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Shoe, 9/22/23

Perfesser Cosmo Fishhawk is, according to the (alarmingly detailed) table in the Shoe Wikipedia page, an osprey, and ospreys, according to the (about as detailed as you’d expect) osprey Wikipedia page, sight their prey “when the osprey is 10–40 m (33–131 ft) above the water, after which the bird hovers momentarily and then plunges feet first into the water.” So it seems kind of odd that the Perfesser would be scared to skydive, though I guess he gets most of his sustenance from Roz’s diner and mindlessly eating potato chips in front of the TV, so maybe he’s just really out of practice.

Blondie, 9/22/23

Sometimes Dagwood is portrayed in this strip as a true gourmand, someone who, while not being a food snob by any means, has strong and nuanced opinions about different restaurants, dishes, and cuisines. And other times he’s just portrayed as being an indiscriminate glutton who’ll gobble down whatever’s put in front of him, unable to distinguish the delicious from the disgusting. So you may be wondering: is it a terrible burden, caring more about consistent characterizations in newspaper comic strips than any of the people actually producing them do? And I can tell you that yes, yes it is.

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Blondie, 9/21/23

Way back in 2006 — which, I take no pleasure in reporting, was a full 17 years ago — there was a weird rash of syndicated newspaper comic strips doing jokes about how crazy it was that people would actually pay extra for distressed jeans. This was not exactly fresh material even then, but that didn’t stop They’ll Do It Every Time (RIP) and Six Chix and Pluggers and Curtis from making hay out of it. Normally I’d cruelly mock Blondie for being close to two decades late on this trend, but I do have to grudgingly respect the fact that instead of just laughing at this hot youth trend, Dagwood and Blondie are instead figuring out how to profit from it, like the innovators they are.

Marvin, 9/21/23

I genuinely kind of love that Jenny has the same bright smile in both the first and third panels of this comic. They even didn’t have a fight or anything! Instead she had the extremely freeing experience of hearing her spouse’s opinion and realizing she just didn’t care about it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/21/23

Look, Rex Morgan, M.D., has one (1) recurring bad guy, so I’m going to need more evidence before I believe that he’s been brought to a state of blubbering catharsis by having his own pop-psychology scam repeated back to him by a roots country star. It seems more likely to me that, despite his understandable desire to get the money he’s owed, he’s been overcome by a similarly understandable desire to not hang around with these two drips anymore and sees a sudden change of heart/personality as a good opportunity to leave this scene behind him.

Mary Worth, 9/21/23

What do you guys think is in the bag, huh? A human head? It’s a human head, right? [everyone starts pounding rhythmically on the table] HU! MAN! HEAD! HU! MAN! HEAD!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/19/23

Sadly, due to the free availability of firearms and ongoing unchecked clan warefare, PTSD is endemic among the population of Hootin’ Holler.

Pluggers, 9/19/23

I’m not usually one to praise the art in Pluggers, but I think this panel is pretty evocative of an aging beast-man who, in a moment of solemn reflection, realizes he is slouching in only one direction now, and that direction will see him grow smaller and smaller until he ceases to be altogether.

Blondie, 9/19/23

That’s right, everyone! Please don’t stop subscribing to print newspapers, even though that’s how you learn about all the crazy stuff going on in the world today. Because without a newspaper, there’s no other way for you to read the comics! [Aide whispers something in my ear] Oh NO