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Blondie, 3/10/23

Newspaper comics version of horseshoe theory: when new-look Mark Trail and eternally old-look Blondie come to the same position on cryptocurrency and the blockchain.

Gasoline Alley, 3/10/23

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley, but it absolutely nails the experience of having a long, rambling, irritating conversation with an old person that goes nowhere.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/10/23

In terms of “comic strip wives that might be interested in a three-way,” I wouldn’t have put Helga at the top of the list, but to be honest I wouldn’t have put her at the bottom either.

Hi and Lois, 3/10/23

I’ve never had a large enough home to be blessed with my own man cave; are they for … masturbating? Is that what you guys are doing in there? Jerking off? That’s sure what I’m getting from today’s Hi and Lois!

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Blondie, 3/8/23

I’m intrigued here by the transition from light to dark between panels two and three — how much time has elapsed, and what conversation, if any, filled it? I’d like to believe that Blondie lay there in silence as Dagwood nattered on about his fantasy fashion empire, only to let loose this sick burn as she was dozing off, just in time to ruin her husband’s whole night.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/8/23

I recently learned that only a few specialized cells actually survive the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly, with the entire rest of its body dissolved into goo within the cocoon to serve as food for the growing adult insect. Anyway, just in case you thought you had handle on the kind of awful body horror that would be required to effect Tater’s nightmare vision in reality, I’m here to tell you that you really don’t, actually.

Shoe, 3/8/23

“It was to protect them from the sun and the rain, as well as from all the dust the wagon kicked up as it moved over the plains. They may have lived in olden days, but they were no dummies!”

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/23

I have sadly accepted that we Slylock readers can never see past the horizon of whatever Event separates our human world from Slylock’s animal-ruled kingdom, but every once in a while we get a glimpse of a time quite close to it. Take today’s strip, for example. Now, this isn’t in the first heady post-revolutionary days, when statues of human heroes were torn down in spontaneous displays of victorious rage in front of cheering animal crowds. No, this is from the ensuing weeks or months, when those lesser H. sapiens culture heroes were methodically wiped from public spaces by the employees of the new regime. To these two dogs, the work has almost become routine at this point, but you have to imagine it was still satisfying.

Blondie, 2/25/23

OK, so … does Dagwood, and/or anyone involved in the production of the venerable syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie, know what “an offer he can’t refuse” means in The Godfather, the movie this classic line is from? It means you get someone to do what you want by threatening them with physical violence. In the movie, Don Corleone strongarms a Hollywood proudcer to cast his godson in a movie by cutting off his beloved horse’s head and putting it in the producer’s bed. So, in this scenario, Dagwood is upset that this car salesman isn’t going to use Daisy’s brutal murder and mutilation to convince him that he has no choice but to buy a BMW M8 coupe for considerably more than its $134,000 MSRP, I guess? I know Dagwood only watches westerns, but I feel like someone needs to tell him he’s treading into dangerous territory here.

Shoe and Zits, 2/25/23

Are taxes the mechanism by which a democratic society pools its wealth in order to provide public services? Or are they a literal crime imposed on sovereign citizens by tyrants? Today’s comics are here to bring you both sides of the story!