Eternal past, eternal present
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Andy Capp, 8/28/26

Guitar Bob is an Andy Capp ancillary character who may have been around since the strip launched in the ’50s or may have been spawned in the long zombie era of the last several decades, who can say, but I have to admit today’s strip offers a look into his life that kind of intrigues me. Clearly Andy’s constant jibes loom large in his mind, to the point that he couldn’t even enjoy his positive reception at the folk club on its own terms but instead filed it away as something he could throw in his antagonist’s face. And Andy manages to devastate him again with a throwaway quip that barely makes sense! Obviously he didn’t give the audience their money back, but you can tell that whatever feeling of accomplishment he experienced has been undone in a moment. Sad!
Crock, 8/28/26

I used to play a fun (“fun”) game where I would try to guess the date of a Crock rerun based on its ham-handed cultural references, but King Features has taken that away from me by ceasing to bother with replacing the original copyright date. So now I just get to contemplate the window into a lost world that these strips offer. For instance, remember 1998? Remember how, in the days before YouTube, we were all calling one another offering to mail VHS tapes of helpful how-to vids? I mean, I don’t remember this at all, it’s not ringing any bells, but I spent most of 1998 mired in a series of romantic and academic crises so I wasn’t really paying very close attention, I admit.
Judge Parker, 8/28/26

Hey, remember how Judge Parker Emeritus Senior has been kind of losing it, maybe because he has dementia or maybe because he’s a drunk, but it seemed like he was kind of rallying in his attempt to help Ann get a job? Well, Ann is a big-shot TV consultant now, so now he can go back to his first love, being a Judge, or a “judicial hearing officer,” which I assume is kind of like being an assistant judge and is a job you can hold if you’re kind of old and slow, and also spent time in jail. You might think that he’d be happier just hanging around his giant mansion with his granddaughter and newly returned family members, but Judge Parker Emeritus Junior over there has done a number of crimes himself that have ruined his career for good, so apparently someone around here has to start pulling in a paycheck.
Mary Worth, 8/28/26

“Yes, Mary, I should live outside of routine every once in a while! Variety is the spice of life! I’ll have” [thinks for 15 seconds, brain starts to freeze up, panic sets in] “the exact same thing you’re having.”


