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Six Chix, 7/29/26

So purgatory is a place where … angels can have sex? Or the souls of the dead, who may also be angels, in this scenario, can have sex? But then in heaven, they can’t have sex? I know the Catholics have a lot of extra-biblical lore about all this, but I haven’t really kept track of it. Maybe the joke is supposed to be something else, but I dunno, I think we’re all on board with “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” referring to sex stuff, right? Unless purgatory is supposed to be a casino, which honestly makes even less sense.

Gil Thorp, 7/29/26

A thing that always bothered me about the end of Clueless is how many of the high school characters are in attendance at their teachers’ wedding. Seems inappropriate? Anyway, there were a bunch of Gil Thorp prom strips last month that I didn’t really talk about, but now that the teens of Milford have turned Gil’s wedding into Prom (Extended Remix Edition), I need to take a stand: these kids are having too much fun.

Hi and Lois, 7/29/26

Trixie! You have lavished too much affection and attention on the Sun! You have neglected the primordial chthonic deities, and by angering them … have doomed us all.

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Bizarro, 7/28/26

Well, I’m excited to see that Bizarro’s Crash Test Dummies Stories weren’t just for Uncle Lumpy; now we’re fully into week two and things are getting dark. What do you mean you’re comparing your beloved to a brick wall, the very thing you and she are hurled painfully against over and over again day after day, and what do you mean she’s purring in delight at the comparison? Can’t believe they put this in the newspaper where anyone could see it, if anyone read the newspaper.

Gil Thorp, 7/28/26

Speaking of things that are still happening, the wedding of Gil Thorp is still happening in Gil Thorp, and today we learn that Marty Moon has finished his transformation from boring-ass high school sports radio reporter to multi-hyphenate content creator and influencer by becoming a DJ. Sorry if the first dance at your wedding is ruined by the DJ shouting “I’m [reggaeton airhorn] DJ MOON” every 15 seconds, but Marty has a #brand to maintain and/or establish.

Hi and Lois, 7/28/26

I really enjoy the drawing of Lois in panel one here, an asymmetrical close-up that lets you see how her face is assembled out of a series of curves. I also like how unsettled she looks in panel two. Does the suffering of some people bring profit to others? Is that truly the world we’re living in?

Archie, 7/28/26

A fun thing you realize reading Archie comics as an adult is that, despite the fact that their target audience is teenagers, a lot of them are actually about how teenagers are annoying and kind of stupid.

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Mary Worth, 7/27/26

Did you, Wilbur? Did you change? Did you change, Wilbur? Is that what you think? That you changed your behavior and general vibe, somehow? Is that your perception of the situation? That you changed? Interesting. Interesting!

Hello, faithful readers! I am back from my vacation, grateful as ever for Uncle Lumpy for filling in for me and grateful as ever to you for your very kind contributions to the Summer Fundraiser! You’ll all be getting your individualized thank yous soon enough, but first: today’s comics, full as usual with violence and mayhem!

Hagar the Horrible, 7/27/26

I honestly first read this as “their mood stabilizer” and assumed that the joke was that Hagar’s men, bored and antsy after who knows how long at sea, had turned on one another. But no, the joke is that Hagar is filled with deeper violent impulses than any of us imagined, impulses that cannot be controlled even with the best of 10th century pharmaceutical science, and has beaten his men bloody in a terrifying episode that it seems he’s completely forgotten about mere moments later. Quick, Lucky Eddie! Strike now, while he’s calm, and either rescue your fellow crewmen or earn your place in Valhalla!

Pluggers, 7/27/26

When it comes to rain, a plugger knows it’s either too much, which provides a perfect cover for strangling a frog, or not enough, which increases the risk that someone will see you strangling the frog and you’ll get in trouble for it. That’s why pluggers are so effective at frog murder: they time it just right.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/27/26

Wow, that’s really profound, when you think about it that way! So I guess what you’re saying is that just owning things is enough, and I don’t have to ever clean them? Uh, for my family, this helps my family.