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Mark Trail, 12/8/11

Hi everyone! You’ve probably been wondering what’s happening in Mark Trail. WOLVES! WOLVES! is what’s happening. Panel two is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in this strip. Between Kelly’s huge eyes and flapping lapels and WOLVES!, I think I might even love it unironically. The fact that it’s heralding an epic bear vs. wolfpack fight is just icing on the cake.

Beetle Bailey, 12/8/11

Maybe Kelly Welly should have wandered into a gentler valley, like this one, full of animals that are the product of “scientists” doing “research,” as imagined by someone who isn’t really clear on what research entails or what scientists do or what animals look like. Ha ha, that one bird sure is boozing it up! That seems significant.

Mary Worth, 12/8/11

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, this brutish ginger kidnapper-thug is going to perpetrate the most unspeakable crime anyone could imagine: he’s going to steal the sweater that Mary left at the diner. THE WOMAN ALREADY HAD HER PURSE STOLEN! HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH???

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Beetle Bailey, 11/4/11

General Halftrack’s mind long ago turned to mush, with garden-variety senile dementia being speeded along by copious amounts of liquor. Still, he has moments of awful lucidity, as in today’s panel one, when he realizes that one of his soldiers is generally accompanied by an anthropomorphic dog. “Seriously, why does he walk on his hind legs? And wear a uniform? Is he actually in the Army? What sort of insane world have I been living in all these years?” Then, mercifully, the veil of madness quickly falls over his existence again. “What if I walked on all fours, like a dog? Ha ha, funny!”

Gasoline Alley, 11/4/11

Oh, look, Slim’s cousin, a character whose major distinguishing characteristic is that he tells appallingly bad jokes nonstop, is back, gracing us with a bad joke every day, forever! I have hopes that Clovia’s “!” is short for “Wait, I just reaized, I don’t just have to sit here and listen quietly to these bad jokes! I could, for instance, ask this gentleman to leave! Or I could murder him.”

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Mary Worth, 10/19/11

Boy, Mary Worth got kind of boring in my absence, didn’t it? With the surprisingly fast reunion and all? Bobby and Gina, back together, still in love … wait a minute, Bobby says he loved Gina, past tense! YES, MORE DRAMA AND HEARTBREAK AND oh, man, I’m looking for drama in the verb tenses of Mary Worth. This is quite frankly a new personal low.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/11

If you had asked me, “Josh, could Beetle Bailey become less funny if the entire cast were replaced by tiny robot replicas of themselves?” I would have said “no” because quite honestly I would have tuned out everything after “become less funny.” But now that I see the aggressively wacky Mini-Gizmo I already hate it even more than I already hated the real Gizmo. God, I can just hear its loathsomely zany robot-voice. WHY DOES BEETLE BAILEY MAKE IRRITATING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES?

Six Chix, 10/19/11

Yeah, so apparently Rina Piccolo (aka the Six Chix Wednesday chick) is going keep doing S&M themed comics until somebody stops her.