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Baby Blues, 3/31/21

Look, as a guy with a Gen X beard situation myself (though I finally ditched the goatee for the full mountain man during the quar), I get why it’s absolutely perfect for “Good Ol’ Stan,” Darryl’s douchey college pal whose visit Wanda has been dreading all week, to have a prominent and douchey beard when he finally makes his first on-panel appearance. I won’t even quibble with the individual decisions to have his hair be light brown, to have him wearing a mask, and to have Darryl’s underpants tucked under the beard in the aftermath of the epic wedgie he’s received. But taken together? To produce what appears to be a wavy light brown stain near the waistband of Darryl’s tighty-whities? That’s just bad decision making and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Hi and Lois, 3/31/21

Look, all you people who call Hi and Lois “unfit parents” just because they leave their infant unsupervised, both indoors and outdoors, for hours at a time: would an unfit parent bother to carefully place that infant several inches into the shade, which is a great place to leave her for several more hours, since we all know that shade remains in the same place over the course of the day? Check and mate, haters!

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/20

OK, so, just to make sure we have the sequence clear, these ICE dudes arrested Adeela (who, just to emphasize, is in the United States legally) due to a bureaucratic fuckup (one that didn’t make a ton of narrative sense, but still), fast-tracked her for near-immediate deportation, resisted any attempt by her lawyer to make them re-examine the dodgy evidence that led them to their decision, and released her not because they realized they were wrong or because they reassessed their obviously broken internal processes, but because of political intervention at the highest levels. But anyway, they’re returning the Montoni’s bag, so they’re good now! No hard feelings, right? [Backslapping and laughter all around]

Daddy Daze, 10/25/20

Wow, the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend sure is getting extra goth today, isn’t he, moaning about how parenting makes time stretch on infinitely, such that we’re all either rapidly aging or cursed with eternal life or maybe both. Anyway, it absolutely makes sense that the Daddy Daze daddy has chosen to sit several seats away from him.

Blondie, 10/25/20

Not to brag or anything, but if I wanted to spend an evening out with a pal and possibly get home long after my wife went to sleep, I would just tell her that’s what I had planned, and if that made her uncomfortable in some way, we’d have an open and honest discussion about it. Maybe that’s weird, maybe the rest of you are all promising your spouses you’ll be home by 1 am and coming home at 3 am and getting in trouble for it, I dunno, but you know what’s a hell of a lot weirder? Dagwood thinking that only wearing his undershirt makes him quieter, somehow.

Baby Blues, 10/25/20

It’s also never occurred to me to casually ask my wife “Hey, babe, you ever fuck Spider-Man?” so maybe I just need to admit that everyone’s marriage is unique and none of us have any real idea what anybody else is doing.

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Baby Blues, 6/29/20

I don’t want you think that I’m constantly raging against Marvin’s incessant piss and shit jokes is because I’m against bathroom humor per se. It’s the “incessant” part that really gets me; of course some judiciously applied poop humor is an important part of any comic strip with child characters. Today’s Baby Blues genuinely made me laugh, for instance! I particularly like the expression on the dog’s face in panel two. He just wanted to poop on his walk like he always does, safe in the assumption that his owner would clean it up, and now he’s embarrassed! He never asked to be part of this!

Gasoline Alley, 6/29/20

You know what didn’t make me laugh? Today’s Gasoline Alley, which is about desperate homeless people breaking into circus animals’ cages to eat their food! I’m not even going to bother describing the plotline we’re in the middle of here, because it doesn’t actually provide any context for today’s strip, which, I can’t emphasize enough, is about people so poor and hungry that they need to eat circus animal feed to survive, Jesus Christ.