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Hello all! I have this week’s comment of the week for you, but before that … a couple of notes. A few of you inquired about my safety in the current LA wildfires. Fortunately, we are far enough away from the fires that I’m not worried unduly (though we do have go-bags packed); we know people who have evacuated and lost homes but for us personally, the worst thing is the oppressive atmosphere (literal and figurative) from all the smoke.

However! I will note that somewhere very far down on the list of bad things about this disaster is the fact that it has forced me to eat a certain amount of crow. You may recall that I mocked the realism of the August 2020 Funky Winkerbean storyline, claiming that we would never see anything like the scope of disaster as depicted in the strip, which depicted a wildfire that hit both West Hollywood and Malibu; I assumed this would require a continuous wall of flame across 30 miles of the Santa Monica mountains.

But I hadn’t considered another possibility: that we’d have two very wet winters followed by a very dry one, and then we’d get freak 100 mph winds that started apocalyptic fires in multiple places simultaneously.

Anyway! I’m sitting my ass down and learning, mostly because the air is so foul I don’t want to go outside.

Also! Unrelated! But! You may recall that I have a Patreon, which I set up years ago. I initially intended to use it for bonus content of some sort, but I never really came up with what that might be, which means a number of very nice people are simply giving me several dollars a month and getting nothing in return! Subsequently I set up my subscription services, which allow you to get an ad-free version of the site or an email version of each post, which made me feel all the guiltier about letting down my Patreon backers.

Well, anyway, I just recently realized that I could simply … also put every day’s post on my Patreon, available only to my backers there! So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past week and will do in the future: if you follow me on Patreon, an ad-free version of my daily posts will show up in your feed, and (depending on your preferences) will get emailed to you as well. If you already back me on Patreon, you may have noticed this already; if you haven’t, go on over to the site and check it out! And if you’re someone who has been contemplating subscribing to my posts but don’t feel like putting your credit card number into yet another website because that’s what you use Patreon for, well, good news! Go and sign up!

OK! Thanks for indulging me with all that. Now, it is time for your comment … of the week.

“Curtis really missed the opportunity to pivot the strip to be about a newly divorced dad who has to navigate raising two children and a new marriage to a chair that’s dubiously legal at best.” –Jake

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Those are all the Morgans’ friends in 2025. Did some focus testing, and Buck just wasn’t putting up numbers.” –Illoumalnati, on BlueSky

“Not a vegan, but my understanding is that someone who’s been vegan for a while and all at once scarfs a huge chunk of beef is likely going to throw it back up, so I’m disappointed Dawn didn’t do that here mid-makeout. It would have made the date at least a little interesting.” –Thrax

“Holy crap, Jughaid’s a watch hipster. Like any watch snob, he’d spit on a quartz piece despite the more accurate timekeeping. Unlike any other watch snob though, he’s also spit on anything with a wrist strap. Suck it up and get a Casio, kid. You’ll still get to hold your head high in the watch collector community, and many models have an alarm.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Miss Prunelly laughs because she knows how Jughaid feels. She didn’t get what she wanted for Christmas either (a blouse that buttons up in the front for a change).” –TheDiva

“I’m loving that ‘JEFFY’ sweater. Obviously that eponymous melonhead can’t read it (especially upside-down) so I’m guessing that Ma and Pa made him wear it so they don’t mix him up with the dog.” –pugfuggly

“‘But I’m the voice of Milford sports!’ seems less like a plea for his job and more like an explanation. ‘If you had to cover those idiot kids trying to move balls up and down a field every night, you’d drink too!’” –BigTed

“Billy knows that they have all been living in a newspaper comic strip for 23,686 days. Jeffy knows, too. He just doesn’t care. Sometimes they draw him in a shirt with ‘JEFFY’ on it. Sometimes they don’t. Nothing matters. Better not tell Dolly and PJ, though. They aren’t ready.” –Mysterion

“Hungover golf Monday is the first three-day holiday of the year at Foofram industries.” –Hibbleton

“Somehow I’m just noticing that every declarative sentence in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith ends with two exclamation marks. The incorrigible thief Snuffy must have stolen them from Hi and Lois because ‘I brought the rum,’ said as you enter holding out a bottle of rum, is something that should be boomed out cheerfully. Not murmured in a hushed tone as if you’re afraid that Dot will wish you into the cornfield.” –matt w

“You know what? I actually want to express a certain degree of respect to Snuffy Smith in today’s strip. Imagine loving your life SO MUCH that a literal psychic could tell you that all she can see in your future is the same crap you’re already doing — and your genuine, knee-jerk response is to do a fist pump and cheer. Say whatever you want about that awful, filth-encrusted, illiterate criminal, but he’s sincerely living his best life. And that’s horrifying in its own way.” –Craig!

