” of course and not a device to artificially prevent them from sharing relevant information in a timely manner), clunky, on-the-nose symbolism (See, Luann is trying to chase “The Dream” right now, while Phil is all about being a “Settler”. Get it? GET IT?), dropped plots they assume the dum-dum audience won’t notice (Hey remember yesterday when someone on here laid out a timeline of events leading up to this camp storyline and one of the bullet points being that Phil living situation was predicated on Luann’s now-discarded possible promotion? If you do, you have a better memory then the characters or the creators!), incompatible people being forced together in a room for “laughs” (Haha, remember how Luann primary motive for moving in with Phil in the first place was precisely so that she can live at the place that has pool parties and ice cream socials? Oops, I forgot we’re supposed to be ignoring that), poor Three’s Company-style communication among couples (all important life-changing decisions involving other people should be done as awkward segues and not, say actually discussing things with people before you commit like an actual human being. But I guess thats’ something you have to do when you self-involved girlfriend won’t shut the fuck up about her nonsencial musings for five minutes so you can talk for once.) and of course sexual dynamics reduced to g-rated “tee-hee innuendo” (By the way, Josh, even when Luann was pushing for the studio apartment, she naively assumed that they’d somehow be sleeping in separate beds because she’s sexless nitwit.)
9CL: In a strip that routinely sexualizes everything, Brooke goes out of his way to NOT show Juliette’s breasts even though they are part of the discussion.
GIL THORP.: (gasp!) That guy in the suit was Gil Thorp all along! I’m so stunned by this shocking reveal!
GIL THORP (2): Panel #1: Proving why the Mr. Karate designs should be left to SNK.
GIL THORP (3): Coach Geralds hates Gil Thorp, but even he’d rather be here than at Mimi’s award presentation. (But even ol’ Gerald knows where the hottest social event in the country is. People Magazine should be by shortly for their cover story, as is often the case when a high school coach gets married in a gym.)
“Gil Thorp Enterprises, Henry speaking.”
“Yes, my name is Clive Watlington, I represent Mr. Mackenzie Crook as his barrister. I believe we have warned you previously about using Mr. Crook’s ‘Simon and Garfunkel’ characters from his BBC television series ‘Detectorists.”
“I don’t understand….”
“Oh come now Henry. They act alike, they look alike, the Gerads hair…this is clearly artistic plagiarism, and Mr. Crook has had enough. They’re not even drawn well! Stop now sir. English justice is swift! Consider yourself warned!”
@MKay:
#15. SHOE: your comment is hilarious! Just today I hear in humans, wrinkles and senior discount are cool.
Sally Forth: Sal, just tell Ted to pretend he’s being beamed up.
Mark Trail: Ha ha! Happy thinks he’s gonna boink Starlina. Wait until he finds out “she’s” an unemployed bricklayer in Sarasota.
GT: 2 things….
1) If somebody loathsome and uninvited crashed my wedding, I would be more than justified in making a scene to remove them bodily. But enough about my mother in law…
2) An open bar in a high school gym, with highschoolers present? Dr. Pearl is obviously on the “take”.
reFOOB: At least Mike is being honest…
@WesC: Brooke doesn’t DO breasts. Or chins.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Um…hel-LO? Did you read my rant? (I can understand if you haven’t. It’s kinda long-winded.) The main point is that the Evans don’t pair people up (romantically or not) because of logic or common sense, silly! They put them together based on which pairing would have create the most contrived drama or tepid comedy stylings because that’s
cliched and ridiculous“entertainment!” TJ is going to stay with Brad and Toni because he’s their live-in “zany next-door neighbor” and “sassy domestic” all rolled in one. In the Luann-verse the “logical” thing that would be to have Phil move in with (rolls dice) Nil, because Nil’s sole characteristic is “being into art” while Phil thinks having hobbies or interest or any type of noticeable trait is totally stupid. It would be a Collision Course with Wackiness, and precisely in-line with Greg and Karen’s sense of outdated-sitcom aesthetics!Luann: Do they really need two whole bedrooms? Luann could just store Phil in a closet whenever he’s not needed. (Or vice versa.)
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: I assume that the reception (as is often the case) is taking place at a different venue, one where alcohol is permitted. I’m guessing somewhere equally classy like the local Elks lodge, or the dive bar where Beth used to work.
