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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/11/25

Oh, I’m sorry, did you find the recent week’s worth of Rex Morgan, M.D., Characters Talking On The Phone boring? Well, did it ever occur to you that they found it boring too, and it’s actually really hard and stressful on them to be in this strip? Thank goodness Summer gets to take a break from the relentless changes in facial expression and hand position demanded of her and can now spend three panels blissfully staring out into space.

Pluggers, 1/11/25

I like this one because you could read it as Chicken-Lady just now taking the tree down … or just now putting it up. “I mean, it’s a full five days after Epiphany! But I guess I should put the star up there just to finish the job.”

Slylock Fox, 1/11/25

I’m sorry, I don’t believe any iteration of that child caught a fish bigger than himself. I think he’s just trying to sabotage this guy’s dating profile pic. He’s right to do it! Guys like to post fish pics but women don’t like ’em!! You’re dodging a bullet, buddy!

Blondie, 1/11/25

You foolish children! X-eyes don’t denote sleepiness! Don’t you understand what you’ve done? That snowman is dead! [starts sobbing uncontrollably] He’s dead! He’ll never wake up.

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Blondie, 1/4/25

Yes, I still read the newspaper comics strip Blondie every day, and I actually learn things from it! For instance, Herb saying “mega-horsepower” made me wonder if horsepower is in fact part of the overall International System of Units and can take prefixes like “mega”. Turns out it isn’t; horsepower measures the same thing as watts, although there is a slight difference between metric horsepower (735.5 watts) and imperial horsepower (745.7 watts). It also turns out that a typical snowblower is rated around 5 horsepower, so if we take Herb literally, his new toy has a power output about 3 million times greater than that. Dagwood would not be comically encrusted with snow by it; instead, he and his entire suburban neighborhood would’ve been vaporized instantly the moment Herb turned it on. Sorry if this offends but I must tell the cold, hard truth about the physics involved here.

Gil Thorp, 1/4/25

I have to admit that pleading “But I’m the voice of Milford sports!” is very funny, in terms of ways to defend yourself for getting in trouble for being gin-drunk on the job. Anyway, like all the damned souls toiling in new media, the primary metric on which Marty is judged professionally is going viral, and you’d think going on the air intoxicated would be a good way to do that, but based on his facial expression in the final panel I’m guessing he did it in a very depressing way, not a fun way.

Family Circus, 1/4/24

Billy admits it! He and the other Keane Kids aren’t “real people,” but are instead soulless abominations who should not be walking this earth. “Jeffy,” says Jeffy’s shirt, desperately trying to distract you from the fact that he is a Thing that does not deserve a name.

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Judge Parker, 12/23/24

Aw, isn’t that nice? Sam is going to let Alan enjoy the holidays and wait until the new year until he yells at him for sheltering his criminal daughter. Personally speaking, I’d like to get it out of the way now, you know? No worse way to spend the holiday then dwelling on “Ah, what kind of pissy scold am I going to get from Sam Driver about my latest criminal antics” when I could be exchanging gifts with my family or getting drunk or whatever.

Blondie, 12/23/24

Look, I’m not afraid to say it: A giant stocking stuffed full with cookies and two kinds of meat sounds disgusting. It’s all going to get mixed together and lint from the stocking will stick to everything! I’m not a food snob by any stretch of the imagination but Dagwood’s whole deal is very gross.

Gasoline Alley, 12/23/24

Santa, famously, sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. To this list of surveillance crimes, add another: every time somebody gives birth, anywhere in the world, he’s watching. He’s watching … and he remembers. He remembers everything.