Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/1/24

Hey guys! Sorry I didn’t keep you up to date on the big drama at the Santa Royale Veterinarians Convention, which is that Dr. Ed ran into his ex Shiela and Estelle experienced a frission of jealousy about it. I know you’re all very emotionally invested in the Ed/Estelle relationship (or E/E, as its known in the fandom) and didn’t want to leave you with your feelings all up in the air about it! But don’t worry: today we’ve definitively established that Shiela is Dr. Ed’s former girlfriend, but they’re just good friends now. They each found partners better suited to them! And that goodness for that!

Panels from Slylock Fox, 9/1/24

This has got to be a real downer for the intelligent animals of Slylock Fox: they successfully rose up and overthrew humanity’s domination, but only had a couple decades at the top before a massive asteroid strike wiped out their ecosystem. Their rule was so brief that whatever sapient species eventually evolves from tiny sea lice in a billion years or so probably won’t even notice it in the paleontological record.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 9/1/24

You ever think about how your bed has to work to support your weight while you’re asleep, and that what you consider to be the restful part of your day is actually when your bed suffers the most? Why would Beetle Bailey, whose title character is truly the patron saint of sloth, be the one to bring us this terrible information?

Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 8/29/24

I was going to say that Beetle’s whining here is unrealistic, as well as being literally, legally insubordinate, but you know what? The damn strip is named Beetle Bailey! If not for him, Halftrack wouldn’t even exist! Put some damn respect on his name, General!

Blondie, 8/29/24

Sorry, man, you don’t put a giant calendar like that on your fridge if you’re counting down towards something you’re wistful about, like the end of barbecuing season. I think it’s clear that Dagwood’s in a doomsday cult, the “last summer barbecue” is going to burn up most of the neighborhood and the people who live there, and he’s pissed because he’s been informed he won’t be able to partake of the Flesh of the Righteous alongside the Leader before he too is immolated.

Gearhead Gertie, 8/29/24

I gotta say, if you’re sitting on a park bench minding your own business and a total stranger decides to start tut-tutting at you about the kids today and their phones, I think indignantly replying “I’m reading about NASCAR” is as good a comeback as any. Maybe it’ll convince them that you’re decent, salt-of-the-earth people, or maybe it’ll just confuse them, but either way chances are good they’ll leave you alone!

Mary Worth, 8/29/24

ME WHEN I ASSSUMED DR. ED WAS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID SHE WAS GETTING TOO OBSESSIVE ABOUT WEDDING STUFF AND ALSO SO SHE COULD LEARN MORE ABOUT THE PROFESSION: Well, I’m not sure this is really what she’d want but I think his heart’s in the right place.

ME TODAY AS I LEARN DR. ED IS TAKING ESTELLE TO A VETERINARIAN CONVENTION BECAUSE HE “OWES” HER A “DAY OUT” AND WAS GOING THERE ANYWAY: Girl. Dump him. Dump him girl!!!!

Post Content

Crock, 8/23/24

An interesting phenomenon in the daily comics is that often during the strip’s genesis, the creators come up with an odd conceit or bit that is genuinely funny at the time, but then the strip runs for literal decades and they want to do jokes that are not about that bit, using the characters and scenarios they’ve established that are based around the bit, which produces odd results. Shoe forgetting its characters are all birds is a prime example. Crock is in an even weirder boat, where Grossie and Maggot’s son Otis (whose name I could not for the life of me remember for the longest time, and Google was no help, and every once in a while I check out to see if ChatGPT can do the thing it claims it can do, and it told me his name was either “Mongoose” or “Qaddafi,” so no, it very much cannot do the thing it claims it can do) is best friends with a vulture. Indeed, the vulture is his only friend, which is why he’s excited to talk with him about what he’s learned about human reproduction. However, this joke, which would be mildly funny if it were part of a conversation between two normal human children, becomes profoundly weird when it’s part of a conversation between a normal human child and a talking vulture. Like, if you knew talking vultures existed, maybe you’d find the idea that storks delivered babies more plausible! On the flipside, if you were a talking vulture and you heard this story about storks, you might have some inside information on storks and their ways that could confirm or deny the details. Anyway, I’m dwelling on all this because the alternative is thinking about how not long before the action in this strip occurred, a vulture dad told his vulture son about vulture sex in great anatomical detail, and I’m not doing any research on vulture reproduction but I’m just going to go ahead and assume that the whole process is pretty gross.

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/24

Great, just great, I read this comic and immediately felt the absolutely 100% useless piece of information “Private Blips is a Swiftie” falling into place in my brain. Sorry, spare set of keys! I will never remember where you are now. That slot is taken.