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Mark Trail, 11/18/11

“We’re going to follow this Watergate business as far as it goes, even if it means putting a bucket-harness on a semi-tame bear in hopes that he’ll lead us to a hidden gold mine” is something I assume Woodward said to Bernstein at least once.

Archie, 11/18/11

Many of us are too young to remember what an culture-shaking sensation Trump: The Art of the Deal was when it was published in 1987; fortunately, this Archie comic from the 1990s gives a little taste of the awe and reverence in which that tome was held, by showing us how shocking it would be for a mere lunch lady to publish her own version.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/18/11

Hagar’s dog has been out until 3 a.m. having sex, hopefully with other dogs.

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Apartment 3-G, 10/8/11

Wow, Margo’s standards of work would shame a junkie — her grand reopening for the Mills Gallery boiled down to cadging a favor from an ex-client and putting up a sign. And while her “Art without Rules” gimmick must have seemed clever at first — no standards, can’t fail, right? — now Queen Bee’s anarchists are tagging up the joint, trashing all the work Trey conned out of his partners, and returning the Mills to its roots as a crack house.

But just like last year’s Great Hypothetical Piano Delivery, we don’t actually get to see any of the alleged “Art without Rules” — just a couple of mopes talking about it. “Tell, don’t show” — it’s like a rule or something.

Archie, 10/8/11

Wow, Fred’s getting more enjoyment from that newspaper than anybody has for 40 years. You can bet he’s not reading Archie.

Judge Parker, 10/8/11

Wow, check out CIApril Bower in panel 3 there. Seems like only yesterday she was Randy’s timid, dumpy secretary, fending off his ham-handed advances over chewy takeout sushi. Now a willowy oenophile and multilingual Lady of Mystery, she jets to global hotspots under World Bank cover from her stylish country home. Here, standing amidst the obscene symbols of the Spencer-Drivers’ good fortune, she recalls the moment it all changed for her, too. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Touched by a Parker!

The Phantom, 10/8/11

So yeah wow, El Guerrero Latino, the good lucha libre wrestler who beat nasty cheatin’ ol’ El Bucanero Infernal is in fact Police Chief Ernesto Salinas, who mysteriously bailed on Kit right before the match. This will come as a revelation to absolutely no one but the Chief’s son Emiliano, Ciudad Jardin’s slower version of Rusty Trail.

There’s a lot of pumped-up mystery about how very much depended on the match, and an uncommon amount of attention paid to Ernesto’s training partner Victor Batalla and his son Vincente, so watch for some hero-on-the-inside father-and-son stuff down the road. But for now, what if Chief Salinas has been gaming the Ghost Who Walks all along, and this is the payoff: “OK, ‘Walker’, now that you know my secret identity, how about telling me yours? It’s the way we do things here in México, my friend. You know — like men!”

Hey everybody, I’m sitting in this week while Josh takes a vacation. Contact me about site trouble, spam, comment issues, etc. at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Thanks!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Family Circus, 10/1/11

I like the looks of stunned incomprehension on the kids’ faces in this cartoon. “Is she … is she trying to make some kind of football reference? Like, we’re going to snap the ball and … eat … lunch? That doesn’t really work the way she thinks it does.” Add in the fact that the kids aren’t even in mid-play — Billy’s already taking off his helmet, PJ looks like he was less “playing football” and more just “rolling around in mud,” and Dolly is standing by demurely with her hands crossed, as any proper young lady should in the presence of roughhousing — and we can see this as the first of no doubt many doomed, tin-eared attempts by Ma Keane to be a “cool mom.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/1/11

Ha ha, what a great encapsulation of all that’s insane and wonderful about the current Lu Ann romance storyline. Paul’s parents worry that it won’t work out between Lu Ann and their son because they’re opposites — you know, a dumb blond who lives in a densely populated city on the west side of the Hudson and a dumb blonde who lives in a densely populated city on the east side of the Hudson. Oh, and also Paul is very close to his parents, while Lu Ann hates hers, which is all the opposite these two need, because the #1 thing to know about someone is whether or not they hate their parents. Then we segue into some hottt Linksi sex talk, rawr!

Archie, 10/1/11

Mr. Lodge is a master of psychological warfare; unable to prevent his daughter for dating the hated Archie, he’ll seek to dehumanize the poor lad by only referring to him as “it.”