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Gasoline Alley, 9/18/15

Good news, everyone! Gasoline Alley’s beloved Mildly Rude Salesman Character, an homage/straight-up barely mediated depiction of Frank Nelson’s character from the Jack Benny show, is back! He’s appeared in the strip a couple times before, and this callback to a character who was most popular in the 1950s and who hasn’t appeared on TV in nearly 35 years hasn’t taken off like you’d think it would, but you know what they say: third time’s a charm! Just keep having the guy show up over and over again in your comic despite nobody knowing exactly what his deal is, despite the fact that most of your audience won’t recognize him at all and a small percentage will just say “I feel like I’ve seen this guy” but not bother to research it further! I mean, why not? Who’s to stop you?

Judge Parker, 9/18/15

Having already imparted the valuable lessons of her experience to Sophie, Abbey is now schooling Neddy: use your wealth and beauty to convince as many boys as possible to make out with you! Don’t get married young! Husbands are smug, sexless black holes from which no joy can escape! Have you seen Sam?

Gil Thorp, 9/18/15

Gil Thorp continues to prove that it has its finger on the pulse of the modern teen by introducing characters named Dory Darwin and Breck Darwin, which are exactly the sort of dumb names that modern teens have been cursed with. I sincerely hope that whatever B plot these guys get saddled with ends with them dropping out of school to become Vine stars.

Mark Trail, 9/18/15

This storyline’s bad guys just unleashed their sinister plan: distracting Mississippi Ken from his important screen-looking-at duties with their sweet, sweet yacht.

Apartment 3-G, 9/18/15

“Sorry it took me so long to get here! I was busy growing my hair out.”

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Apartment 3-G, 9/17/15

Apartment 3-G may be in its advanced decline at this point, but at least it can still occasionally indulge in one of my favorite Apartment 3-G pursuits: shitting on Tommie. “Margo needs a doctor but she refuses to see one.” “I’ll call Tommie! She’s a friend who Margo feels comfortable with, but she’s also a skilled medical professional in her own right. Plus she lives right here!” “GOD DAMN IT LU ANN WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON THESE POINTLESS SUGGESTIONS OF YOURS, I’LL CALL TOMMIE IF I WANT SOMEONE TO SIGH AND MOPE AT MARGO BUT RIGHT NOW WE NEED A REAL DOCTOR”

Six Chix, 9/17/15

I admit to being a little puzzled as to what’s going on here. Is this supposed to be a metaphor showing that we shun pariahs, an indictment of our society that is as searing as it is circular, since literally the definition of a pariah is someone you shun? Or is this supposed to depict the the sport our so-called intellectuals have at their fancy cocktail parties, reaffirming my longstanding policy of not ever leaving the house?

Mary Worth, 9/17/15

Poor Ian has just been leaving unacknowledged and escalatingly pathetic voicemails for Toby all week, apparently, and this is it looks like things have gotten pretty desperate. “Toby! Think of the haters! You don’t want to give any satisfaction to the haters, do you? Do you?”

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Apartment 3-G, 9/16/15

Hey, remember when Eric and Margo met? That was when she invited herself to a party Lu Ann and Tommie were going to and then waggled her business card in his face. Later, she seduced him by wearing an extremely sexy hat. But now … now he’s worried. Just because she doesn’t know where she is or what’s happening or how money works! I mean, you spent years in Tibet, Eric, a country that very much definitely has telephone service, without bothering to tell anyone you were alive, so don’t get so high and mighty, mister.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/16/15

Awww, it seems like Hugh really is going to be the villain of this story after all. Remember, his last allies, the Chinese, tried to blow him up, so I can’t wait to see what the Indians do to him.

Gil Thorp, 9/16/15

YES YES YES MARTY MOON’S GOING TO BE USED AND HAVE HIS EMOTIONS TOYED WITH AND HIS HEART BROKEN YESSSSSS