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Dustin, 9/14/23

Apologies (?) for not showing you yesterday’s Dustin, which consisted of Dustin asking his dad to guess the global gross domestic product, and Dustin’s dad guessing $100 trillion when the actual answer was $102 trillion (according to the strip, anyway, but if you think I’m doing any research whatsoever to fact-check a gag in Dustin you are sorely mistaken), and there was some bemused discussion of how his guess was quite close in relative terms despite being off by $2 trillion, a very large sum when considered on its own. Anyway, this was annoying but not that annoying — certainly not that annoying by Dustin’s usual standards — so I didn’t bother talking about it here. But repeating the exact same “joke” today, with nothing new added other than a shuffle in the lineup of characters saying it? Well, that’s annoying enough to bring to your attention. If they try to get a whole week out of this concept, I’m going to be very annoyed indeed.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/23

See, if you’re going to do a themed week, you really need to follow the lead of The Lockhorns and do it with a real purity of purpose and tight focus. This week is apparently “Lockhorns anniversary week,” the theme of which is that Leroy and Loretta use the occasion to attack and belittle one another in anniversary-specific ways, as opposed to the more general ways in which they do it over the rest of the year.

Gil Thorp, 9/14/23

Wow, it looks like Toby and Rod really used their time in prison to sharpen their football skills, huh? This is going to send an important message to student-athletes everywhere: that the best way to get a leg up is to go to juvie where they’ll be forced to play football for the entertainment of a sadistic warden, so they need to do some crimes, but not crimes so serious that they get sent to adult prison, where the sadistic warden can only be entertained by no-holds-barred steel cage matches.

Blondie, 9/14/23

Love the way Elmo is solemnly making direct eye contact with the reader in the final panel here. This truly is an important lesson about school picture day that America’s children need to learn, which is why it’s so tragic that no children read Blondie.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/23

RENE THEY ARE ONLY TRYING TO PAY YOU THE MONEY YOU ARE OWED AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE CRIME AND THREATS WITH YOU

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Shoe, 9/13/23

A comic strip is such a condensed bit of storytelling that I generally think it should do one joke and and do it well. Today’s Shoe, for instance, should just lean into the fact that it’s doing a version of the well-worn “psychic fails to predict something that would actually have been quite helpful for them to know” bit or do something with in the fact that there’s a new psychic in town named “Claire Voyance.” “But Josh,” you’re probably saying, “‘Claire Voyance’ is an incredibly dumb and on-the-nose thing to name a psychic, I’m not sure how you’d squeeze anything funny out of that,” and you’re not wrong, but keep in mind that Shoe’s recurring psychic character, the one who’s featured in today’s strip, is named “Madame ZooDoo” for some reason, so you can see that the strip isn’t operating on a particularly high level to begin with.

The Lockhorns, 9/13/23

Man, I want to know about the chain of thought that led to Loretta hanging up a “Happy Anniversary” sign from Party City for a dinner of leftover orange goo and bright red wine. Normally I’d think this was set up to drop some kind of sick burn on Leroy, but instead it just made her an easy target, so I have to assume she just gave up, which is sad, honestly. You hate to see a great competitor in marital combat leave the arena.

Blondie, 9/13/12

It’s been a while since I watched the Weather Channel, but based on the general trajectory of basic cable channels, I very much would believe that America’s Greatest Weather Injuries is a big part of its lineup now. Gotta give the people what they want!

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Blondie, 9/9/23

Are you guys still playing Wordle? I am, and sorry if that isn’t cool anymore, I guess I just like having fun, but the reason I’m aware that it isn’t cool anymore (to the extent that it ever was) is because I know the game went viral in late 2021, which was more than a year and a half ago, which make it definitely not “new,” but I’m just an ordinary human man and not an ageless eternal character in a comic strip that’s been running since 1930, so the way I experience time is much, much different, I suppose. Anyway, do you think either of these guys, or any member of the Blondie brain trust, knows that there’s only one Wordle game per day, or that it’s available on more than one person’s phone?

Gil Thorp, 9/9/23

Look, I’ve generally been supportive of Henry Barajas’s moves to update this strip, but I draw the line at adding a mutant X-Man who’s impervious to heat to the Valley Tech roster.

Six Chix, 9/9/23

Did you know that Little Free Library®, a thing that I assumed had been born from an ethos of radical sharing and openness, is actually a registered trademark? I myself did not! Also, did you know that your local Little Free Library® is a good place to go pick up women? I’m really learning a lot today.

Dennis the Menace, 9/9/23

“You know what would really help with that? A car seat! But my parents don’t care about the law, or whether we live or die.”