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Funky Winkerbean, 9/30/12

So there’s a dismal, pouring rain, and the daughters upon whom Les and Cayla have lavished all their energy over the past 18 years have moved away, and even the things that should be joyful to look forward to are just looming, anxiety-inducing projects that must be tackled with grim determination and will inevitably fail in some meaningful way. Cayla begs for death. (“No, Josh, don’t be silly, ‘just shoot me’ is an over-the-top way of acknowledging life’s little difficulties, if we just look at her face we’ll be able to tell that she’s jokOH DEAR GOD THERE ISN’T ENOUGH PROZAC IN THE WORLD FOR THIS POOR POOR WOMAN”)

Blondie, 9/30/12

I guess this is supposed to be making fun of Facebook users, but I think a sure-fire way to get more people to sign up would be an ad that said “Facebook: For when you need to minimize awkward in-person interactions with jackasses like Iggy Sorenson.”

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Apartment 3-G, 9/29/12

Oh, man, it looks like Apartment 3-G is just going to keep on getting sexier, only by sexy we unfortunately mean “’70s French sex farce where people keep barging in on each other and otherwise having comical misunderstandings sexy” rather than “actually sexy.” Didn’t Margo have a receptionist at some point earlier in this storyline? She doesnt seem to be doing a particularly good job. Greg, meanwhile, is showing that, you know, MFF, MMF, whatever, if it’s a threesome he wants in.

Blondie, 9/29/12

Haha, Blondie wants no part of growing old with Dagwood! The only question now is what route she’s taking out of this marriage: divorce, murder, or murder-suicide.

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Gil Thorp, 8/30/12

Say, did you hear the one about the one-armed golfer? He was the subject of this summer’s Gil Thorp storyline, which turned out to not be that interesting! Wrapping up briefly: we learned that One-Armed Steve was full of rage because he did in fact lose his arm in a non-heroic fashion (car accident while on a military base overseas), and his attempts to woo Molly Kinsella failed not because he was an amputee but because he’s a grown man and she’s still in high school, gross. But all that psychic pain was nothing a little match play couldn’t cure, so Steve got cleaned up and has learned to love life again. So instead of getting a real job and getting back on his feet, he’s going to become yet another Milford community member offering the high school no-cost coaching services! It’s a win for everyone, but mostly for Gil.

And now our fall drama is taking shape! Anita Visci is taking cookies to her new neighbor … who refers to them as “biscuits,” which means that she’s English, probably! Will her son refuse to play decent American football and instead demand equal time for his British freak sports, like rugby or cricket or punting? Will Maeve take the pram to the lift on the telly in the boot or whatever? Stay tuned!

Family Circus, 8/30/12

Ha ha, yes, we all know little kids all over this great country of ours will be glued to the tube for the next couple of weeks, thrilling to the minutia of parliamentary procedure! Actually, this cartoon is kind of dating itself, as the last presidential nominating convention where there was realistic suspense about how things would go on the first ballot was (I think) in 1980, so maybe kids were smarter then?

Blondie, 8/30/12

Dagwood has gone through all the trouble of baking a pizza in an oven, and yet he’s still leaving his hat on while he eats. I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does.