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Mary Worth, 8/19/11

Gruesome mob-related killing, everyone! That … that’s why Gina can’t truly love? Because of the mob? Not because of some kind of freak skateboard accident or anything. Mobsters! This is … I gotta say, it’s pretty disappointing. I admit that for most of my life if you had said to me “gruesome mob killing in Mary Worth!” I’d have been intrigued, but the strip already did a drive-by killing last year, and frankly it needs to up its weirdness quotient if it intends to keep my attention. Are you sure there wasn’t any synchronized skateboarding involved in this gruesome mob killing, Gina?

Archie, 8/19/11

I’ve always kind of enjoyed the comics convention whereby flying droplets of sweat represent a character’s surprise/bafflement/disbelief (at least in non-Cathy contexts). The fact that Betty is completely out of our field of vision, leaving only her three sweatballs to fly into the frame in the final panel to indicate her bemusement, charms me all the more.

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Gil Thorp, 7/27/11

Hey, everyone, in case you were wondering, Gil Thorp hasn’t been cancelled or anything. Due to my extreme displeasure at the second summer in a row featuring a shenanigan-free golf plot, I refuse to do even a cursory job summarizing the storyline for you, but I do want to point out with icy disdain the “FOOZLE!” in panel two. Can you imagine any circumstance under which hitting a golf ball would result in a noise that sounds even remotely like “FOOZLE”? No, of course you can’t, other than maybe Dr. Scavuzzo has a special wacky trick club that emits hilarious vaudeville noises. Gil Thorp, we want our insane summer plot! We will not be bought off by supposedly zany sound effects.

Mary Worth, 7/27/11

Potential reasons why our waitress is flabbergasted at Mary’s very mild health-based oversharing:

• “Oh, no, we don’t have anything even remotely healthy on our menu! Even the salad is garnished with fried onion rings and lard-flavored dressing! Literally anything I serve to this woman will kill her right here in the booth!”
• “Wait, I wasn’t listening to anything she said until the very end. ‘Dodged a bullet?’ Is this seemingly feeble old woman a ninja with superhuman powers?”
• “Hey, it’s that jerk Mary Worth, who meddled in my affairs a few years back and ruined my life!”

Archie, 7/27/11

Of course we all know that Jughead loves a good hot dog, but now we’re discovering just how much: take one from him and in his rage he’ll commit genocide.

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Family Circus, 7/11/11

I actually don’t feel any need to discuss PJ’s pants (they’re called “men’s capris,” and they’re not particularly rare these days), but I do think we should take a hard look at Jeffy’s. For years I’ve heard jokes about his “leg warmers.” I’ve always assumed that he’s supposed to be wearing dark jeans that are cuffed up at the bottom, like he’s some kind of 1950’s tough, but in today’s version he just seems to be wearing some kind of featureless black leggings that have a blue stripe at the bottom, stretching from his ankles almost all the way up to his knees (not that it’s easy to figure out where the knees are given his freakish Keane Kid anatomy, yeesh). Anyway, I’m guessing that Jeffy looks so sad because he know his sister’s vicious fashion inquisition will be turned upon him in short order.

Archie, 7/11/11

I was going to say that White Collar Prison Riot and Crash Dancing were the all-time funniest things ever associated with the Archie franchise, but then I read this.

Oh, and hey! Did you know today is the seventh anniversary of when I started this blog? That’s, um, a lot of blogging. Good lord I’m old.