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Family Circus, 5/2/26

A thing about one-panel comic strips is that it can be hard to tell what order things are happening in, and a thing about the Family Circus is that I actually don’t have a strong sense of how Big Daddy Keane feels about basic gender stuff. What I’m saying is that I don’t know if his little smile is a reaction to what Dolly is saying, and he’s thinking “Heh, it’s true, we both love our pretty little baubles, I hadn’t thought of that,” or if it’s a glimpse of the last moment of his good mood right before his daughter’s observation ruins the whole rest of his day.

Dennis the Menace, 5/2/26

Most of the time you can pretend that Dennis the Menace more or less takes place in the 1950s, but I do kind of enjoy the dissonance this causes when they jam some reference to modernity in there. Yes, Henry Mitchell lives in a world where making electronic payments via smartphone apps is an everyday occurrence that a child would be well aware of, and yet he’s still wearing a tuxedo to church.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/2/26

Hey, Jamaal, fun fact: if you’re not going to send it, you don’t even have to be online! You could just purge all your negative energy into a Word doc or something. Just saying it would be an extra layer of security, I know from experience that “send” button can be tempting!

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Commenters of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains! And please, delight in the hilarity of this week’s comment of the week!

“Ex-wives, am I right? First they’re not interested in your old junk because they’ve broken all attachments to you and are trying to move on from the emotional disruption of the divorce, but then they are interested in the regular payments you still make to them as compensation for the financial disruption caused by the divorce. This is a funny juxtaposition of two inconsistent positions … ? Because they’re women? Am I … am I right?” –Stuart F

The proletariat should also enjoy this week’s hilarious runners up!

“Ah, yes, Glenwood’s ‘Old Town.’ A couple blocks of boarded-up shops interspersed with a few dank watering holes where down-and-out traveling salesmen can run their scammy side gigs without being bothered by the near-catatonic denizens. Do they sell postcards?” –But What Do I Know?

“I’d like to think that Hollywood Update Live is actually Access Hollywood, the real-life entertainment-news show that was just canceled after 30 years. Maybe someone there thinks this could be the one big story that somehow keeps them on the air. ‘Hey, remember that actress who disappeared? Well, some guy knows where she is and what she’s doing! No, she wasn’t kidnapped. No, it’s not drugs. No, it’s not porn. Well, she’s been living in her house, and now she’s working as a waitress. Oh, and get this — she gained some weight! What, you say no one will care much about any of that? Darn, I guess I shouldn’t have offered this tipster all the money in the fund for our severance pay. I guess I was as bad an intern as everybody kept saying!’” –BigTed

“Grimm and Ralph might be having a pretty disturbing conversation, but don’t judge them too harshly: according to the label on those cans, they are surrounded by innumerable containers of preserved dog flesh, a situation bizarre and morbid enough to drive even the most stable canine to madness. Frankly the fact that they are confining their desire for revenge on the human race to their traditional enemies is a prodigious act of restraint.” –Vulpes

“Charles makes the rookie mistake of thinking today’s meeting with the king was on medieval Zoom.” –Hibbleton

“This king knows damn well Vikings eat their peas off their knife, just like any other working member of a war band. He’s just casting aspersions to cover up his degenerate adoption of that Italian innovation, the fork.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Arriving at Guantanamo at 02:00? Just enough time to watch The Grudge! Obviously The Ring would have been first choice of early 2000s supernatural horror films, but it runs a little longer and you don’t want to get stuck wrapping up the ending while people are already deplaning.” –pugfuggly

“‘Real Love’ being the name of the terrible Partridge Family tribute band Sharon and her hub have forced the children into. Harvey’s tambourine skills get put to the test!” –A Grave Mind

“In the fairy tale, Snow White doesn’t employ the dwarfs — she’s just a peasant girl and they’re just some strangers who let her crash in their cottage in exchange for light domestic work. But in our fallen world, sure, I guess Snow White can be a hard-hearted efficiency-maxxing capitalist in charge of a mining conglomerate. Do you think she employs dwarfs because she’s technically registered as a disability charity for tax reasons, or just because you can force them into smaller holes than other people?” –Schroduck