50 replies to “Eternal past, eternal present”
Family Circlejerk – I’d like to think Bil is telling this joke:
“My wife went into a coma…” one of my favorite Norm Macdonald jokes
I admire Andy Capp for eschewing the tired traditional trope of having the musician be a younger, hip, countercultural archetype, and far more realistically depicting this folk busker as unkempt, balding, and entirely unencumbered by fans.
Mary’s blouse IS a slightly darker shade of purple tonight. Man, these two are just goin’ CRAZY!
Stone Soup: The Cockblocking Era
Alice: Through the Looking-Glass, And What Alice Found There—some random, fairly non-plussed lady, apparently!
Andy Capp: I know England is very much a class-stratified society, but that annoying acoustic guitar guys have to defer to a jobless, penniless (pence-less?), wife-beating, blackout drunk like “Mr. Capp” is too much!
SlyFox: How to draw a monkey…whacked out on goofballs!
Guitar Bob? So THAT’S what happened to the guy from Paearl Jam! You know, that one!
RMMD School is so boring – who wants to *learn* stuff? Like “kidnapping is a felony” – blah, blah, what a downer. Well, now we know the DoubleScam twins’ true purpose in life: making Luann look like a great college student
MW – Didn’t Jeff and/or Mary “try something new” last time they did the restaurant victory lap segment? Something about this feels like they’re trying to refresh Dr Jeff’s character too – “He’s not just a thrall who mindlessly praises Mary over surf n turf! He also does it over *different* meals!”
Andy Capp:
“I’ll sing you a song about Megan and Harry —
The White Cliffs of Dover regard them as scary!”
Shouldn’t Randy be urging Alan to write another shitty book, for the good of the family, and the detriment of all else? It worked for Mitch Albom!
JP: In Texas retired judges are often used as substitute judges to fill in where needed.
MW: A phrase like “I feel like having a variety of things tonight” said to a long time romantic partner and the partner basically saying “me too” is usually accompanied by a wink and a knowing smile. Here it refers to fish, dead, smelly fish.
Mary Worth:
“Let’s split the platter — that’ll make each of our portions half-baked, which is what the two of us are!”
Yes, it sure is good to live outside the routine, especially when you go to [[checks notes]] the only restaurant you ever visit, with the woman you’ve been dating for several decades. “Spice of life”-wise, subtracting the “turf” from your usual order falls somewhere in the area of “jar of cinnamon you’ve had since the Coolidge administration.”
Judge Parker:
“So what are you thinking? We open a law practice together?”
“What? Oh no. The malpractice premiums from associating with you would be way too high!”
MW-“Jeff, we are not putting the beds together.”
Mary Worth:
“You’re not having your usual surf and turf tonight, Jeff?”
“Nah. I think I’ll stick with beer — the slurp and burp!”
Crock Crock’s mom has gotten herself into the worst multilevel marketing scheme ever
“I always take the same thing, but variety is good. Speaking of which, we should open this relationship”
ANDY CAPP: You’d think an artist of Bob’s advanced age and presumably, experience would handle hecklers with more aplomb.
MW: Whatever are these two madcaps going to do next? Eat the main course with their dessert forks?
RMMD: What were they majoring in; Inane, Repetitive Speech and Language?
LUANN: Unless the college is offering, The Animaniacs Re-Enact the American Revolution, Luann isn’t going to make it.
Crock takes place in an alternative timeline where France kept control over Algeria and the Foreign Legion becomes ever more brutal to repress the natives. However this strip doesn’t tell us whether the butterfly effect changed everything and Betamax won over VHS! The suspense is unbearable!
Andy Capp: Guitar Bob can’t be that bad. If he were, those notes in panel one would be drawn all squiggly.
Wary Morth:
“Outside of routine, eh? The answer is still no.”
__________________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“Prison, boring? Have you even watched the Women In Prison movies, grandpa?”
MW: I see the Bum Boat has redecorated and now appears to be a functional bomb shelter. In the event of nuclear war, Santa Royalites will be able to last out the fallout winter, living on baked seafood platters. Truly, the survivors will envy the dead.
AC: I’ve gotta give the creators of the strip some credit. Guitar Bob does look — and dress — like someone who could have been an “alternative rocker” in the 1990s but did not take great care of himself in the ensuing decades.
Crock: What’s with Captain Poulet’s look of world-weary exhaustion in panel one? “Oh, god, is Crock getting another phone call? These are never good. This is probably going to turn into some bullshit that I’ll eventually have to deal with.”
JP: If this strip has two Judge Parkers and neither one is a viable magistrate any longer, I think there is only one solution. Together, the father and son have to press “the button.” The big one. The one that reboots their entire strip from scratch. Maybe they’ll see each other again … someday. If the newspaper industry lasts that long.
MW: Something about this is very ominous. Actually, a lot of things about this are ominous. I will focus on one detail: Jeff’s use of the entirely-too-casual slang term “nah.” What are you, some kind of beatnik? Enjoy your seafood sampler platter, Jack Kerouac.
Mary furiously scribbling a note to herself “Jeff showing signs of escaping containment, must increase dosage”
@CanuckDownSouth: If not the most recent Bum Boat visit, then definitely the one before that. They were both insufferably pleased with themselves for placing different orders, and Mary said they should go swimming after dinner (they did not).
Family Circus: Jeffy Keane deftly captures the moment the soul exits the body.
Crock: Oh hey, I also spent most of 1998 tangled in various romantic and academic crises! Or was that my “sniffing glue” phase? Hard to say, honestly.
Ccrock: I thought Crock was supposed to be a Colonel. In the French military a commandant is an actual commissioned rank equal to a major in our army.
Mary Worth: Outside of routine? Outside of routine?? There is no outside of routine in Mary Worth, Mary and Dr. Jeff of all people should know this. God will surely punish this with a round of scombroid food poisoning.
My Crock headcanon is an alternate history without a war for independence in Algeria, with France still ruling it as a colony. Look for a companion strip set in a 2026 version of French Indochina with jokes about pho.