But yeah, I’m not sure what Coach Permawave is hoping to accomplish here. The most likely results are he’s politely told to leave and he accomplishes nothing, or he’s not-at-all-politely told to leave and gets humiliated in front of the man who’s been living rent-free in his head for at least the past two years.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Hey kids, now you get to see an example of dispassionate loathing, where the disdain is more apathetic than anything else (very apropos for the lukewarm bowl of of unseasoned gruel that is Rex Morgan M.D.)
Anyway the point here is that everything else that happened this week has been totally pointless and irrelevant (and I’m making a large assumption here that today’s strip will actually factor into the plot and not just more time-wasting bullshit)
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): I do have to giggle at the dog-walker nonsense though. Even though June was out by the bus stop for, like, a minute, Sarah has already finished walking the dogs. I mean I know that “walking the dogs” is basically a polite way of saying “letting the dogs go potty”, but generally people actually walk their dogs when they do that. For the logistics to make sense here, Sarah would have had to “take them for a walk” to the next-door neighbor’s lawn, let them do their business there and then come back home. Now I’m imagining the boys bus ride driving just around the block or something.
@Tabby Lavalamp: Maybe the problem wasn’t internal? It’s entirely possible that Mr. Andrew’s has been exerting himself to the utmost in order to keep various issues from ruining the vacation for his wife and son while concealing said issues from them.
Luann: “The Settlers” sounds as if it could bean apartment complex on the old Oregon Trail. It’s sad, but I guess we all knew Luann would die of dysentery one day.
Gil Thorp: I never thought Gil Thorp would do a “Game of Thrones”-style Red Wedding episode, but it is a good way to get rid of extraneous characters and start over with a smaller cast. Can’t wait to see what happens with Coach Kaz and Marty Moon every day!
Archie: I’d like to believe this strip is taking place in the present. From the expression on Archie’s face, I imagine he just looked up from his phone for the first time in hours and said, “Hey, are we in a state park or something? Why are we leaving?” Then he shrugged his shoulders and went back to texting love emojis to both Betty and Veronica, watching other attractive girls demonstrate new dances on TikTok, and asking ChatGPT how to pirate the latest Spider-Man movie.
Pluggers: Hey, plugger dude — if your 2002 pickup truck has heated seats that still work, you’re lucky and should stop complaining.
@78 BigTed: on Pluggers: Plugger vehicles don’t have heated seats. They’re too poverty-stricken to be able to afford them.
@ectojazzmage: If you look at it from the perspective of the “waiting ’til marriage” crowd, sleeping in separate beds if living in the same place while you’re not hitched makes sense. You’re still saving money on housing and learning if you’re compatible to live together while decreasing the chances of getting carried away in the heat of the moment and doing things prematurely.
@Baja Gaijin: I’m with you — but if Nate Carlson of Grand Forks, North Dakota, wants to think he’s a plugger, I’m not going to fight him about it.
@BigTed: “The Settlers” took its name from a boarding house near the old Donner Pass in east California, and its suites are restricted to the local community of fine young cannibals. The helpful staff will assist Phil in reducing Luann to a tasty assortment of steaks, chops, roasts, and sausages.
@82 Ukulele Ike: Worst.Late.Thread.Cuisine.Ever.
Luann: I’m on the edge of my seat for tomorrow’s strip. Phil definitely wants to bed down with Luann, so he’s already lined up a roommate. Some guy named TJ, who’s tired of all the shower sex at the place he’s living now.
(Extra points if Luann and Phil have separate beds in the same room, as if they’re in a 1950s sitcom.)
@Ukulele Ike: @Baja Gaijin: Luann would be happy to get invited to any party, even the Donners’.
@Jym Dyer:
Tomorrow is Sunday, so we’re probably getting a non-canon
*Characters A and B are sitting in a room, blankly staring at a wall*
Character A : [Insert stupid remark here]
Character B : [Insert barely-veiled insult at Character A’s intelligence here]
A and B can be Luann/Bernice, [Any roommate]/Dez, Les/Gunther, Bwad/Toni and/or TJ.
