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Beetle Bailey, 9/29/21

BEETLE BAILEYS WHERE SARGE ASSAULTS BEETLE AND POUNDS HIM INTO A PILE OF GOO: Goofy, fun, cartoonish, the whole family can enjoy them

BEETLE BAILEYS WHERE SARGE ASSAULTS BEETLE, RESULTING IN A VERY SPECIFIC AND REALISTIC INJURY: Really quite disturbing, honestly

Judge Parker, 9/29/21

Big news: Ronnie and Neddy’s TV show, based on Neddy’s adventures with Godiva and April, is finally coming to Netflix! Sadly, the production’s hair department did not get the memo on the only way you can tell Godiva and April apart (April has a ponytail, Godiva doesn’t).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/29/21

“Wait she … doesn’t want to endlessly bask in glow of success that came very easily to her? My God, where did we go wrong as parents? What kind of Morgan is she?”

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Shoe, 9/28/21

The obvious version of this joke would have the Professor deliver his first line looking at his desk at work, or maybe in his home office. But nope, instead he’s saying it while looking at his living room chair, and I assume that the “lots” he has to do involves catching up on various prestige television shows and finishing off yesterday’s pizza and snacks, which he’s blowing off to read about golf instead. A true legend of sloth!

Blondie, 9/28/21

I’ve never really gotten a handle on how old Elmo is supposed to be, exactly, but I refuse to acknowledge a scenario where he’s capable of drawing Mr. Dithers’s and Dagwood’s faces (side note: there is no reason for Elmo to have ever met or even seen a picture of Mr. Dithers) with such precision, and yet be unable to properly write the letter E. I have to assume that he’s chosen a whimsical “childish” signature as part of his artistic #brand, which may explain why he’s placed (in-universe) photorealistic drawings on stick-figure bodies.

Beetle Bailey, 9/28/21

You’ve got to admit that “killed stateside by friendly fire” was always the most probably way for Beetle Bailey to die, just edging out “organ failure from repeated beatings from Sarge” and “slept too hard.”

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Six Chix, 9/26/21

Wait, isn’t the Phantom of the Opera’s whole deal that he lives in the opera house full time, mostly in a lair in the basement, and he never leaves? I’ve never read or seen any version of this story, but I’m very sure about this and the “boating on the Seine” thing bothers me so much! It’s always fun for me to discover a new thing that I’m violently pedantic about despite having no emotional stakes in it whatsoever, I tell you what.

Beetle Bailey, 9/26/21

I like the fact that Rocky is just sitting there at his otherwise empty desk with a pencil in his hand. I realize this is because everything in Beetle Bailey by law has to be as on-the-nose as possible, and he’s an editor and that’s a thing that involves writing, but I’d like to imagine that Rocky actually writes the entire Camp Swampy Bugle out every day by hand with a pencil, and there’s only ever one copy, and it’s always delivered to General Halftrack, and Rocky deliberately misspells his name to antagonize him.