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Six Chix, 1/10/26

You ever wonder why bad things happen to you? It’s probably because someone with interests different from yours prayed to God, and He said, “Enh, why not.” Sorry, I don’t make the rules! The omnipotent Creator has actually embedded the rules into the very nature of existence, of which you and I are a tiny part.

Beetle Bailey, 1/10/26

A question I’ve often had reason to contemplate: Is Cookie a soldier, or a civilian Army employee? I don’t think there’s a “right” answer, since the world of Beetle Bailey does not have an immutable reality; probably in the days when the strip launched he would’ve been an enlisted man (my grandfather cooked for hundreds of his fellow soldiers when he was stationed in Los Angeles during World War II) but today he’d work for some Halliburton subsidiary microwaving flash-frozen food for the troops. His status would be a relevant piece of information for today’s strip, as his rank vis-a-vis Sarge would determine who Beetle should obey under the UCMJ, but I think everyone’s facial expression makes clear that this is a story more about personal duty and personal fear than it is about anything so straightforward as the military chain of command.

Pluggers, 1/10/26

Pluggers want a clean sidewalk and frankly they don’t care how many children have to die to make that happen.

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It’s your first comment of the week of the year! The calendar changes but our storied Friday traditions do not:

“It’s the ultra-modern version of ‘The Gift of the Magi.’ The robot she purchased to do her chores was so expensive that she had to sell all her belongings — and there are no chores left to do. So to paraphrase O. Henry, ‘Now it’s party time!’” –BigTed

And here’s your hilarious runners up!

“If one wants to know how Mary is able to so easily rule over Charterstone, just note that the best educated resident there learned problem solving from old Sylvester and Tweety cartoons.” –Where’s Rocky?

“‘Halp’??? Is Ghost Cat’s other power that he can make people talk like ‘I can haz cheezburger’ lolcats? Is he the ‘ghost’ of a Millennial killed circa 2007, no doubt distracted driving his VW New Beetle while watching Homestar Runner on his Zune?” –Schroduck

“I like to think Sunny and Vixen’s immediate bond is based on mutual antipathy for Ian, and the fact that Vixen has apparently just met Ian makes this interpretation even funnier and no less plausible.” –Violet

“‘That’s a new development.’ In Rex Morgan, M.D.? I doubt it.” –Ettorre

“It appears that Lois has cooked each Flagston a different meal. Their favorites, probably. And they still won’t deign to dine with her!” –Ace

“Actually, Marvin mom is practicing for the glorious day she works up the nerve to stick her head in the oven (she kinda has to ‘warm up to it’ first. Ha, ha, get it?)” –2+2=7

“As Hi and Lois are canonically Millennials, and with rising recession fears, I expect the media to brush off the old chestnut of blaming Millennials for Killing The [Dining Room Furniture] Industry.” –Philip

“I love that Rex is giving, um, Nurse the blankest stare he’s ever blanked! ‘No big deal? But this is about me!’” –Victor Von

“‘I could use the extra holiday cheer. This week … or forever!’ I guess the only question left unanswered is whether it’s suicide or murder/suicide.” –Hibbleton

“Such a sweet story! No wonder Mimi suddenly remembered she was attracted to women and left!” –CanuckDownSouth

“People tend to want their wedding officiants to be someone they know or are close to, which leads to any number of lay people getting an online ordination and when it all inevitably goes bonkers, coming to me shell-shocked, saying ‘I never knew weddings were so crazy.’ I’m telling you now, Coach Luke, hold out for presiding at Gil’s funeral! It’s way simpler and hardly ever involves bridesmaids!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The reason why nobody is turning into stone is because nobody looks service workers in the eye.” –Charterstone: Dune

“What is the beef that pluggers have with the tradition of naming especially large storms? Do they have some kind of ideological opposition to anthropomorphizing? If so, it’d be pretty hypocritical.” –ectojazzmage

“It’s comforting to me that NASCAR most likely finds Gertie as annoying as I do. Why haven’t they disappeared her? They’ve got the power.” –MKay

“Huh, I always thought that NASCAR was a whole organization, but I see here today that it’s actually just one old guy. Does he have a last name or is this a ‘Madonna’ situation?” –pugfuggly

“Tried to research how long ago it was when Dennis took to wearing a helmet while skateboarding. Because I definitely remember when he didn’t. I guess it is more menacing that he has decided that staying alive as long as possible is more important than looking cool.” –I was told there would be no permanent record.

“I’m glad that Lou’s efforts to cheer Dagwood up have been totally fruitless. Suffer, Bumstead! May none of your disgusting meals fill the spiritual void you feel!” –matt w

“The fact that Dagwood alone constitutes a ‘lunch rush’ is something that should worry everyone involved.” –Guts Dozier

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Gil Thorp, 1/9/26

Oh, you thought Gil got engaged because he was “in love” or “haunted by the specter of his mortality and eager to recapture a fleeting taste of youth” or whatever? Wrong! Like all great coaches, Gil is intensely competitive, and since his ex-wife is now a rival Valley Conference coach, he’s competing with her at all levels and at all times. Now, a less enlightened man would see getting engaged as a way to defeat his ex because she can no longer have him; but to Gil, getting married while Mimi strings along her current girlfriend would be the sweetest victory of all because it proves he’s better than her at getting married. In your face, Mimi! Who’s extremely divorced now?

Blondie, 1/9/26

Do you think that the Blondie writing staff gets burned out from churning out weird food verbiage like “holiday eating season” and “eating it forward” week after week? Or do they love it, constantly pushing the envelope with off-putting phrases like “one fat patty at a time,” because their relationship with food is profoundly disordered, just like the beloved comic strip character Dagwood Bumstead?

Intelligent Life, 1/9/26

I gotta disagree here; if my choices are seeing the unpleasant nerds of Intelligent Life discuss franchise movie box office numbers or watching them being hunted for sport, I will take the latter choice every day of the week.