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Curtis, 4/23/15

When you create a character who is as unlikeable as oh, say, Ed Crankshaft, from time to time you have to fake up some appealing qualities or history so the audience doesn’t come to its senses and give up on the strip entirely. So here comes “Backstabbin’ Bedwetter” Barry Wilkins — who can singlehandedly make you feel sorry for his brother Curtis — totin’ Teddy and talkin’ tough, ready for redemption.

There’s no precedent at all for Barry’s altruism — he was just as bored/disgusted by his brother’s romantic aspirations in Tuesday’s strip as he ever was, and nothing changed on Wednesday. There won’t be any consequences, either — Barry will be just as hateful as ever the next time we check in on him. It’s just time for a quick karma rinse-and-run.

I’ll take it all back if Michelle falls hopelessly in love with him.

Mary Worth, 4/23/15

NO NO NO TERRY DON’T DO IT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK. Aw crud – gave it up, and for nothing.

A small irony here is that Terry Bryson was introduced to the strip as a privacy consultant who helped Toby Cameron understand how to defend herself against intrusions into her confidential personal and financial information, and that people shouldn’t be dopes. Well, Terry, you can kiss your own precious privacy goodbye. Dope.

B.C., 4/23/15

Oh boy — the long-awaited B.C./Crankshaft crossover.

Shoe, 4/23/15

I know Shoe is sort of the go-to strip for avian reproductive humor, but eww.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/21/15

As Chief Information Security Officer for the Holler, Loweezy routinely runs white-hat penetration tests like this one on its HootinNet® communications infrastructure. She also makes sure everyone’s properly encryptin’ everthin’, and continues her longstanding Denial of Service attack against Snuffy — the disastrous “Tater Breach” still fresh in her mind. We shall not speak of honeypots, or backdoor exploits.

Crankshaft, 4/21/15

We interrupt our “failed sad-sack theater owner runs for mayor” story for the latest skirmish in Ed’s long war on his persistent and capricious nasal blackheads (8 today!). Pam did her best, but apparently the belt sander was no match. I’d go with a 50-grit, but she’s the one who has to clean up.

“Sideophex” (dialone unmorndibab) is doubtless one of those new immunosuppressants you see all over the teevee, where celebrities or big “real-world models” stride confidently about while a honey-voiced announcer purrs, “Listen up, people – this suppresses your immune system, and you really, really don’t want your immune system suppressed. I mean, unless you want to die from one of those diseases you thought antibiotics killed off a century ago. Seriously folks, you are flirting with an iron lung here, do not take these pills. Oh, hi Ed. Three a day, after meals. First pack’s free; I’m thinking you won’t need a second. Don’t operate machinery for a while, m’kay? We’ve got plenty of machinery lined up for you later.”

B.C., 4/21/15

Wow, this one’s really hard to unpack. In case you don’t follow controversies in evolutionary theory or this strip, here’s some background:

• Many Bible-based theories of life’s origins hold that humans and dinosaurs must have coexisted
• The brontosaurus, long thought to be a paleontologist’s error, is back in the game
• Ken Ham is the founder and author of Answers in Genesis, a Christian apologetics ministry and book
• Under Johnny Hart, B.C. often covered Christian themes and sometimes explicitly proselytized.

OK, so WTF? Ken Ham presumably wouldn’t care about the brontosaurus/apatosaurus controversy, but why would he “eat (his) heart out” at evidence that dinosaurs and humans coexisted? Maybe Peter thinks Ham will be jealous that it’s some caveman who coexists with dinosaurs, and not Ham himself? Maybe it’s just clumsy phrasing, and the intent was something like, “Here’s one for you, Ken Ham”? Or maybe the new author is less committed to a religious point of view than to B.C.’s fundamental principle, incoherence? Anyway, I’m surprised that an outfit called “The Creator’s Syndicate” doesn’t take a dim view of the whole thing, and you do not want to mess with those guys.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 3/16/15

This week’s Apartment 3-G is slightly more firmly grounded in reality than last week’s James Bond-ian insanity. I mean, a modern young woman in New York getting into making strawberry jam in her apartment? Sure! Lots of younger people are reclaiming the labor-intensive food prep processes of their grandparents’ era as a hobby! A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel? Uh, sure, that could happen, I guess? I seem to remember during the Martin vs. Bobbie storyline that Bobbie was weirdly convinced that Martin was into Lu Ann, I think because they were hanging around with each other socially for some reason. A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel while wearing a pink suit jacket over a white turtleneck? Look, I … I can’t explain everything, OK?

Family Circus, 3/16/15

Man, Mommy sure seems depressed about how excited Dolly is. “Mommy, everything in these diaries up until this has been straight-up garbage! When will I meet the man who will give my life meaning?”

B.C., 3/16/15

Ha ha, that would be a derogatory thing to call a women’s restroom! Say, what are the female characters in this strip named, again?