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Archive: Blondie

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The God of Crock is capricious, and bad at drawing

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Crock, 9/22/22

I know in my heart that this strip is 10-15 years old and started off with just “commercial” in the punchline but then at the last minute the writer realized “Wait, what are commercials on the internet called? Pop-up ads?” But I’d like to believe that the leader of the Lost Patrol here truly had a transcendent moment where his soul communed directly with the Divine, an experience he can only use imperfect human language to describe to his men. Was it like watching something on television, or maybe looking at something on the computer? Well, a little of both, but so much more. (Also, there was advertising.)

Blondie, 9/22/22

I make a lot of jokes on this blog along the lines of “Why does Dagwood hang out so much with Elmo, an 8-year-old child that he’s not related to?”, but the answer is pretty simple: there’s a lot of things he can only share with Elmo, things he can’t even talk to his wife about. Not sure why anyone would have a problem with that!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/22/22

OK, now I’m sorry I ever made fun of this strip for relenting on the darkness, please, it’s only Thursday, I don’t want to see this guy jerking off to those corpse pics in the Sunday strip, let’s ratchet back, let’s ratchet back

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By Friday someone had better either be terminally ill or so healthy they have superpowers

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/15/22

Ah, good news, everybody! It looks like Andrzej and Tildy may have had some health scares, but they’re on the mend and all this drama has brought them closer together. It’s a perfect ending to the week as we look forward to seeing what new story begins on Monday, and [looks at calendar]. Oh. Um. Well, I hope everyone is excited to see two old people sitting quietly and watching the the 1930 Cooper/Dietrich film Morocco in a hospital room for the next six days!

Gil Thorp, 8/15/22

I’ve made many, many jokes over the years about how the Thorps’ kids have been memory holed. The strip’s new writer is bringing them back, though, and in their very first appearance is letting us know why they’ve been gone so long: they suck. A bratty teen and a little tattletale! Who’d want a get a Christmas card with pictures of these losers on it? Certainly not me!

Blondie, 8/15/22

A thing about this strip that makes me sad is that in the third panel you can just see that the gas station where the Bumsteads are filling up is called “Gooney Gas.” That’s a solid goofy Blondie business name and it deserves better than to be crammed in between two word balloons in such small type that it’s probably illegible in newspapers. Is there a Gooney Gas mascot? A bizarre slogan on par with “Say — then pay!”? America demands a full exploration of this intriguing corner of the Blondieverse!

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Camp Swampy’s first court martial is truly going to surprise everybody

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Blondie, 8/8/22

The non-Dagwood, non-Herb members of Dagwood’s carpool are named “Dwitzell” and “Claudia,” and any and all attempts to give them inner or indeed outer lives have failed to stick with me, but I do like that Claudia is on the record as not liking the phrase “hot enough for you.” Yes, it’s hot, but that doesn’t mean you have to resort to such vile cliches! To me, she has now become by far the most sympathetic character in the comic strip Blondie, which was actually pretty easy because I honestly couldn’t tell you which if any of the other characters I found particularly sympathetic.

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/22

Dennis is trying a real baller menace move here: to destroy Mr. Wilson emotionally by offering up himself — his neighbor’s most hated nemesis — as a substitute for the grandchildren the Wilsons never had. It’s a swing and a miss, though. George Wilson has never felt affection for another human being and never will! You’re the one who’s shown weakness here today, Dennis, and you will live to regret it!

Beetle Bailey, 8/8/22

OH MY GOD EVEN DOGS ARE STEALING VALOR NOW, WHAT HAS THIS COUNTRY COME TO