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Gil Thorp, 7/9/07

Unlike most of you naysayers, I unabashedly love Gil Thorp, and I particularly love Gil Thorp’s summer storylines. As regular readers know, while the strip is pretty demented plotwise at all times, during the school year it at least is obligated to stay within the stately rhythms of high school athletics: football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and baseball and softball in the spring. In the summer, though, without the structure of the traditional American team sports, anything can happen to the denizens of Milford. Here are some past summer storylines:

• Von worked as a late night DJ, had a weird on-air romance with a 30-year-old, and saved her from a stalker.
• A gymnastics team full of elementary school girls descended into racial hatred and fisticuffs.
• Marty Moon lost thousands of dollars in ill-advised golf bets to a Ben Franklin lookalike grifter, and ended up passed out drunk in his car.

And that’s just off the top of my head! You can understand why I’m very excited to see where the next few months will take us. As we begin, Coach Thorp and Assistant Coach Kaz are celebrating the fact that they don’t have to be around teenagers anymore by getting ripped at the local PUB. Hopefully once they get drunk enough, Gil will work up the nerve to finally ask Kaz why in God’s name he wears pearl earrings.

Crankshaft, 7/9/07

I was a little disappointed when I saw that the ’Shaft was reading Readers Digest; I had thought he’d get his versifying from Adirondack Review or maybe the Inkwell Journal. Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve had piles of Readers Digests in the bathroom I frequent, but in my memory that publication focuses less on poetry and more on funny but true-to-life anecdotes from the workplace and common-sense features on the liberal lies that are destroying America. But I do really like the look of languid blankness on our hero’s face in the second panel. He captures the ennui of the modern cultural consumer, always looking for the entertainment that requires the absolute minimum of psychic energy, but vaguely aware of his dissatisfaction when he’s done.

Apartment 3-G, 7/9/07

Cousin, eh? You ever notice that all of Lu Ann’s relatives, like Ruby and Blaze and Mim, are vaguely-defined cousins and nieces? My theory is that her home is actually a sprawling polygamist compound in Wyoming foothills of the Rockies, where, after two or three generations of isolation, everyone is related to everyone else by marriage or blood in one way or another. It would explain the squishiness of the family ties, and the stupidity.

I love the imperious command in panel one. Margo’s victories over her enemies have no meaning if there is nobody present to witness them. The combat must be memorialized in the form of epic verse for the generations yet unborn.

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Apartment 3-G, 7/7/07

Spider-Man? For all his web-slinging and super-strength and relative [fill in the blank] of a spider, we know him to be a self-absorbed, useless mope. The Phantom? A guy who openly admits that his main “power” is messing with his opponents’ heads. No, today we learn that Ruby Wright has the most incredible superpower in the funny pages: the power to shut Margo up. Admittedly each panel is just a frozen instant in time, but that vision of Margo, her mouth a perfect O of surprise, stunned into silence, is one that no ordinary human could bring about. Still, no matter how powerful Ruby is, Margo will counterattack; the Professor, who a moment ago was eager to get back to his own apartment to continue servicing Gina, now looks eager to stick around and watch the fireworks.

(By the way, Lu Ann’s maiden name is “Wright”; “Powers” is the name of her husband, a fighter pilot who was shot down over Vietnam, which incident has presumably been retconned to Grenada Libya Iraq Somalia Kosovo Afghanistan Iraq stay tuned!)

Gil Thorp, 7/7/07

The first panel of today’s Gil Thorp, in which the Milford baseball team lets loose a mighty, fist-pumping cheer in salute to willful ignorance, may be one of the most simultaneously sad and delightful things this strip has ever presented — and it’s presented a long list of simultaneously sad and delightful things.

Now that we know that Otha earned the “Clambake” nickname during his Navy days, I really, really don’t want to know the origin story. Really.

Mark Trail, 7/7/07

There’s been plenty of wacky animal action in Mark Trail this week, including yesterday’s memorable talking moose, but none pegged my disturb-o-meter like today’s strip. The idly munching cow seems innocuous enough, despite the fact that its horns are the exact same color of milky brown as the rest of its coat. But then you see Sam’s suddenly enormously dilated pupils in the next panel. Her eyes have the exact same numb, soulless look as the brutish bovine’s. And then you realize that something very, very bad happened on that plane.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/7/07

I’m going to ignore the subtext here and just focus on the flat-out ludicrous text. Look at Rex in panel three, with his fist clenched and and that look of steely determination in his eyes. “As God as my witness, Niki, we will! If it’s the last thing we do!” They’re going to hang out by a river and catch a damn fish or maybe not, not climb Everest or cure cancer. There’s no point in being … so … oh, hell, who am I kidding. TROUSER TROUT TROUSER TROUT TROUSER TROUT TROUSER TROUT TROUSER TROUT

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Beetle Bailey, 7/6/07

Sarge is completely unimpressed by this rampant display of heterosexuality, showing no more interest in the mating ritual between Killer and Random Brunette Nurse than the average person might in baboons showing each other their big red asses on the Discovery Channel.

Pearls Before Swine, 7/6/07

But if you do want to get Sarge interested, you mess with his territory. Zero’s trip home is quickly going to turn into a trip straight into the middle of Anbar Province.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/6/07

Help each other Commitment You ready for that? I don’t know much about this stuff JESUS GOD THIS DEFIES PARODY

Apartment 3-G, 7/6/07

Damn it, I was really on a roll there. Hmm, let’s see … if the Apartment 3-G girls were actual young women living in Manhattan, they’d almost certainly have some gay male friends, whose encounters with Ruby would be good for some larfs. “Ah do declare, Jason and Cory are just as thick as thieves! And so handsome! Ah can’t believe none of you young ladies have made a play for one of those boys!”

Anyway, I mainly wanted to comment on this strip because, as several of you pointed out, it provides further evidence that this woman is a relative of Lu Ann, as she apparently doesn’t know how to read.