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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/16/21

Sorry for spending so much time on the Li’l Sparky subplot in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith this week! In my defense, it’s the most interesting thing to happen in this strip in years, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s interesting in some absolute, objective sense. Anyway, one effect of this whole thing is that we’re learning that the animals in this strip, including the chickens, are sapient, which really adds a layer of horror to all the jokes about Snuffy stealing chickens, to murder and eat. Today we see that the chickens are attempting to teach themselves the STEM skills necessary to rise up against their human oppressors, only for Li’l Sparky, who probably doesn’t worry too much about being eaten and is thus happy to cape for the H. sapiens regime, to bust up their revolutionary education project.

Blondie, 1/16/21

Man, when the police start investigating who in the neighborhood knew Elmo planned to run off and join the “hobo lifestyle,” there are going to be some awkward questions for Dagwood, huh?

Beetle Bailey, 1/16/21

WELP IT’S NOW OFFICIAL BEETLE BAILEY CANON THAT GENERAL HALFTRACK PISSES AND/OR SHITS HIMSELF ON THE REGULAR, I DON’T LIKE THE BURDEN OF THIS KNOWLEDGE ANY MORE THAN YOU DO BUT WE ALL HAVE IT NOW AND WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT

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Beetle Bailey, 1/11/21

I refuse to believe that Beetle and Sarge are watching PBS or that Camp Swampy shells out for premium cable, so I’m left to assume that nobody at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC knows that you can pause streaming video.

Blondie, 1/11/21

“Did I think you looked goofy? Well, the two of us are, what, 40? 45? Not much older than that, surely, which means that when I saw you wearing bell-bottomed jeans it was the mid ’90s at the absolute earliest. So yes, I absolutely thought you looked goofy. Or wait, are you referring to JNCOs? Because those were exceptionally goofy.”

Pluggers, 1/11/21

Speaking of the shift of cultural signifiers over time, I feel like either Pluggers or I have absolutely lost the thread. Wearing shorts when there’s snow on the ground, usually on a day where it’s unseasonably pleasant but still “cold” by any objective standard, is something I associate strongly with my college days and therefore Gen X generally, which means that [checks Wikipedia for generally accepted dates for beginning of Generation X, subtracts from 2020] oh my GOD no, no, please, absolutely not

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Mary Worth, 1/6/20

Good lord, these two unmarried persons are loitering together … within touching distance … at the mall … without their dogs being there as chaperones? Like a pair of whores? I certainly hope Mary doesn’t hear about this, or they’ll return to Charterstone to find their pathetical belongings piled up on the curb!

Pluggers, 1/6/20

In big cities and small villages, most elderly people can walk to the store for basic errands, or take public transportation, so they can live independently even when they’re no longer able to drive a car. But in modern America’s increasingly socially atomized and sprawling suburbs, many must resort to offering sexual favors just so they can leave their subdivision and access basic services. Sad!

Beetle Bailey, 1/6/20

My initial thought reading this was that there’s no circumstance where you get a phone call saying “We have detected a problem with your computer, send us your password and we’ll fix it” and the caller isn’t a scam artist, but then I realized that this strip still falls under today’s “eldersex” heading, because the reason nobody can fix the General’s computer is all the extremely dodgy porn sites he looks at.

Curtis, 1/6/20

I judge this year’s Kwanzaa storyline to be pretty good based on the freaky animal factor alone, though it has wrapped up with the somewhat banal conclusion of “the real magic is friendship, and also listening to good advice.” It’s also wrapped up on a … Wednesday? … so I hope that we at least get a few days of Curtis complaining about the story’s initial premise failing to pay off in truly weird fashion.