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Beetle Bailey, 9/18/10

This is a joke. I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way; I mean it’s got a setup that establishes our expectations, and a punchline and visual that gently subvert them. Sure, it’s Beetle Bailey and it’s about golf, but it’s professionally executed and there’s no denying it’s a joke. That, and we get to look at General Halftrack’s sweet pimp hat. Nice.

Crankshaft, 9/18/10

This, on the other hand, is Crankshaft. It starts out like a joke, with one of those trademark paid-by-the-word Crankshaft “setups” busting a bowel in panel 1 — maybe bricks are hard to draw? But there’s no twist, no surprise, no little epiphany at the end — just confirmation that Crankshaft’s bitter hostility is no match for his selfishness. And the same damn hat as always.

The Phantom, 9/18/10 (panels)

The Phantom, 7/29/10

Up top, the Phantom shows up dressed like a thug in the the middle of the night to interrogate the homeowner whose phone Diana used to call New York back in July, as we see down below. The terrified Rhodian reports that no way was he shooting at any white woman, and anyway he only used his little BLAM gun, not that great big BOOM one, no sir!

Mary Worth, 9/18/10

Four days listening to Hunky Doc Mike drone on about his dead absentee alcoholic vigilante failure Dad and poor Jenna’s itching to wrap up this “closure” claptrap and get down with some hott “moving on” action! Let’s listen in:

Mike: “I saw a man who wanted justice, and became obsessed with getting it.”
Jenna: “It seems knowing his reasons and weaknesses helped you forgive him. Do you want to take a walk?”

Mike: “He gave me life, but I never really knew him.”
Jenna: “You came through when it mattered! My place or yours? I think I might have a little wine left!”

Mike: “When he reached out to me, I saw what I had missed all those years!”
Jenna: “You helped him find peace! “It’s just down the street, and I’ve got a trapeze!”

Mike: “There was so little time, and so much I needed to say to him.”
Jenna: “You did what you could! Hey, maybe there’s some special thing you’ve always wanted to try but were too embarrassed to ask a girl ….”

Mike: “He taught me the lessons of his life, but died before I could thank him!”
Jenna: “Oh crap, Mary and Jeff just walked in — listen, just do me in the john, OK?”

Hey everybody, I’m sitting in while Josh is on vacation. Use bio@jfruh.com to contact me about any trouble with the site, spam, comment issues, etc. Thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 9/17/10

We’ve learned from Apartment 3-G that the world of soap opera strips is sometimes haunted by mysterious, ghostly blue figures. These shades can watch and murmur inaudibly, but never speak or interact with our heroes. Today’s Mark Trail, though, contains the first ever sighting of mysterious blue bottles. Is this why our evil cage-hunter is so bitter and angry? He drinks the ghost-booze, constantly, and yet he never gets a buzz, because this beverage primarily exists in the spirit realm.

Beetle Bailey, 9/16/10

Ha ha, yes, the lady in the GPS computer, she tells you to order a pizza even when you have a pizza already in your lap! Beetle Bailey’s Sarge: portrait of a paranoid schizophrenic compulsive eater.

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Jumble, 9/9/10

Faithful Jumble readers know that the seemingly innocent scrambled word game is slowly transforming into some kind of social-realist tract on the seedy underbelly of modern society, with routine depictions of sleaze and vice. Today’s panel continues this trend, depicting a baffled and hungover young man (wearing a wizard hat?) being taunted by the hard-faced barfly he gave it up to the previous night in a drunken haze. The can in her hand is a nice touch (presumably she’s already getting started on the day’s drinking), as is the wastebasket right next to the bed (for used condoms, or mid-intercourse booze-induced vomiting, or both). Is our protagonist wearing a t-shirt that just says “Pot,” of the sort popularized by the beloved Weedmaster P character in the delightful Overcompensating Web comic? Maybe, and maybe if he had stuck with that substance, he wouldn’t be in his current predicament.

Apartment 3-G, 9/9/10

Oh … oh dear. It appears the makeover has hit its first major disaster, as the syndicate colorists have completely lost track of who this Lu Ann person is and just arbitrarily given her red hair. Apparently they work by hairstyle only, which is bad news for a strip that’s trying to change the hairstyles of its characters. You can see why they might make this mistake, though; with the curls and the off-one-shoulder toga-like thing, Lu Ann looks like she might be playing Venus in a high-school play.

Beetle Bailey, 9/9/10

I’ve been mostly ignoring the Beetle Bailey 60th anniversary wank-a-thon, but I did enjoy this 1965 strip, in which “wacky rebel” Rocky attempts to assassinate a general officer. He’d rather go to Leavenworth than go to ’Nam, man!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/9/10

Aww, isn’t this cute! Holly saved the message she got telling her that Funky was in a car wreck. Presumably it’s so she can relive over and over again that brief, magical moment when she thought the nasty old hatesack might be dead.