(there’s a variant where if SHANNON is character A, then the scene is *Character A is destroying everything while Character B stares blankly*)
I appreciate being with you guys, you’re all a lot of fun to be with ^^
Even if sometimes I feel like an uneducated bumpkin compared to many of you speaking up intellectual discussion.
But that’s okay :3
Shoe: Roz, like Frasier’s Roz, may be jinxed in that every elderly person she comes in contact with ends up dying.
Just saying be careful Biz (or not, because I really don’t care if Biz dies)
@ectojazzmage: The best part, being a cartoon character, even if the car did careen off of a cliff, he’ll just wake up in whatever gag tomorrow’s strip requires of him.
He’s forever trapped in a love-triangle, while hypothetically being beaten up by moose, pranked by Reggie or having Jughead mooch off of him.
ARCHIE CAN NEVER DIE…
Luann: “Funny you bring that up,” says Phil. “Bring that up,” see what they did there? Because he’s really talking about his penis. Which she has brought up, with her sexy talk about beds! Gosh, this is subtle stuff!
Late Thread Cuisine: Wow. They couldn’t even be bothered to straighten out the tablecloth. Says a lot about their opinion on the dish.
@The Rambling Otter: I’m reminded of one of the first and best stories in Grant Morrison’s (a huge idol and inspiration of mine as a writer) acclaimed run on Animal Man is a story called “The Coyote Gospel” that’s like a warped cosmic horror parody of Wile E. Coyote and Road-Runner. That issue is about Crafty Coyote, a Looney Tunes-esque character who finds the cartoon world he lives in suffocating and unchanging. He makes a deal with the God of that world to spend time in the “real” world in exchange for bringing true change to his reality of wacky toon antics. He thinks it’ll be easy, but upon arriving he finds that – while he retains his cartoon ability to recover from almost all injury – he now suffers those same injuries realistically and experiences actual pain from them and the healing process (e.g., he gets knocked into a canyon and the narration describes all his bones and organs being horribly crushed as he bounces off rocks and ultimately hits the bottom, than he stitches back together automatically). It’s all played as an incredibly warped take on core idea of the messiah – an un-human being manifesting to experience humanity – that (alongside the other stories in Morrison’s Animal Man) touches on themes of spirituality, the meaning in suffering, our relationship with nature and the divine, animal cruelty, our responses to pain, family, and all sorts of other complex and harrowing subjects.
What I’m saying is that your joke makes Archie Andrews into a Christ figure.
@Baja Gaijin: Diane DiMasa, in her comic zine Hothead Paisan, memorably described alfalfa sprouts as “organic pubic hair.” Just sayin’.
@Ukulele Ike: No “Long Pig”?
Alternative Scene: Phil finally introduces his pal Luann to his mother.
Mom: “What’s the deal with the peg leg?”
Phil: “Mom, a girl this special — you don’t eat all at once.”
@Baja Gaijin: Baja, just am relieved you didn’t take Ike’s suggestion at #82. To prepare myself i searched “cannibal recipes”. A disturbing number of hits
@Ken: To be fair, she probably know more about the business than Terry Beatty does.
@Ukulele Ike: Thanks for the allusion to one of my favourite jokes of all time.
@ectojazzmage: Hmmm… kind of in turn, makes me think of a Comic book series called Astro City.
One arc, a cartoon lion ends up coming out of the cartoon into the real world. But still retains his cartoon invulnerability and is essentially immortal.
It was fun being in the real world at first, made a few “live action” movies of his cartoons but then after a while, realization of his predicament set in, and turned to booze, sex and drugs to fill the void.
(Apparently there are people who are willing to have sex with a literal cartoon lion, but then again being in a superhero reality he’s probably not the weirdest thing in that world)
GT: Considering that a Groucho disguise is by some measure less convincing than a t-shirt that reads “I am Not Coach Gerads”, I don’t think they were really trying to keep him out.
Luann: If Phil and Luann shared a bedroom but still got another roommate, that would move the strip well beyond ribaldry and into deep pathos for the other poor sap.
Shoe: “That’s my Pluggers submission, but I’m still workshopping it.”
@2+2=7: I guess that’s just a limitation of my brain. I need things to make a non-zero amount of sense. Or maybe bear some resemblance to how a human being would actually act in a situation. So predicting the future of Luann is never going to be in my skill set.
