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Blondie, 4/3/26

I regret to inform you that Dagwood and Blondie’s daughter is dating a guy with broccoli hair now. Also she’s doing “healthy lifestyle blogs,” but you already knew that. The broccoli hair guy thing is new, though. It’s new and it’s not good.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/3/26

“Hah! Good one. I wasn’t in the room when you had your long conversation with Mud covering the topic of your weight and your feelings about it, so I’m not really sure where you are on that and I’m not going to engage any further with that joke. Anyway, do you want to come back to my office and have sex or what?”

The Lockhorns, 4/3/26

Big news, everyone! Loretta is going to kill her husband and herself, with a bomb!

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Luann, 4/2/26

“Oh my gosh,” you’re probably thinking. “Is Luann, the wildly ribald but perversely sexless comic strip about college students, implying that Les and Tara had sex?” No, dummy. She just came over to use and critique Les and Gunther’s bathroom. Remember, young men and women who are attracted to each other do bathroom–adjacent stuff all the time in this comic. It’s what they have instead of sex, I think!

Mary Worth, 4/2/26

“People have limits on which illusions they can accept,” says Toby, steadfastly refusing to turn around and see the pair of parrots eating out of a giant salad bowl on her counter. She needs to believe that this isn’t her life now! That’s the illusion she chooses to accept.

Herb and Jamaal, 4/2/26

Actually, Herb, making a mountain out of a molehill would take a great deal of dirt indeed, as the two are wildly divergent in size. That’s what gives the expression its meaning!

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Family Circus, 4/1/26

Happy April Fool’s day, everybody! As I’ve noted over the last few years, the “trick” the passage of time has played on me is my growing appreciation of the Family Circus’s whole deal, which is that the kids are annoying on purpose, like that’s the whole joke. Look at Ma Keane’s face here! She wants to die, and maybe also to kill!

Crankshaft, 4/1/26

If I’m remembering right, for a long time Lena was a never-seen off-panel character that the other characters at the bus depot would constantly complain about, and then we started seeing her in person and she was always depicted as a perfectly nice woman that everyone is unfathomably cruel to for no reason. Look, in this one she briefly believes they’re being nice to her! That’s the “prank”!

Pluggers, 4/1/26

At least that’s intelligible as a prank, though. Is the prank here … on us? Like we’re supposed to believe that Mr. Whipple sent a letter to Pluggers HQ from beyond the grave encouraging them to do a panel where his successor as Charmin spokesbeing comes into a plugger’s home and takes a huge dump? “Look, pal, you’re in the wrong house,” says the bear-man, in what is becoming less and less what anyone would consider a “prank.” “I don’t get all that excited about toilet paper. I appreciate its utility in keeping my butthole and buttcrack clean of feces, but I’m not really invested in it emotionally.”

Intelligent Life, 4/1/26

Not even going to engage with the prank content on this one. These guys know what movie tickets cost! They see movies in the theater all the time, and talk about box office numbers while they’re there! Instead, I just want to point out that in panel one Skip has responded to “Wow … it’s April Fool’s Day,” with “Woot!”, which is absurd. Nobody’s excited about April Fool’s Day. This is just another example of these losers responding to any cultural reference they recognize with a sort of Pavlovian noise of general approval. It says a lot about society, and it sickens me.