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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/23/20

Well, it looks like Rex Morgan, M.D.’s “Lockdown Stories” isn’t going just involve Michelle tearfully being separated from her husband so she can work the COVID ward, and, uh, Rex gleefully being separated from his family so he can work in the COVID ward; we’re also getting … THE RETURN OF RENE, BABY!

Rene! You know we always want more Rene!

Remember, Rene was introduced as an amiable art teacher/former forger when Woody Wilson was writing the strip, but under current writer Terry Beatty has become a criminal mastermind, with grifts ranging from classic comics fraud to new age scam artistry. You’d think that a global pandemic wouldn’t require the services of this strip’s only actual villain to ramp up the drama, but now that he’s here I’m sure we’re going to learn he’s into some fun stuff. Will it be PPE hoarding? Hawking colloidal silver as a COVID-19 miracle cure? Did he develop the novel coronavirus in a lab specifically to make Buck’s life miserable? Can’t wait to find out!

Six Chix, 8/23/20

Note that the lady in this strip is sipping coffee or perhaps tea from her mug as she enjoys her weekend crossword, probably in the middle of the afternoon, while the dude is walking around holding a glass of wine (who even knows how many he’s had at this point), drunk and belligerent and looking to ruin somebody’s day. It’s dark!

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/20

Did you ever think about how Mr. Wilson, the gruff antagonist in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Dennis the Menace, probably has a pretty depressing life? Well, today’s Dennis the Menace would very much like you to think about it, for some reason!

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/20

Man, if exuberant and energetic displays of joy make you mad, you should probably not work in an ice cream parlor!

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Blondie, 8/19/20

ALERT ALERT THE SYNDICATED NEWSPAPER COMIC STRIP BLONDIE HAS BECOME AWARE OF THE CONCEPT OF “INFLUCENCERS,” THREAT LEVEL ALPHA, REPEAT, THREAT LEVEL ALPHA

Beetle Bailey, 8/19/20

ALERT ALERT BEETLE BAILEY’S “MISS BUXLEY WEDNESDAY” HAS BECOME DANGEROUSLY HORNY

Curtis, 8/19/20

ALERT ALERT CURTIS’S FACE IS BECOMING DANGEROUSLY CLOSE REPEAT DANGEROUSLY CLOSE ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/13/20

Oh, look, everyone! Les is saving Lisa twice! The “Montoni’s Burns Down” plot happened during the gap when I wasn’t reading Funky Winkerbean, but has anyone ever suggested that maybe Lisa got cancer because of breathing in the hazardous fumes formed when Montoni’s truly noxious pizza sauce caught flame? Just spitballing here! Probably Marianne will end up dying of cancer too for similar reasons not long after finishing filming Lisa’s Story (Mason’s hair product cabinet caught on fire, maybe?) and Les will accept her Best Actress Oscar. His sad yet smug self-importance will blot out the sun.

Beetle Bailey, 8/13/20

I was going to get absolutely enraged that this furry is clearly a wolf and yet his briefcase says “Grizz & Assoc.”, but then I realized he’s probably the “associates” and “Grizz” is his boss (a bear furry, obviously). Anyway, what’s your favorite thing about his outfit? When you answer, keep in mind that his outfit consists of a vest, a suit jacket, a bow tie, and nothing else.

Mark Trail, 8/13/20

Hey man, I was pretty sanguine about Tabby’s abandonment because I was 100% sure she would find a safe home with the Trails, but I am not cool with how cavalier Mark’s being about the packs of rabid feral dogs roaming the area! Sure, Rusty’s had his shots, so the worst that could happen to him is that he gets lightly-to-mediumly mauled, but we don’t want Tabby’s story ending in an Old Yeller scenario, or, worse, a Cujo situation, so let’s get moving on that rabies vaccination, shall we?

Crankshaft, 8/13/20

I really hope they get through to Jeff Bezos, and I hope he takes them seriously! I hope he pulls out all the stops and uses all the power that’s accrued to his trillion-dollar megacorporation to just absolutely crush this streetside lemonade stand, the illegal, unpermitted bookstore it’s attached to, and the entire Centerville economy, just to be on the safe side.