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Beetle Bailey, 8/14/19

The thing I like so much about today’s Beetle Bailey is how furious Major Greenbrass looks as General Halftrack delivers the punchline. I have to assume that he saw Halftrack set up the sign on his desk and asked about it, only to have the general say he’d explain once they got on the course. “This?” the major’s face says. “I waited that entire car ride over for this?”

Marvin, 8/14/19

Man, say what you will about all the excrement and urine content Marvin puts us through, but at least we can be thankful that we weren’t subjected to Marvin’s parents talking about sex in what I’m quite sure was an extremely unpleasant manner.

Pluggers, 8/14/19

“Pluggers used to love getting smashed, but now they gotta let a doctor put a camera up their butthole to make sure they’re not dying” sure is a mood for the middle of the week, am I right, folks? Let’s all just sit quietly here for a moment, plugger and non-plugger alike, and think about what the future, or maybe even the present, has in store for us.

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Mary Worth, 7/28/19

Hey, Hugo, “joie de vivre” is a phrase, not a “saying,” first of all, and you know what? We do have that phrase in the English language, and it’s “joie de vivre”! Because English just incorporates whatever words and phrases it wants from other languages, and then English speakers use them in day-to-day conversation, so they become part of English! Coup d’etat? Deja vu? Those are English now! Our language grows and changes because we don’t have a government-appointed commission trying to keep it pure, like French does! And that’s why we’re number one! [gets a chant started to the rhythm of “USA USA”] ANGLOPHONES! ANGLOPHONES! ANGLOPHONES!

Beetle Bailey, 7/28/19

What’s your pick for the most unsettling part about this fantasy Beetle has about being unable to escape the drudgery of Army life even after death? To me, it’s the fact that, even though he and Miss Buxley are married indicating this is in some indefinite future, he seems to have died at more or less the same age he is now, not when he was old or anything. What did he die of? What did he die of???

Panel from The Lockhorns, 7/28/19

“It’s ridiculous! There’s no context where ‘hard time’ designates a length of time! It’s a reference to how you spend your time, or where (like in prison). This isn’t clever wordplay at all! It’s just a confusing non sequitur and you need to cut it out.”

Dennis the Menace, 7/28/19

So, uh, Dennis got into a fistfight with a kid up the street! Like, I’m not even sure if I have joke to make here but I feel like it’s worth bringing to your attention. He punched that kid right in the face!

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Family Circus, 7/9/19

I gotta say, if Jeffy had his usual facial expression of moronic joy as he said this particular darndest thing, I would’ve scrolled past this panel without a second thought. But his heavy-lidded cynical look here really drew me into this scenario. I’m imagining him talking to Dolly very sarcastically. “Oh, are there butter saucers, too? How far are you willing to take this metaphor? It’s typical you don’t have the courage of your convictions on this.”

Beetle Bailey, 7/9/19

Where do you suppose Sarge went between these two panels? Do you think he saw one of the privates under his command — one of the men who he’s been charged with molding into a warrior who will fight to the death to defend our nation’s honor — just waving his tongue around, eyes closed, slobbering everywhere, and decided to take a long walk and think about his choices? Maybe he’ll finally follow up on that offer he got to join ISIS. Couldn’t be much worse!