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Pluggers, 9/23/24

An oft-noted source of malaise in American life is a rise of loneliness, as “third spaces” — places where people socialize that aren’t home or work — decline, and more and more people spend all their time with immediate family, coworkers — or, as they age, themselves. My new crackpot theory is that this explains why individual Plugger entries have gotten increasingly weird and idiosyncratic over the years that I’ve read the strip. They used to be the sort of corny and relatable content that emerged from consensus as you and your buddies griped or joked about life’s little foibles at the bar or on the job site. But now? Now that you took your pension and your wife has died and the VFW hall has closed, now that mostly you just sit on the couch with the TV turned on way too loud, so you can hear it and also can’t really think, which is maybe the whole point? Well, now who knows what your old pals who you exchange occasional texts with do. Do they mute the TV before they reply to your text? Probably, right? You do it, so it stands to reason that they do too. Maybe that’s why they haven’t replied to your text yet. Maybe they’re just waiting for their show to end so they can focus some attention on it. That’s probably it.

Gasoline Alley, 9/23/24

In addition to being obviously annoying, Rufus and Joel are also uncanny, in the sense that they alone among the cast stay the same age even as everyone ages around them. Are they truly human at all, or are they strange visitors from the fae realms? Well, today’s strip at least establishes that Rufus was in fact pushed down a human birth canal, which may be more information than any of us ever wanted, but now we have it.

Shoe, 9/23/24

I love the fact that the Perfesser’s eyes are closed here. He’s not just daydreaming about these culinary delights: he appears to be deep in the act of prayer, as if he’s trying to manifest them. This probably hurts Roz’s feelings, as she runs the restaurant where he’s currently sitting and from which he could presumably simply order them.

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Hello everyone! I am back from my vacation! Did you miss me? Did you realize you liked Uncle Lumpy better? Did you not even notice any changes? Feel free to only answer those questions in ways that won’t hurt my feelings. Anyway, I do want to thank Uncle Lumpy for his fabulous fill-in duties, and thank everyone who donated to the annual fundraiser (said donors will be getting individual thanks from me, this week!).

Mary Worth, 9/22/24

I also want to give thanks to the usually cold and unfeeling universe and/or the vagaries of the King Features editorial calendar. It seems strangely common that truly wild Mary Worth action, like the legendary Operation H-Town warehouse shootout, happens when I’m on vacation. But this year, I’ve gotten home just in time for the truly incredible panel in which Estelle decides to murder her fiance, and probably a bunch of sick animals too. Can’t wait!!!!

The Phantom, 9/22/24

An extremely long-simmering plot in The Phantom is that at one point the Phantom had amnesia, and ended up enlisting under the name “John X” as a patrolman in the Jungle Patrol, the paramilitary unit he ordinarily leads from the shadows as the perpetually unseen “Unknown Commander”. Before too long he regained his memory and had to juggle both roles, which was increasingly more trouble than it was worth, as fun as it was to intermittently show up as John X and make all the patrolwomen extremely horny. So our hero has finally decided to wrap up his double life by having the Unknown Commander order John X off on what’s widely understood as a suicide mission. This has the added benefit of modeling for the patrolpersons he commands the idea that they’re expected to nobly sacrifice themselves for unclear ends at any time, which could make his life a lot more convenient even ignoring the whole thing where he has one less identity to juggle now.

Beetle Bailey, 9/22/24

The throwaway panels assure us that Beetle is aware that he is a member of the U.S. Armed Forces, but it’s fascinating that in subsequent panels he contemplates various increasingly fantastical transportation modes only in terms of the convenience they would offer him, and not the incredible tactical advantage they would grant his platoon in combat. I guess there’s a reason he’s never been promoted: he simply doesn’t have the mind for military leadership.

Mark Trail, 9/22/24

WOW, Mark Trail, you had an opportunity to depict a GRAPHIC vulture vomit scene in the Sunday full-color comics and you chickened out? For shame, for shame!

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FOLKS!!!! It is time for me, your faithful blogger, to take one of my occasional vacations from the comics and from this site, so you know what that means: your faithful guest blogger Uncle Lumpy will be guest blogging, starting tomorrow! And because only I have the authority to choose a best commenter from among you, I choose one today, whose COTW will stand the test of time until I return on September 22nd:

“I know people have been talking about how ‘disgusting’ and ‘disturbing’ the recent Six Chix is, but a bird with no pants on beaming at a possible cure for incontinence is what gives me the heebie-jeebies. (‘Roz won’t have to burn the seats I sit on anymore. Score!’)” –2+2=7

The runners up are also hilarious and worth your time!

“Wait a minute, narration box, you’re not supposed to use that about someone’s ex! ‘Ed is happily remembering the sex he had with Sheila, while lubriciously anticipating the sex he’s going to have with Estelle.’ That is … kind of a healthy attitude, maybe, but it’s not healthy to acknowledge it?” –matt w

“‘When do I get some rest?’ Mmm, I guess the other 16 hours Beetle is not sleeping on you! The bed is lazier than Beetle!” –Ettorre

“Estelle is a bit concerned. She’d been assuming Stylish Retired Schoolteacher was Ed’s type, but is he actually more into the Artsy Congresswoman aesthetic? Or has he put that behind him, one hopes?” –Violet

“Today’s Alice is very irresponsible. You can’t just ask newspaper readers to take the massive doses of psychoactive drugs needed to write Alice.” –Schroduck

“There’s a wonderful old hymn that I want played nice and loud at my funeral: ‘For all the saints, who from their labors rest…’ That ain’t a dream bubble and Alice ain’t organizing anyone, is what I’m getting at.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Sophie is smiling because she thinks the strip was cancelled and she can finally be free. But, like Sisyphus, her torment is repetitive and never-ending. Fall may have come to Judge Parker but the sweet winter of final release never will.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Only local and national news outlets? What’s the matter, AFP and Al Jazeera? Is high school football in some random American small town too real for your weak-hearted audience?” –jroggs

“She’s talking to me, isn’t she? Can she see me? I’m not dressed. Stop looking at me!” –Pozzo

“Everyone complained so much about Judge Parker plots being impossible to follow that they’ve resorted to explicitly stating when the current storyline is over. Now if they really want to be kind to their frazzled and confused readers, they’ll do like Gasoline Alley and let us have a nice little nap before the next story begins!” –Peanut Gallery

“Ha ha, imagine you had a roommate with dandruff so terrible that you were literally choking on it, and you couldn’t leave the small space you share together, and neither could he, and there was really nothing either of you could do about it and … guys, I don’t know if we should be keeping fish as pets.” –pugfuggly

“I do kinda appreciate Beetle Bailey stickin’ it to their demographic. Get with the times, gramps! I kid. They’re definitely on Facebook getting radicalized.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Now: ‘Look, please calm down, the police are on the scene and the FBI is on the way. We will find out what happened to this entire classroom of children but, if we had to bet, it’s Dennis’ fault.’

Before: ‘I don’t know, Dennis, but I know how we can find out! Let’s all get on the Magic School Bus and go to Lindisfarne in 793!’ Credit sequence, musical interlude, then screaming, burning, and finally silence broken only by the crash of the waves and the mournful call of the gull.” –Voshkod

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