Spider-Man, 3/21/15
“Oh no! One of my major super-powers can be easily defeated by … a sharp thing! Probably should’ve seen this coming?”
Apartment 3-G, 3/21/15
“And by ‘practically,’ I mean literally. He runs this place! He’s the manager of the hotel! ‘Run the hotel’ is his job description!”
Dennis the Menace, 3/21/15
“I’m talking about Jesus, of course. He’s boring as shit! I just think about those damn beatitudes for a minute and it’s light’s out!”
Mary Worth, 3/17/15
NEW STORYLINE IN MARY WORTH, EVERYBODY! Haha, look at how Mary is prying into this new Charterstone tenant’s life before he’s even gotten his meager possessions off his handcart. “Most people need a moving van or at least a U-Haul!” she says. “Why don’t you? Are you poor? On the run from the law? Have your references been adequately vetted? Will your rent checks clear? Should I call the sheriff and have your boxes dumped out onto the curb now, to save time?” Anyway, I look forward to Adam cracking under the pressure and spilling his guts about his emotional baggage over the next six to eight weeks. What can he never let go of? Dead wife? Estranged son? Or maybe it’s a real physical object, like a cursed goblet or something. That’d be pretty sweet.
Heathcliff, 3/17/15
Wow, nice job, Heathcliff: on St. Patrick’s day, you’re wearing a blue bowler cap, the dominant color on the flag of Ireland’s British oppressors, and deliberately mocking the beloved cabbage component of corned beef and cabbage by replacing it with literal, actual garbage. I never thought I’d see such blatant anti-Hibernianism in the daily newspaper.
Apartment 3-G, 3/17/15
Oh my, Lu Ann has removed her pink blazer so that she’s now clad only in her turtleneck! Is she trying to seduce Martin? She’s only got six more layers left to go!
Apartment 3-G, 3/16/15
This week’s Apartment 3-G is slightly more firmly grounded in reality than last week’s James Bond-ian insanity. I mean, a modern young woman in New York getting into making strawberry jam in her apartment? Sure! Lots of younger people are reclaiming the labor-intensive food prep processes of their grandparents’ era as a hobby! A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel? Uh, sure, that could happen, I guess? I seem to remember during the Martin vs. Bobbie storyline that Bobbie was weirdly convinced that Martin was into Lu Ann, I think because they were hanging around with each other socially for some reason. A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel while wearing a pink suit jacket over a white turtleneck? Look, I … I can’t explain everything, OK?
Family Circus, 3/16/15
Man, Mommy sure seems depressed about how excited Dolly is. “Mommy, everything in these diaries up until this has been straight-up garbage! When will I meet the man who will give my life meaning?”
B.C., 3/16/15
Ha ha, that would be a derogatory thing to call a women’s restroom! Say, what are the female characters in this strip named, again?