“Now, I’m not just any detective, Sam. I’m a Stylized Exposition Detective. That’s why my tie is hanging loosely from my shirt collar as if to suggest that I’ve been working all day running down tips, even though it’s early in the morning and my tie get-up should therefore be in pristine form!” –Bob Tice

“In most civilized countries, tucking your sleeveless sweater into your pants is grounds for divorce, if not execution by the Fashion Brigade.” –Chaze

“I can’t believe Bil said ‘fr***s’ and ‘kl***s’! It might have been fine in the 1970s, but times have changed! Time to cancel him!” –Ettorre

“It’s the goon’s cauliflower ear that really sells it. ‘He marked me for my sins, forever changing me and saving me from a life of crime. Then he whaled on my ear, just for the fun of it!’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Busty starlet is wearing a patch on her left buttcheek leaking a slow release of cocaine into her bloodstream. Hence the broad smile and why she’s not fallen asleep yet.” –Ukulele Ike

“On the sidewalks of Charterstone, Toby stands transfixed, struck by the realization: Dawn Weston is actually Superman. ‘No, Toby? No,’ says Ian. ‘We’ve talked about this. They’re just glasses.’” –Dan

“Hope isn’t everything, Dustin. You need to feel the lash of the whip.” –Lawyerbob

“The story of this date can serve as the basis of Wilbur’s next ‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive!’ column after he gets back! Is Dawn’s destination for this date somewhere on the other side of Kelrast Curve? But if Dawn can’t see just how good-looking Dirk is, then what’s the point in putting up with his company?” –seismic-2

“It was already evident that Dawn is too submissive in this relationship, no need to literally put her in a dog collar to drive it home.” –Philip

“Welp, that takes care Trixie. Who else’s day can I ruin with a single question? Maybe I’ll amble over to the Thurston house and ask Irma ‘Ugh! How can you be married that drunk loser?!’ That’ll rub her never-changing sham marriage in her face.” –jenna

“The complications that come with dating? Like what? When your significant other doesn’t love ‘Muddy Boots’ quite as much as you do? The boring douchebags of Glenwood have the most conflict-free romances ever seen in fiction. The closest thing this comic has had to relationship problems in years is when Truck sulked for fifteen minutes after spilling coffee in Wanda’s diner.” –jroggs

“I wasted a little time trying to see if I could imagine my mid-twenties son saying ‘Enjoy that empty nester status,’ then realized I couldn’t imagine anybody saying it.” –Rube

“Santa pants, Santa hat but black, sky-blue shirt, corduroy vest, Lime-green and black scarf, [squints] ice skate boots? …is his mom drunk or is the artist drunk?” –astroboy

“Since he’s our tech guy, we make him dress like a nerd. As a joke. He hates it, but who gives a shit, he’s a nerd skeleton.” –ectojazzmage

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Six Chix, 11/24/22

If I know my commentors, if I did a post that was just like “what the fuck is this comic about,” a critical mass of you would say “Josh, the ‘pope’s nose’ is the fleshy bit on the butt of a turkey that the tail-feathers grow out of [Google Image Search; TRIGGER WARNING: photos of fleshy turkey bits], everyone normal knows this and the fact that you don’t proves you’re a coast elitist and/or an idiot.” Nevertheless I feel confident that there is a silent majority of you who will welcome this information, and in fact many of you are grateful for the reassurance that you did not have a stroke while reading this strip.

Gasoline Alley, 11/24/22

I guess we all assumed that Walt would finally, blessedly die as a result of falling off the back of a garbage truck, but I guess in fact he’s going to be murdered by an enormous and very angry turkey who he has unwisely provoked. Whatever works, I say!

Funky Winkerbean, 11/24/22

Oh, OK, it turns out the janitor was sent back in time from the future, presumably to prevent some awful turn of events and keep history on the right path. Considering how much suffering the characters in his orbit have endured, imagine what sort of global cataclysm his actions are holding at bay! Anyway, this is a good explanation of why the Funkyverse timeline has gotten so messed up.

Rhymes With Orange, 11/24/22

So it turns out that turkeys have their own internal system of carceral justice, complete with state-enacted executions, but then all of them can also be killed and eaten by humans at any time, and that’s totally separate from their legal system or moral code. Grim stuff! Enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner, everybody!

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FOLKS … nothing gold can stay, because everything gold will eventually develop cancer, or CTE, or a hearing disability, and that’s why Funky Winkerbean at the end of the year will, in the words of the Daily Cartoonist, “reach completion” (ew?). I guess this explains why Funky is retiring and Summer is writing a book about her dad’s boring old friends. Don’t worry, though: Tom Batuik will still be posting occasional Funky stories on Tom Batuik dot com, and Crankshaft will keep on aggressively malaproping indefinitely, so there’s still hope that we’ll eventually find out whether Cayla divorces Les or not.

