Archive: Apartment 3-G

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Apartment 3-G, 11/12/15

Welp, looks like now that ol’ Greg is riding into town with his James Bond money, Eric realizes he can’t compete in terms of providing Margo with all she ever wanted, and so he’s out. He and Greg aren’t even going to talk to each other! Because if there’s one thing we all wanted as this storied strip rides into the sunset, it’s a complete lack of conflict of any kind.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/12/15

If you need more evidence of how desperately poor Hootin’ Holler is, check out today’s strip, in which the community’s chief law enforcement officer can be bribed for a mere $5.

Hi and Lois, 11/12/15

“Don’t be ridiculous! Now you just lie immobilized in bed and look at these huge blank posters I’ve hung around your room until your mind goes empty.”

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Mary Worth and The Phantom, 11/4/15

Welp, here it is, as foretold in prophecy: the Mary WorthPhantom crossover that none of us knew we wanted until we realized that we had it. Perhaps little psychic Olive will turn out to be the key in some great Phantom-style adventure, or perhaps Olive, like Shelly before her, will serve as the ostensible reason Mary went to New York but will be quickly discarded when someone more interesting comes along, in this case the cheerful, non-street-smart daughter of an immortal jungle superhero. At the moment, I’m intrigued by the fact that we’re seeing the same moment in the story, but with slightly different dialogue. Is this to emphasize, Rashomon-style, that an objective recounting of past events is impossible? In this case, what appears to be a straightforward narrative is actually a pair of later recollections: Heloise’s story is being read in the Skull Cave Chronicle Chamber by some descendant of the family in the unknowably distant future; Mary’s version is being recounted poolside at Charterstone over salmon squares to Toby, who’s been Xanax’d into sullen compliance.

Mark Trail, 11/4/15

Speaking of action-packed soap opera adventure, this current Mark Trail storyline doesn’t need to cross over with another strip to reach multiple audiences! Today, for fans of people wildly spraying automatic gunfire, we’ve got the guy wildly spraying automatic gunfire in panel one; and for fans of shapely asses, thighs, and calves, we’ve got Mark’s shapely ass, thighs, and calves in panel three.

Apartment 3-G, 11/4/15

“Gabby! This man nurtured his love for Margo during his years of recovery in a Tibetan nunnery, journeyed to New York to save her from danger that he had detected with his Buddhist mind powers, and has hovered by her bedside nonstop during her coma! Obviously his romantic interest in her is very tenuous, and any potential nagging from his beloved’s parents could push him away. For God’s sake, never ask him any follow-up questions about anything ever!”

Judge Parker, 11/4/15

Oh, hey, remember how Sophie wanted to go to military school and learn to kill, because the boy she liked was probably going to fool around with another girl at a party? Well, good news: that other girl didn’t even go to the party because she got in trouble for drugs, so Sophie’s going to stay in public school for now, explore her burgeoning teenage sexuality with a willing and now unencumbered partner, and figure out some other way to ruin the world while aggrandizing her own power at later date (probably the finance industry).

Funky Winkerbean, 11/4/15

Haha, true story: for a significant period of time after I read this strip, I thought Cory had sold the comic book collection his mother had lovingly assembled as a way to feel close to him because he needed to … buy a ring to propose to his mom? But no, I guess that’s to propose to his girlfriend or whatever, which everyone will think is perfectly OK. Remember, kids, throwing money at the wedding-industrial complex and the notoriously evil diamond industry is virtuous! Thank goodness he didn’t spend the money on a car or a house or something practical that he and Rocky might be able to use for years to come.

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Mark Trail, 10/29/15

As these bad-ass criminals switch their combat-grade amphibious ATVs from sea to land mode, comics-reading children across America are getting an important lesson: just because you’re a part of a violent, sinister gang trying to recover stolen radioactive material doesn’t mean you should skimp on nautical safety! Check out those properly fitted life jackets, kids! Be like these guys, in certain specific ways!

Apartment 3-G, 10/29/15

Oh, snap, are we going to be entering Margo’s dreamscape? At last, an excuse to be in a featureless void! And if you need a spirit guide in your featureless void, why not choose your hallucination of Tommie, the most featureless and empty of A3G characters?

Mary Worth, 10/29/15

Sorry, Bobby and Gina! I know you love Mary so much you invited her to New York for your surprise wedding! Sorry, Shelly! I know you’re so close to Mary that she was your sole guest when you received your major award! Sorry, handsome Broadway legend Ken Kensington! I know your heart was bewitched by Mary’s charms! Sorry to all, but it seems that Mary will be spending her time in New York with a psychic eight-year-old and not any of you.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/29/15

The grim looks on everyone’s faces really sell this punny banter, if by “really sell” you mean “make abundantly clear that everyone involved is the victim of a cruel God and is being forced as some kind of awful punishment to say”.