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Ziggy and Blondie, 7/9/08

I’m not sure which of these two diner-themed comics is more unsettling. Most of the kids today are wholly unfamiliar with castor oil, except as an abstract thing that characters in classic Warner Brothers cartoon are comically terrified of having forced upon them, so let me be the first to tell you that it’s a laxative. Is “Mom” implying that her meatloaf is essentially an enormous colon plug, and that Ziggy’s GI tract thus needs to be prepared if he wants to survive the experience of eating it? Or is she just maternally handing out folk remedies that don’t meet FDA approval to total strangers, seeing as her children have cut off contact with her as a result of their emotionally-scarring diarrhea-plagued childhood?

An even more sinister possibility: in fascist Italy, paramilitaries would often force-feed castor oil to political dissidents as a means of intimidation, so it’s possible that Mom is a war criminal on the run.

Blondie is somewhat more straightforward, as amoral food addict Dagwood looks eager to devour the hashed up remains of some poor hobo.

Mary Worth, 7/9/08

See how easy it is to break up with someone when you don’t know how to feel? Dr. Jeff “Emo” Corey, take note.

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Blondie, 6/4/08

Wait … is Dagwood supposed to be an office manager? Is … is that the joke? Because he often deals with “accounts” and makes presentations to clients for Dithers Enterprises, which isn’t something that office managers do, I don’t think. Or is he just taking offense at criticism of lazy incompetents on general principles? Or does he find it hard to relax because his co-chatter is talking about work? DAMN IT DAGWOOD YOU BROUGHT IT UP.

Anyway, I refuse to believe that Dagwood would just be spending time on random chat rooms. If he were to frequent any Web site, I’m pretty sure that it would be this.

Luann, 6/3/08

Comics about Brad’s sex life: Distasteful.

Comics about Brad’s fetishistic shaving-based sex life: NGGGNGGGNGNGH

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Slylock Fox, 5/25/08

At last, Count Weirdly has hit upon a sinister plan that’s actually sinister, not just irritating: dropping Max and a bevy of decoy robo-Maxes out of the bomb bay of his WeirdlyJet! I don’t even want to imagine the dumber-vs.-dumbest adventure that must have led up to Max’s capture. Fortunately, Weirdly has forgotten the tails on his Maxdroids, because otherwise they are identical to the real thing in every respect — including their no doubt helpless mewling as they plummet to their deaths, and bowler hats that remain firmly in place, in violation of the laws of physics.

The sickest part, for me, is the vulture sitting on the WeirdlyJet’s nose, presumably waiting for Max to hit the ground with a splat so he can enjoy some lunch.

Meanwhile, over in the Six Differences, I like the happy expression on the frog’s face, as he silently salutes his crocodile brother, striking a blow for cold-blooded creatures against their mammalian oppressors.

Blondie, 5/25/08

I’m kind of charmed by Dagwood’s terrified retreat that finally leaves him standing in the empty bathtub, his last place of refuge (occasional incursions from his boss notwithstanding). I also like the fact that Daisy has followed the bickering couple upstairs, wearing a terrified expression that says “Why are male-person-who-feeds-me and female-person-who-feeds-me fighting? Why? Will this affect the frequency with which I’m fed?”

Dennis the Menace, 5/25/08

Gee, when it comes to questions about his past military service, Mr. Wilson seems to be protesting a little too much, complete with his trademarked creepy single bead of sweat. Is it possible that this whole “flat feet” story is just a front (after all, he did walk a mail route for thirty years) and that George Wilson was just too much of a coward to fight the Nazis/the Hun/the Spanish Menace/however the hell old he’s supposed to be?

Sally Forth, 5/25/08

My, the shape of Ted’s squirt gun certainly is … suggestive.