Archive: Bizarro

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Blondie, 9/10/24

Dagwood demands that the dietary preferences of the majority be enforced on all through the power of the State. Today I learned Dagwood is literally Hitler. And here I always thought it was that guy over in Marmaduke.

Between Friends, 9/10/24

Torn between the listless advances of her French boss Jean here and the ambiguous affections of her ex Steve back home, Slut Friend Maeve resolves to make something happen. This being Between Friends, it’s far more likely to involve shoes than sex.

Six Chix, 9/10/24

The next time you’re on deadline for a blog post, trust me you do not want to go Googling “What does Godzilla eat?” or “Do pigs have souls?” But if you’re ever in Decatur Indiana, make it a point to check out Soul Pig: it’s got four and a half stars on TripAdvisor! I’ve read all the Yelp reviews, and apparently their smoked ham is delicious! Now what was it I was supposed to be doing…?

Bizarro, 9/10/24

Airport Security: “Arbitrary, opaque bureaucratic intrusions or world-historical cruelty and oppression? Make up your mind, buddy, you’re holding up the line!”
Me: “I’m thinking, I’m thinking!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/24

♭♪ “Sit on, Truck Tyler, sit on!” ♮♬


—Uncle Lumpy

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Bizarro, 8/17/24

Hey, have you heard of the concept of “burial at sea?” Well, get this, what if there’s a sort of cool party guy — you know, the kind who wears Hawaiian shirts on the regular — who spends a lot of time in hot tubs, and so he requests a “burial at jacuzzi?” Would be pretty funny, right? Not clear if he means his private home jacuzzi, or the one in his condo complex, or just some random jacuzzi in a hotel or gym somewhere, but it would a pretty funny concept if you dumped this guy’s corpse into it, and it slowly bloated and rotted there, and some poor soul stumbled upon it days later, discovering a jacuzzi that has now been turned into an awful soup full of human guts … wait, no, did I say funny? I meant horrible! It would be horrible! Did we already do a cartoon about this, based on the premise from earlier in the paragraph, when it seemed more innocent and carefree? We did? And you’re saying it’s published in newspapers for God and everyone to see? Ah shit ah shit!

Mary Worth, 8/17/24

Oh yeah, also Dr. Ed proposed to Estelle or whatever, which I haven’t bothered talking about because it’s just been two solid weeks of talking about how much they love each other without any hint of upcoming dramatic conflict of any kind. Today, we finally get a glimpse at what an actual story might hold: is it possible that Ed and Estelle are going to be spending too much time together? She already works for him (without pay!) so maybe the scam-prone Estelle is being pulled into a little two-person cult from which she won’t be able to escape. Remember, the court can’t force a wife to testify against her husband for various animal-related crimes, the way it could force a nephew to testify against his uncle!

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Curtis, 8/6/24

Oh, you don’t think Curtis is cyber-savvy? Well, have you ever seen anyone post on a social media … in trinary numbers before?

Gasoline Alley, 8/6/24

“Anonymous,” huh? Wait a minute…

OH MY GOD

Gil Thorp, 8/6/24

Hey guys, you wanna see a guy hitting a golf ball? Today’s Gil Thorp is for you, my friends!

Bizarro, 8/6/24

What if an ape … wanted to have a job? Really makes you think, huh?