Funky Winkerbean has of course been one of my favorite strips to make fun of since the Masky McDeath days, and it goes without saying that I am sad to see it go! Say what you will about all the cancer, but it was its own unique multilayered world and, somewhat bizarrely, had multiple lives as a cultural touchstone. I hope Batuik enjoys (semi) retirement. I just want to point out that I’ve been doing this blog since 2004, and I never taught my spellcheck the word “Winkerbean” and now, sadly, it appears I’m never going to have to. RIP to a real one.

But we must plod on and do what we can in a Funkyless world! Credit goes to Bowsnonk on Twitter for the title of this post, and credit must also go to the comment of the week:

“One thing all the building-up of the Truck Tyler legend didn’t prepare me for was how exquisitely bitchy his between-song patter is.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

And here are this week’s runners up! Very funny!

“Boy it’s true what … [flips over to open google tab] … Indian actor and film producer Mohanlal says: ‘Life is just a collage of events.’ Really. That’s why, every once in a while, it’s ok to have a Sunday strip that doesn’t advance a storyline, provide any new information, or is interesting in any real way. Because chatting with someone in the lobby of your building is just one of those ‘events’ that we gluestick onto the great poster board of life, ok? Just enjoy the collage, folks.” –pugfuggly

“I kind of wonder what’s going on in Sarge’s mind right now. He gives his bipedal, clothes-wearing dog a command, and the dog responds by walking away in silence with a sad, resigned look on his face, only to come back moments later with a bottle of hot sauce and an air of grim determination. Is he horrified at how his cruel order is affecting his loyal companion? Or is he worried that he’ll wake one morning to the smell of hot sauce and hot, drooling breath just inches from his leg?” –TheDiva

“I bet someone hooked Mary up, whether Tommy is still dealing or not. Just look at panel two. No way does a simple shopping trip for a bagful of groceries provide that much dopamine — not in this economy! Have you seen the cost of butter lately, dude?” –made of wince

“[tries for five minutes to express my feeling of queasiness and revulsion at a married couple submitting to Pluggers together] Do pluggers really like pistachio?” –matt w

“With his army routed by the winged hussars of Poland and the campaign to capture Vienna an abject failure, Grand Vizier George Wilson Pasha is punished as befits a high-ranking Ottoman officer, by strangulation with a silk cord. [1683, colorized]” –jroggs

“The best part of Dennis the Menace is how resigned both Wilsons are to Dennis murdering one of them. Mrs. Wilson is at least a little surprised that her husband isn’t even trying to fight back against the child he outweighs by a good 150 pounds.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘How are things going in your life, Iris?’ ‘Amazingly well…’ ‘Excuse me, Iris, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the flowers outside. You’re not the only Iris here, you know. So rude.‘ ‘Things are going great, Mary, thanks for asking. Sunny day, so photosynthesis is underway, and I think a bee might stop by later!’” –Voshkod

“I want to take the opportunity to congratulate Walker & Associates for getting it right and presenting a recognizable — potato? lemon? — foodstuff in the first panel. Way to go, Contract Worker #36! You have earned work until Thanksgiving.” –Bobby Sneakers

“Mr. Dithers seems a bit confused by this protest, as well he should be. Who are these people? Why are they shouting and circling in the middle of his office? How have they managed to corral his dipshit office manager into their antics? No, wait, he’s got that part.” –pastordan

“Hi is microdosing testosterone to make life more bearable. The beard shows that the physical effects are there, but the face shows it did not solve the psychological issues.” -Ettorre

“What is that empty space where they’re picketing? This strip does this all the time; they are post-modernists who have deconstructed the concept of a ‘room.’ Here’s a wall, here’s a floor, here’s some wainscoting, here’s a … doorway(?), all scattered randomly without logical connection.” –Tom T.

“Say what you will about Dorothy, but I for one appreciate how accommodating she is in the midst of tragedy. ‘Get up! I’m going to kick your #&%.‘ ‘Why, certainly, Keri! One mo. Do I face you, or the wall, or what?’” –els

“I suspect what Dorothy is laughing at is some parents’ choice to spell their daughter’s name as ‘Allyson’. That’s much too trendy for Milford.” –seismic-2

“Are they actually selling a Trixie NFT? Because between this and the mug… I dunno, I just think maybe somebody at King Features is overestimating how much people like looking at Trixie.” –Dan

“The audience is so disappointed. They were hoping to hear songs from Mud’s new album, Glutton for Nourishment.” –Inspector Gotcha

“I don’t know the name of the town in this strip, but the citizens have shown they’re pretty progressive by electing a mayor who’s a sex android.” –BeckoningChasm

“Notice that Henry is taking advantage of Dennis’s complaints to slip his food back into the serving dish. Maybe he and Dennis are working in tandem, and maybe Alice’s food really is awful. This whole family is made of menace!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Didn’t Coach Hernandez refer to his kid as the ‘Little Bedwetter’? Maybe this common bond of sons with nocturnal enuresis will unite Gil and Hernandez — enemies on the streets, but plastic beneath the sheets?” –Old School Allie Cat

“Look at these disturbing creatures. They should rename this strip Uncanny Alley.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!