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Blondie, 10/7/23

As a rule, I try to keep my contact with young people to an absolute minimum, so maybe I’m wrong, but it’s not really normal for a kid to wander around the neighborhood in full football getup, helmet and pads and ball included, right? I mean, it’s the year 2023, children are hypersupervised and they don’t wander around the neighborhood and talk to non-relative adults period, so I guess we have to understand that this strip just takes place in a world of visual signification that gives us information about the characters and setting but isn’t meant to be interpreted literally. Like, for instance, it’s important that we know that Elmo is on the team, so this whole discourse is really more self-loathing than insulting.

Dennis the Menace, 10/7/23

You know, I often make fun of Dennis not being menacing, or claim that he’s being menacing in ways that aren’t the intended reading of the text, but today’s panel is just Dennis being a mean little shit to his long-suffering neighbor and I’m here for it. Not sure what scenario I like better: that Dennis walked into the Wilsons’ house already holding that plate and chewing on cake, smacking his lips and talking about how delicious it is, or if he wheedled Mrs. Wilson into making it for him and has spent the last half hour watching Mr. Wilson squirm.

Hi and Lois, 10/7/23

Man, look how happy Thirsty is! It’s fun and cool to go through life as a perpetually buzzed liar, and Hi looks sad because he knows he doesn’t have the guts to do it.

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Blondie, 10/4/23

Look, I’m not going to say that this guy is a spitting image rendition of Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men, but his hair is weird in a way that’s kind of adjacent to the way Bardem’s hair was weird in that movie, and Chigurh’s whole gimmick was that he would make people flip a coin and if they lost he would kill them? Which seems like a strange thing to reference in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie but, you know, they gotta make hundreds of these a year, eventually they’re gonna get strange with it. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, RIP Blondie Bumstead (1930-2023), you taught me that it was OK to be a flapper who marries above your class.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/4/23

“You’re on my list! My list of people I’m going to convince to turn themselves in to the cops and sign over valuable intellectual property to me. I’m back and I’m badder than ever! Plus I have mind powers now!”

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Mary Worth, 10/2/23

Do you think Mary aggressively pesters new Charterstone residents to accept her casserole-based hospitality because she wants them to feel welcome? Oh, you sweet summer child. No, her main goal is to get inside their apartment and engage them in seemingly casual chit-chat to see if either reveals a potential entry point for hard-core meddling. A lot of times it doesn’t work out, but do you sees Mary’s eyes here?

Normally that’s the kind of expression you’d expect when seeing an addict in the throes of a high after taking a big hit of their favorite drug, and in a way you’re correct. Mary is straight-up mainlining a surprise dose of Complicated Family Situation That May Benefit From Advice From An Outside Party, and I hope her heart can handle it.

Blondie, 10/2/23

Sorry, Blondie, you came so close to convincing me that you’re created by “real Americans” who enjoy NFL football, but then you got to “unemployment team” and your metaphor completely foundered. If one of your players sucks, you can just cut them from the team! You don’t have to trade them to anybody! If they’re as incompetent as Dagwood, probably no other team would want them!

The Lockhorns, 10/2/23

Leroy and Loretta live in a quintessential suburban neighborhood, but given Leroy’s Jets fandom and rail commute, I always assumed they were in Long Island, probably an older tract in Nassau County or maybe even outer Queens. Does this track with him apparently being a Nets fan? I was going to say that the Nets are kind of johnny-come-latelies to New York, but they moved from New Jersey 11 years ago, and since I firmly believe that the Lockhorns are millennials, that’s probably plenty long enough for Leroy to have committed himself to them. I’ll leave the final call here to New York-area readers, but I do want to add that in order for this joke to really land, we need to understand those shorts as being the big baggy kind that extend well past the knee, something difficult to depict on a gnomish creature like Leroy Lockhorn.

Pluggers, 10/2/23

They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity, but I think headlines like “Dozens of simple, down-home working-class Americans die after incorrectly parsing Pluggers panel” will not do this feature any favors.

Six Chix, 10/2/23

I dunno, given that these two functionally identical panels have a number of differences in detail showing that the second panel was mostly redrawn, I’m going to say that artist brought far more of herself to the job today than she really needed to.