RMMD: A lot of stories in the fantasy or superhero genre identify the protagonist as a uniquely important figure, someone with unusual powers or perhaps status as heir to the kingdom vel sim. In that setup, there is an established reason why certain villains become fixated on the protagonist and focus their lives around opposing them. That sort of setup doesn’t translate well into other genres, where the protagonists (the Morgans) are not uniquely important and the villains (the scam twins) really ought to have better things to do with their lives. Listen ladies, you’re young and attractive, you apparently have no financial anxieties a lot of free time. If you think school is boring, why don’t you go out dancing and meet some fun people? Look up interesting events in your area? Take a weekend road trip to a place you’ve always wanted to see? Experiment with not wearing identical outfits? I promise it will be more fun than plotting petty revenge against the world’s most boring doctor.
Mary Worth: The Bum Boat’s interior needs more fishing nets and nautical crap to truly capture the vibe of the seafood restaurants I grew up visiting. Compared to its gray concrete exterior, though, it’s a work of art! I’ve heard of “fish camps,” but I didn’t know the “fish gulag” was a thing!
FC: The life-sized sex doll Bil ordered from TEMU isn’t quite what he expected but he’s able to laugh it off.
DtM: Tradition says Wilson’s pants should be down around his ankles. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
RMMD: Prison’s not boring. From what I understand from our popular media it’s going gangbusters! A constant parade of murders by lunch tray, ‘bass taping’ and riots with the occasional explosions and infiltrations by rogue former-but-not-former CIA assassins. Speaking of which…
JP: ‘And your first hearings can be to get April off the hook for all those people she killed rescuing me from somewhere in Somewhere and then me for abandoning our daughter and palming her off on Neddy of all people!’
SF: For those who were wishing we’d seen Ted’s ‘exciting’ fight in the Aldi, here’s your proof it was just an inane hissy fit prompted by 80s nostalgia, as always…
DT: I’m guessing the cutesy USB is the fuse that will ‘splode the tiny C4/Napalm charge in the Laptop. It’s a ‘burner’, geddit? GEDDIT??!?!
Oh crap, no! NO! Jeff, you fool! The only reason Mary is with you is that you’re dull and predictable, a safe haven from those wild free spirits like Ian Cameron and Dawn Weston! Now calm your ass down and order the surf and turf like you’re supposed to!
***
I hate how long it took for me to realize Crock is a “You don’t call me enough, son” joke. To be fair to myself, it’s not a good one and you need to struggle past the whole he’s on the phone thing to get there.
*takes out elaborate keyring*
*unlocks door to underground crypt complex*
*makes his way to the thirteenth floor below ground*
*closes a heavy marble door behind him*
*crouches down*
*whispers*
I thought the joke in Crock was pretty good.
dangit, crossed paths with Tabby immediately above. Maybe I’m just appreciative that there is a joke.
JP: JHOs are former judges who are appointed to handle various judicial duties (which duties will vary from state to state) but rather pointedly, “individuals who have been removed from a judicial position due to legal statutes,” such as, say, committing crimes like, oh, perjury, falsifying documents, and fabricating evidence, to name a few at random, “are not eligible for appointment.” What’s that, you say? Maybe Randy Parker, who technically, was not removed from his position for criming could become a JHO? Not so fast—you actually have to complete your term as a judge to be a JHO. Maybe Nick’s Diner is hiring some dishwashers, is what I’m saying.
JP: Since the strip’s name is “Judge Parker” they need to find a way which a Parker can be a Judge. Unless Abbey gets her law degree or goes around the country to 4-H Festivals as a judge.
Mary Worth:
I never had surf and turf even before I became a vegetarian, so I’ll have to take Wikipedia’s word for it that the combination isn’t really very good and is actually a demonstration of extravagant poor taste. Maybe Dr. Jeff read that Wikipedia article too, and is trying to change his gauche appreciation for it out of a desperate attempt to overcome Mary’s reluctance to take their relationship to the next level. Unfortunately I don’t think it will work, and may actually be counterproductive: the hedonism of combining red meat and seafood is pretty much the only personality he ever demonstrates, and Mary might lose interest in him completely without every date giving her the opportunity to mentally tut at him for his order.
@Charterstone: Dune: I was thinking it was a magistrate judge position, or as we like to call them, non-Article III judges and/or fake judges.
Please don’t tell any mags I said this.
GA: I’ve been mostly bored this week when Realistically-Drawn New Neighbor showed up. Only 8,299,999,999 more real people to go.
MW: “Can I get you a dessert?” “I’ll have the vanilla ice cream, please.” “And for you, sir?” “Steak, medium rare.”
You check out guitar Bob, he knows all the words
Mind, it’s strictly folk, he doesn’t want to make it interesting
Capp says an old guitar is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights and tries to sing
He is a Sultan
A Sultan of Cringe
@Little Guy: Sophie’s newest Special Interest will be obscure legal codes from the colonial era that are still on the books, and she is going to discover judgeships in Cavelton really are hereditary positions and also that “there’s no rule that says a child can’t be a judge,” so Charlotte is going to be the next, cutest l’il Judge Parker!
@A Grave Mind: I’m sorry, I couldn’t be bothered to read the sequel to “rich guy dies comfortably at home of a terminal illness because he could afford to have providers of every stripe come to his house. In Your Face, Proles!”
AC: Andy’s tastes have been imprinted with the music he first heard as a teenager which in his case is Revolver era Beatles. “Take Sitar Sam. Now there’s a musician.”
Crock:
Unusally for Crock, this particular strip actually does a somewhat effective fake-out, in that you expect the punchline to be about how Crock obviously doesn’t need help learning to use a telephone because he’s correctly using one right now. The problem is the actual punchline isn’t funny and doesn’t even make much sense, because after all, it’s still Crock. Let’s not get too crazy here.
Listen Dr. Jeff you can order outside your usual “Surf and Turf”, you can talk about living outside your routine and get the baked seafood sampler. But one part of this routine will never change: you’ll be driving home alone after a chaste kiss from Mary – and you’ll be crying and frustrated – as per usual.