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Mary Worth, 10/22/26

I guess we all could’ve guessed that if someone was going to ruin this pleasant evening by blurting out something about the vicious rumors that had been going around the condo about Mary and Ian, that someone was going to be a Weston, right? It’s nice to see that father and daughter are coming together here to engage in their shared hobby: being socially inept in ways that make other people feel bad. Also, I just want to say that absolutely nothing they’ve seen here tonight disproves any of the rumors they’ve heard! What, do they think that guys who are cheating on their wives never take said wives to nice dinners and on elaborate and expensive vacations, as compensation in their own mental accounting or, if the wife found out she was being cheated on, as an apology? Do Wilbur and Dawn not know how infidelity works? Well, infidelity is a type of human interpersonal relationship, so the answer is obviously “no.”

Pickles, 10/22/26

It’s great to have a true intimate friend in your old age who you can ask big, searching questions like “What’s your biggest regret in life?” This is the sort of person you know so well so you can be sure that they’re going to answer with some kind of goofy vaudeville bit rather than actually tell you what their biggest regret in life is, which would almost certainly turn out to be a huge downer.

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Pluggers, 10/21/26

Man, I don’t know, this one is pretty grim even for Pluggers. Like, my elementary school was in Buffalo, NY — a place I hold in a great deal of affection, but it’s not what you’d call one of the more prosperous places in America — and the building has been converted into condos. Other people might find the site of their old school now occupied by a strip mall, or a parking lot, or the town dump, something reflecting continued local economic activity of some sort. But where pluggers grew up and went to school? They’re just tearing it all down and leaving nothing behind. Letting the whole area revert to prairie and evacuating the residents. This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/21/26

We’re on day three of Augie lowering Summer’s expectations about what his book getting optioned might mean. Today’s topic: What if, against all odds, they do make a movie or a TV show out of your book, and it sucks? Totally a thing that could happen! I mean, lots of movies and TV shows are pretty bad, when you think about it. And, be honest with yourself: is your book even any good in the first place? Maybe just cash those little checks when they come in and be thankful!

Dick Tracy, 10/21/26

“Well, let’s see, I’m wearing an all-white uniform and an old-timey nurse’s cap, and carrying the patriarch of the house around, so, uh, I’m gonna let you take a second to come to some conclusions for yourself about what exactly my role is, detective.”

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Blondie, 10/20/26

I feel like panel one here is a great illustration of what a gormless dipshit the current iteration of Dagwood Bumstead is. He’s the type of guy who watches an ad for a car dealership, and the narrator of the ad announces that the car dealership hired a surprise pitchman, and he’s so surprised that he yelps out “HUH?” and gesticulates around wildly. I don’t really have a strong opinion about the Santa stuff, it’s legit to be unhappy about that but also legit to not care or even to be kind of excited about Christmas months in advance, I just have contempt for a guy who allows himself to be fully emotionally invested in the narrative arc of a 30-second local ad spot.

Mary Worth, 10/20/26

Looks like all’s well that’s ending well for Toby and Ian! I guess the lesson learned is that if there are rumors flying around about your husband’s infidelity and you’re thinking about confronting him, maybe don’t? Or maybe just wait till you actually get to the restaurant, because there’s a good chance a surprise party is awaiting you there and it’s going to make all these problems go away. Imagine how awkward it would be if you started a big fight in the car on the way over!

Shoe, 10/20/26

“And you’re gonna have those too, now that a critical mass of people have decided to stop vaccinating their kids! Hope you enjoy your computers, I guess.”