“He may be ripped off and heartbroken again, but I won’t have to watch it.” –MKay

“When will Lonnie accept his destiny and become a middle school woodshop teacher? He has all the prerequisites: the glasses, the mustache, the haircut, the wardrobe, the posture, the general demeanor, etc.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m guessing the back story is that this guy wanted a shirt like Charlie Brown, but a zigzag stripe was too outlandish for his personality.” –nescio

“If this were the old Dick Tracy, this would absolutely be setting up a scene where Mumbles gets crushed to death in a sea of hugs during a suit parade at Midwest FurFest.” –Anonymous Furry

“Note Lillian’s stiff posture in the first panel. She’s come out from behind her table only to find herself confronted by … a fan? She’s heard of such people, and she’s sure they must exist, since against all logic her publisher keeps paying her to write books. But her deep (and not undeserved) sense of self-loathing forbids her from fully accepting the idea, and she tenses up, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But whew! By the third panel she’s relieved to find that the only threat this woman poses is her weak facility for ‘wordplay.’ This, she can handle. She’s known Ed Crankshaft for DECADES. She’s got this!” –Doctor Moreau (Not a Doctor)

“The narration box tells us that Toby is calling Mary, which we can see happening, to ease us into the final shock of Mary saying that she is already packing her bag when she is not literally doing so.” –matt w

“Look at that anteater smile in the first panel. It knows it’s going to ruin some days by making people think about anteaters in the B.C. universe having their tongues in their noses. B.C. ANTEATERS HAVE NOSE TONGUES!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“In an interesting philosophical twist on comic conventions, Gertie does not have an idea in the first panel, but instead merely thinks about an idea. But does thinking about an idea actually bring that idea into being, and thus she actually has an idea but has not realized the idea is there yet? Much to discuss about the nature of existence in the Old Lady NASCAR strip this week.” –Drew Funk

“Let’s all put Ritz crackers over our eyes and meditate on loneliness.” –76VDubber

“Roz’s facial expression is the highlight every time she appears. Deep loathing with a tinge of resignation. Like she just watched the humans below take their cat into the house, once again denying her the sweet release of seeing Shoe and Cosmo, or today’s emotional-pain devotee, becoming the feline’s chew toy.” –Tonio

“Mr. Freaky is my father! Please, call me Steve!” –Old School Allie Cat

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The Phantom, 5/1/26

Look, I’ll admit it: I’ve taken something of a shine to this sailor in his service whites, who’s mildly bonking the Nomad on his head with a nightstick and has decided that he’s got way too much dignity to say “Ignis Vindicta” aloud so he’s just going to call the dude “Mr. Freaky.” I mean, he’s a guard at Guantanamo Bay, so I’m very much not going to look into his opinions about human rights, but I am enjoying his vibes today.

Andy Capp, 5/1/26

I think it’s very funny that Andy Capp, a guy who’s usually badgering his friends and acquaintances for enough money to buy exactly one beer, has apparently also been doing the same thing at the local bank for who knows how long. I think the fact that he hasn’t been hit with an ASBO banning him from getting closer than 100 meters of the bank entrance says a lot about why the UK isn’t the financial industry behemoth it once was.

Shoe, 5/1/26

When you start in on this one, you think, “Uh oh, are we going to learn about the Shoeniverse’s bird-person BDSM scene?” But then you get to the second panel and realize that this is just a joke that was built backwards from an extremely thin bit of wordplay, which comes as something of a relief. Anyway, this guy only likes being emotionally abused!

Mary Worth, 5/1/26

“Mary Worth thinks loneliness and horniness are the same emotion” feels like it’s the key to unlocking a lot of stuff. Not quite sure of all the implications but I’ll be meditating on it all weekend, that’s for sure!