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Family Circus, 1/27/26

Look, we’re pretty mean to Jeffy on this website, and for obvious reasons: he’s pretty stupid, he’s very annoying, etc. Sometimes, though, we lose sight of the fact that he’s three years old, and those are in fact qualities that most three-year-olds share, so maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on him. On the other hand, he’s extremely smug. Look at that face! What have you got to be so proud of, kid? The finger thing? It doesn’t even make sense. It’s just not something you should feel good about saying. We definitely don’t feel good about hearing it.

Mary Worth, 1/27/26

Oh wow. That “go on” says volumes. This whole parrot business has been an excuse to force Ian into a struggle session about his many shortcomings. Additional parrots will be introduced into the situation until Ian’s mind is completely shattered and Toby can begin the long process of building him back up as someone who’s vaguely bearable to live with.

Blondie, 1/27/26

“I routinely suffer physical abuse that no worker should be forced to bear in a free society! Don’t you read this strip?”

Curtis, 1/27/26

That’s right, Curtis! You’ve killed your beloved! Now you must live with the guilt and shame … forever.

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Wizard of Id, 1/26/26

I guess a running bit in the Wizard of Id now is that the titular wizard is encountering aspects of contemporary life one by one and commenting on them as an outsider, and, look, I’ll allow it if all we get is some mildly corny jokes about emo, but I have to draw the line at “the Wizard sees women wearing much more revealing outfits than he’s used to in his culture and gets horny about it.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/26/26

Oh, man, it’s gonna be Buck, right? June’s going to get Buck, the soap opera comics’ biggest drip, who doesn’t have much going on beyond scouring Etsy for dumb nostalgic bullshit, to “cover” for her in terms of providing Rex with emotional reassurance? This is gonna be great. Rex is going to open his newly healed eyes only to lunge for the nearest scalpel so he can gouge them out and never look Buck’s stupid face again.

Dick Tracy, 1/26/26

Being a one-off ancillary character in Dick Tracy seems like a mixed bag. On the one hand, they get to wear cool outfits and have sexy, drunken adventures! On the other, they tend to stumble upon horribly mangled corpses much more than you or I would.

Hi and Lois, 1/26/26

“Plus Marky Mark is out there drowning somewhere! It’s a win all around!”

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The Phantom, 1/25/26

Hey, remember the Sunday Phantom storyline that started like eight months ago when a city kid visiting her Wambesi country relatives crossed a mysterious and ominous boundary known to local lore? Well, a lot happened after that, and I can’t remember what happened to that kid exactly, but it turns out there’s a weird Time Travel Zone where a World War II-era German plane just kept circling by over and over again and almost crashing before disappearing until our hero flew up there and rescued the American saboteur onboard and delivered him to a modern world that will no doubt baffle and horrify him, where he’s stuck forever. “Good luck, Major Bauer!” the Ghost Who Encounters Time Travel But Doesn’t Really Understand It said, before retiring to the Chronicle Chamber and writing an entry for his successors that says “Time travel, boy, I dunno.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/25/26

Oh, man, oh man, Rex is going to be wheeled out of eye surgery whining about how he’s been inconvenienced and then find out his kid had to have his appendix out, and he’ll know he’s not allowed to want everyone to feel sorry for him but he’s still going to want everyone to feel sorry for him. He won’t complain but I predict we’re going to see levels of Rex Morgan Pissyface scientists previously believed to be impossible.