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Apartment 3-G, 10/3/06

Wow, for a strip that had to tiptoe its way around what was blatantly supposed to be an extramarital fling a few months ago, Apartment 3-G sure seems to have enthusiastically transformed itself into a Viagra commercial today. I like the way Margo and the Professor are all smiles throughout the exchange, to show that Margo’s impotence cracks are all in good fun. Gina, meanwhile, looks suddenly concerned in panel two, as if she hadn’t considered this possible downside to her old-man-snagging ways.

Beetle Bailey, 10/3/06

Ha, ha, it’s funny because General Halftrack and Beetle are both cowards! But is it also a cutting commentary on the array of active and retired generals who have questioned Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s leadership in the Iraq war? Who says it can’t be both! Well, I do, because this is Beetle Bailey, so it’s really only the first thing. Except for the “funny” part.

Fox Trot, 10/3/06

The interlinked man-woman symbol pendant is a nice touch, and the “beetle music” line is groanworthy, but neither should distract from the fact that Jason is using his iguana as a prop to hit on his mom. Ick. And ick.

Mark Trail, 10/3/06

OK, arrow-ass-bear-whose-arrow-seems-to-have-mysteriously-disappeared-but-we-know-it’s-still-you-probably, you need to remember that you are a vicious, 1,000-pound beast, with flesh-tearing fangs and razor-sharp claws. The fact that you allowed this pasty, defenseless, hairless ape to bop you on the snout with a tree limb — as if you were a dog to be chastised with a rolled-up newspaper! — and ran away, leaving all of the human’s internal organs safely inside his body, brings shame to all wild bears everywhere. You’re not expected to try to understand the hostility towards you, just react to it with savage carnage.

Judge Parker, 10/3/06

GAYEST. JUDGE PARKER. EVER.

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Baldo, 9/20/06

Baldo is one of those strips that I like enough to read every day, but it’s almost never so exciting that it gets mentioned here. This week there’s some serious oddness going on, though, as the title teen attempts to romance a bottle of conditioner. It was weird enough when it happened yesterday; its recurrence today is starting to freak me out. The fact that Baldo’s hair retains its perfect shape even in the shower may go to show just how intimate he is with hair-styling products.

Beetle Bailey, 9/20/06

One of the odder recurring bits in Beetle Bailey is Beetle’s extremely intermittent relationship with Miss Buxley. Although they are occasionally seen going out together or even holding hands, they seem to be perpetually on a second or third date. This is to my knowledge the first time that Private Bailey has even tried to get to first base with the buxom secretary, and the dialogue around the attempt is particularly bizarre. I myself have never been in the army, but I did go to public school, and so I know a thing or two about old water fountains, and if Miss Buxley thinks that the techniques needed to get water out of one makes a man a “good kisser,” then she’s much, much kinkier than I ever gave her credit for.

Actually, the more I think about it, Miss Buxley is probably not complimenting Beetle for trying to suck her liver out through her windpipe by asking him if he’s a man-whore, but rather saw him coming at her face with his lips ludicrously extended and is trying to come up with something — anything — to say to distract him from his advances. This fits in better with their body language, in which he’s grabbing her by the elbows and she’s bracing herself against his chest, and with the fact that she’s way, way out of his league.

The Lockhorns, 9/20/06

don’t visualize it don’t visualize it don’t visuAAAARRRGGGH MY BRAIN MY BRAIN MY BRAIN

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They’ll Do It Every Time, 9/9/06

Wow, check out the lower panel here: Ol’ Foghorn looks like he’s about ready to slap his wife around for suggesting a little home improvement. The way terrified little Foghorn Junior is clinging to his mom implies that he knows what’s coming and that this isn’t the first time dad has turned nasty. Presumably Foghorn Pater’s literally violent aversion to any change in his domestic scene explains the William McKinley-era aesthetic sensibility on display in the Foghorn household. The other attendees at the town meeting may feel that Fred (oh, I’m sorry, that’s “Ferd”) dominates civic discussion with his high-minded blather, but he clearly dominates his family in a much, much uglier way.

Apartment 3-G, 9/9/06

AAARGGH! DISCUSSION OF YOUR MARRIAGE COUNSELING SESSIONS: NOT SEXY! NOT GOING TO GET YOU LAID! ABORT, TED, ABORT!

If you’re a marriage counselor, I’ve got to imagine that the moment when one of your clients throws her infidelity in the face of her husband has got to be kind of a professional low point.

Beetle Bailey, 9/9/06

Ha ha! It’s funny because Sarge beat Beetle so savagely that many of his bones were shattered, leaving him hospitalized and in traction for months! He’ll be lucky if he ever walks again! Ha ha!

Seriously, Beetle Bailey is really fucked up.