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Hi and Lois, 8/29/23

Look, I’m just a simple city boy who’s always had his trash collected by a municipal service department, and I don’t understand the wily ways of suburbia with its advanced public-private partnerships and such. That’s why the relationship between Hi and his garbagemen has always puzzled me, as it’s often implied that he’s paying them directly in some way? I always assumed they were contracted by his HOA or something, but now that I find out that it’s actually some kind of anarcho-capitalist situation where different suppliers compete for dominance both by offering superior service for better prices and by using violence to intimidate or eliminate their competitors, I have to admit that I’m a lot more interested.

Blondie, 8/29/23

If you’ve read this blog long enough, you know that inside me are two wolves: one that gripes “Ugh, this long-running legacy comic has been beating the same joke into the ground for decades” and the other that gripes “Wait, this is out of character! Why isn’t this long-running legacy comic strip character using one of the beloved jokes he’s been doing for decades?” Anyway, today the second wolf has triumphed, and I have to say I’m disappointed that the punchline here is “Ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if men liked reality TV?” rather than the reveal being that Dagwood was watching America’s Next Top Sandwich or The Real Sandwiches Of Beverly Hills or Love Is Blind And Also They Eat Sandwiches or something.

Dennis the Menace, 8/29/23

Alice shaming her son for not having any friends to play with? A rare menace reversal here.

Dick Tracy, 8/29/23

“A real piece of shit. We all wanted him dead and whoever did this to him should get a medal. Frankly I’m pretty furious the coroner called you down here. Nobody in this locker room is going to testify at trial.”

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Dick Tracy, 8/23/23

Hey! Remember, Sprocket Nitrate, the ancillary Dick Tracy character whose whole deal is she goes around barefoot all the time? Well, we’ve heard that some of you foot sickos are getting a little too turned on by this, so for this plotline we’re having her walk through a dirty old abandoned train tunnel, which you shouldn’t find arousing at all, but rather unpleasant and distressing! [An aide whispers some information about the sort of thing foot sickos are into in my ear] What? Oh NO

Blondie, 8/23/23

Ha ha, you guys heard about the “texting” these kids do today? You heard about these fancy new “cell phones”? Oh, you have? You say that 90 percent of Americans had cell phones 10 years ago? But if that’s true, why would a comic strip in the year of our lord 2023 be doing a joke like this? Huh, how do you explain that, smart guy?

Marvin, 8/23/23

I’m not sure if I personally have done something to offend an ancient spirit or powerful magic user, or if rather a curse attached itself my bloodline in generations past, but I have made peace with the fact that I am fated to inform you, my hapless readers, every time the newspaper comic strip Marvin does a joke where the whole thing is “Check it out! Piss and/or shit!” Anyway, here’s today’s Marvin.

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Marvin, 8/20/23

You well know that I do not consider the syndicated comic strip Marvin to be the pinnacle of sequential art, but today’s strip is even more shambolic than usual, its narrative completely falling apart upon the slightest examination. Why is Jeff’s work frenemy whose name you cannot make me retain or look up hanging out at his house, on a weekend, and why are they just standing around the living room while Jeff passive aggressively dicks around on his phone? Why has not-Jeff chosen to set up his “hilarious” prank by posing a series of seemingly earnest questions? Why would you buy a bunch of toilet paper on eBay, of all places? And why isn’t Marvin even here? Damn it, if you’re going to do a toilet paper joke in the comic strip Marvin, then Marvin (the character) should be involved.

Blondie, 8/20/23

This one drives me crazy for one specific reason, which is that Dithers mentions that he used the company 3-D printer to make his mini-Dithers homunculus. The whole scenario is pleasantly absurd without that fact, please do not make think about the mechanics of producing this thing or the business reasons why DithersCo might own a 3-D printer.

Dennis the Menace, 8/20/23

This one I have no complaints about. Is there anything more menacing than a child who needs more love and attention than you’re equipped to provide? Extremely dark, no notes.