@100 Artist formerly known as Ben: on Luann: Worst “Three’s Company” remake ever.
C-Shaft: Imagine what they would have said about a game based on his bus driving.
DtM: Dennis washes up at the Lost & Found bureau of…what exactly? The gentleman in the background looks like he might work in a hotel. I’m not going to say that Alice’s attempt at child abandonment is the least of her sins, but it seems to have plenty of others to keep it company.
Dustin: Since Netflix lost out (probably) in the bid for Warner Brothers, I’m sure they appreciate someone supporting their fast food franchise, even if that someone is Dustdad.
JP: You can tell the network is serious about something when their representative puts her word balloon on a right angle.
MW: Tommy is entertaining job offers from other half-forgotten Peanuts characters. Rumor has it there’s a fast track to management at Shermy’s hardware store.
Phantom: If she can’t get through a night without property damage in her bar, Julie Newmar begins to think it was a bad move getting out of the costumed adventurer game herself.
RMMD: Sara’s the one who got hit by a car however many years ago, but both of them apparently have head injuries that require awkward exposition of facts they both know.
@Baja Gaijin: Imagine!
Luann: Ahh, yes, my favorite board game.
“The Settlers of Can’t!”
@93 richardf8: I can see that.
@96 Activist: That didn’t even remotely ping my radar as a Late Thread Cuisine idea.
Shoe: “Ever done it with a walking corpse like me? How about an actual corpse?”
GT: Gil’s nonchalant because he both anticipated this and hired the former student who battered Gerads for security.
@Lauralot: Ah, but did Gil anticipate Coach Gerads using his talleywhacker as a swizzle stick under the counter? “Howza Old-Fashioned, THORP? Best ya ever had?”
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Oh, let Les be the third roommate! Whenever he sensed pheromones in the air he’d go and jump up and down on his bed, squeaking the springs loudly and completely destroying the mood.
Beetle – “Splunge!”
Blondie – “But I know she’s really just trying to keep me away from your house. Her exact words were ‘creepy and inappropriate.'”
It takes a very determined enemy to violate Groucho Marx’s grave and slice off his face just for a disguise to crash your wedding! Ether he’s very evil or you’re very annoying, Gil!
Dustin: Dustdad is a lazy, gluttonous piece of shit, #38478
@Lauralot: It would be satisfying to see Gerads get a swirly, less so if we find out that Gil was responsible for him getting it.
@114 Artist formerly known as Ben: If he does get a swirly, they should put some floor cleaner in the bowl: his mullet hairdo’ll make a great mop.
@Ukulele Ike: I wonder if Les would see these two as an improvement on Gunther. Talk about desperate times and desperate measures.
@GarrisonSkunk: I would say this is a this is a tribute to Bobby Valentine, but that would require knowing something about sports.
@116 Artist formerly known as Ben: I hadn’t thought of that. Hm. I think he may not like changing roommates. Phil doesn’t seem to be as easy to bully as Gunther “Wormcock” Berger.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Only if The Settlers takes pets. We give Les all kinds of crap around here, but he’s not going anywhere without his cat.
Now that I think about it, Luann would probably leave Puddles behind if it meant she had a chance to get some sweet, sweet Phil.
@Rube: Got the reference
@The Rambling Otter:
I appreciate being with you guys, you’re all a lot of fun to be with ^^
________________________________
Your rambles help get us through our day also.
Phantom: I was hoping to get up a jolly game of “Spank the Nomad’s Daughter” back at post #60, but it looks like no one has stepped in and taken a hand.
Luann: Luann’s real disappointment is not from the possibility that Phil is bringing a third person into the equation but that by not moving to The Dream means no fwee ice cweam!
@GarrisonSkunk: Thank you Garrison for your kind words, my friend :3
It’s late, so if you don’t seem to have seen this tonight, I’ll say it again tomorrow.
Shoe:
When I was in graduate school I regularly took walks through a nearby cemetery, both because it was a convenient route to the university and because it was the nearest green space to my apartment. I didn’t know anyone in the cemetery, though, so I didn’t have the emotional breakdowns that Buzz presumably had every few feet as he spotted another long-dead friend he will never see again.