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Archive: Blondie

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Doesn’t say anything about pants, just sayin’

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Six Chix, 3/17/24

I caused a bit controversy last year when I said that I found the idea of eternal punishment morally objectionable. Still, no matter what your take on that opinion, I think we can all agree nobody deserves to suffer an infinite afterlife of physical torture just because they didn’t live up to some heavenly dress code that isn’t documented anywhere. Do you enjoy sleeping in the nude? Did you have a fatal heart attack in your sleep? Sorry, hope you enjoy having your guts pulled out by demons every day forever, because that’s what you’re getting!

Blondie, 3/17/24

Speaking of eternal torment, you have to assume Dagwood is trying to get fired at this point, right? There’s no way you change “$5,000,000” to “$4,999,500” on accident. Sorry Dagwood, you are still going have to keep working for DithersCo forever, for your various crimes!

Family Circus, 3/17/24

Each of the scenarios everyone is visualizing is something realistic that almost certainly happened to them, so I’m going to assume that at some point, PJ was abandoned in the woods by his parents. I guess they didn’t drive far enough and he made it back? Anyway, the implication is that Jeffy, who’s imagining nothing, isn’t allowed outside the house at all, which is probably for the best.

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Friday fast ones

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Dick Tracy, 3/15/24

“Orphans are disgusting and deserve their fate! Can you imagine if we brought one into our home?”

Blondie, 3/15/24

“…he’d let Dag branch out into snack machine sales!” “Really!” “Ha ha! Yep! Say, if you had to put it into a few words, what would you say this company does? Do we sell snack machines? I’ve been working here for six months and I still don’t know, and that presentation didn’t clear it up.”

Rhymes With Orange, 3/15/24

Hey, everyone! You ever fantasized about shitting out the back of a moving car? Well, today’s comics are here to tell you: you are normal. Congrats!

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Ahh, the famously sleepy comics characters. Gang’s all here

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Blondie, 3/14/24

Dagwood Bumstead’s inhumanly vast appetite is so well known that it obscures one of his other unnatural qualities — namely, his ability to nap anywhere, at any time. As a middle-aged man like Dagwood, every time I see him in his traditional couch-sleeping position I think about how I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with my knees bent up like that for more than few minutes, let alone the hours we’re supposed understand he spends snoozing. Normally he’s in that position because his couch is too short for him to stretch out, so it actually really bothers me that his imagination can’t summon up a couch long enough to fit him, Beetle, and Garfield alike, even thought I know the reason why (the reason is clip art). Thankfully, this base level of annoyance is stopping me from trying mentally rotate Beetle into a position that would demonstrate how very much not the same size he and Dagwood are.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/14/24

Look at the bear’s face! It’s not “dancing” at all. Any bear-themed entertainment aimed at an audience of bloodthirsty Vikings is absolutely going to end with the bear eviscerating its poor “dance partner,” just like the “dancing school” Hagar attended was actually the Viking war band that plundered half of Europe, where he learned his skills in the “dance” of combat before killing his chieftain and taking his place.

Pardon My Planet, 3/14/24

I guess I can imagine that some people who showed up to an advertised “slugfest” would be disappointed if the fighters were not ordinary human beings, but rather freakish ten-foot-long slug-beasts of a kind unknown to science. But I think most of them would be OK with it.