Post Content

Cleats, Ziggy, and Mary Worth, 12/11/08

Cleats has spent the last few weeks introducing Svanhildur, aka “Swan Battle,” aka “the Gunk of Cleats.” I would like to believe that I don’t actually follow Cleats closely enough to notice when new characters are introduced, but I’m afraid that idea has now been conclusively disproven. Anyway, Edith mocks the idea that swan battles are part of everyday experience; however, my understanding is that swans are merely fancy elitist geese, and geese are — I know this from living for several years near Lake Merritt in Oakland, which was lousy with them — nasty, aggressive birds willing to do battle on the innocent and the helpless with little or no provocation. Take Lynn and her totally innocent, never-got-a-fingerbang-from-him-no-sir friend Greg, feeding these ungrateful parasites in today’s flashback frame. Lynn’s dad was mad at Greg for taking Lynn away from her skating practice; Greg’s parents, on the other hand, were mad at Lynn for fleeing the scene in terror while the savage swans pecked their poor son to death.

The swan in Ziggy, meanwhile, only does battle with the dignity of birds everywhere. Its obscenely lolling tongue is particularly unsettling. Ziggy is right to manifest his patented Undereye Bags Of Horror in response.

Gil Thorp, 12/11/08

I really do keep waiting for this to turn out to be a continuation of the wacky tale of Jeff “Sacko” “6-9” “That kid who lied about his heart condition” Ponczak and Matt the Hat and Marty Moon and … you know, football season, this ostensibly being a comic about sports and all, but I’m coming around to the idea that maybe we’re firmly planted in a brave new plot of NUT BOY and armed robbery and now, two snobby prep school refugees washing up on Milford’s poverty-blighted shores! Our snooty transfer twins will be just like 90210′s Brandon and Brenda, except oppositely socially mobile, and one of them is named “Bryce” instead of “Brandon”, and they’ll probably be roped into participating in some kind of athletic activity. Perhaps Bryce will complain loudly about Milford’s lack of a polo team or yachting squad.

Beetle Bailey, 12/11/08

Yeah, lady, I’m sure this seems like a good idea now, but just wait until the beatings start.

Post Content

As America’s Thanksgiving weekend winds up, I just thought I’d give thanks for a few things:

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 11/28/08

I’m thankful for the greatest Apartment 3-G narration box ever. “As Margo’s despair deepens…” should be placed at the top of every panel in which Margo appears, and at the top of many in which she does not.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/28/08

June is thankful that Sarah hasn’t noticed that “loud older people alone time” mostly happens when Daddy is out “playing golf.”

Luann, 11/28/08

I’m thankful that we got to see T.J. talking to his parents, swatches of whose scalps he keeps in his wallet at all times, about at last finding a new set of victims.

Panel from Spider-Man, 11/28/08

I’m glad to at last see hard evidence that excessive TV watching can reduce your attention span.

The Middletons, 11/30/08

I’m glad to see that America’s funny pages can provide comic relief for those with loved ones suffering from senile dementia. Ha ha, she’s so far gone, she doesn’t even know what time of year it is!

Beetle Bailey, 11/30/08

I’m glad we got to see Beetle in charge of a whole soldier, instead of the dismembered soldier-bits he usually bosses around.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 11/16/08

Could this be Mary’s most complex and multilayered meddle yet? As our protagonist openly disparages Frank’s parenting/coaching style and instills thoughts of independence in Lynn’s head, she’s clearly set events in motion that can only end in tears, and murder (not necessarily in that order).

I really and sincerely hope that, as the dialog balloon in panel one seems to indicate, Mary actually said “Knock! Knock!” aloud rather than physically rapping her knuckles on Lynn’s door. Also, this strip indicates the extent to which Lynn’s will has been broken; any person with a healthy sense of self would react to the vision in panel two with either wild gunfire or terrified flight into the woods.

Beetle Bailey, 11/16/08

Even with my standards for Beetle Bailey being as low as they are, I have to say that I find Sarge’s cavalcade of vaguely ethnic disguises confusing and unsettling. The fake Frenchman is at least speaking real French, and it does seem likely that a genuine cowboy would know at least a smattering of Spanish, but that clown is creeping me out. Why is he spouting Fred Flinstone’s beloved and almost certainly trademarked catchphrase? And why does he say “thank you” in what appears to be pidgin Italian? Does the author think that Italians are all cartoon-obsessed clowns? Because that would be one of the most obscure ethnic stereotypes trotted out in living memory.

Slylock Fox, 11/16/08

The answer to today’s puzzle is far too small for me to read — I’m assuming it involves boring old science — but I’m frankly less concerned about what Slylock and Max will drink than with what they’ll eat. The fish skeleton on the shore indicates what their first island-side dinner consisted of; the way the tentacles of the no doubt anthropomorphic octopus in the stewpot appear to still be wriggling as the castaways’ makeshift fire boils it alive is profoundly unsettling. That sea turtle will be the next into the pot, followed no doubt by Max himself.