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Gearhead Gertie, 9/12/24

Those are legit NASCAR car‑and‑driver number flags. Of course they are; this is Gearhead Gertie. But if Gertie is a fan of more than a third of the field, can she really claim to be a fan at of any individual team? (Tip: don’t ever tell a NASCAR fan it’s not a team sport.) Does she even care who wins, or is she just there for the noise, fumes, and camaraderie? I also wonder about Gertie’s relationship with dashed‑pride‑guy there. Will they bond over their shared admiration of Josh Berry and Chase Elliott, or squabble over the merits of Kyle Busch and Harrison Burton?

Six Chix, 9/12/24

Use emojis to immunize yourself against the spontaneous laughter-induced buttockectomy that put this poor lady in the hospital. Or just read Six Chix every day and nip the problem in its bud.

Take It from the Tinkersons, 9/12/24

Once a year or so, this mostly joke‑a‑day strip veers wildly into over‑the‑top workplace dramedy. Ellen here is the new sales manager at Ed‑N‑Son Light Bulbs. She claims to be the twin of former sales manager and suspected serial killer Helen who, like many of her colleagues, disappeared under mysterious circumstances. But everybody assumes she’s really Helen and fears the worst.

Ted, facing an empty future hawking knockoff light bulbs in a shrinking market dominated by Big LED, embraces the risk. All things considered, suicide by proxy looks like the easy way out.

Blondie, 9/12/24

Dag, when you’re counting on Social Security and a pension from the J.C. Dithers Company for steady income, it just might be time to check out Powerball.

Rex Morgan, 9/12/24

Parker sits beside the seated Truck, who muses, “if only I had worn one of those newfangled finger helmets, I wouldn’t be sitting here today! And yet today here I sit!”

—Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 9/10/24

Dagwood demands that the dietary preferences of the majority be enforced on all through the power of the State. Today I learned Dagwood is literally Hitler. And here I always thought it was that guy over in Marmaduke.

Between Friends, 9/10/24

Torn between the listless advances of her French boss Jean here and the ambiguous affections of her ex Steve back home, Slut Friend Maeve resolves to make something happen. This being Between Friends, it’s far more likely to involve shoes than sex.

Six Chix, 9/10/24

The next time you’re on deadline for a blog post, trust me you do not want to go Googling “What does Godzilla eat?” or “Do pigs have souls?” But if you’re ever in Decatur Indiana, make it a point to check out Soul Pig: it’s got four and a half stars on TripAdvisor! I’ve read all the Yelp reviews, and apparently their smoked ham is delicious! Now what was it I was supposed to be doing…?

Bizarro, 9/10/24

Airport Security: “Arbitrary, opaque bureaucratic intrusions or world-historical cruelty and oppression? Make up your mind, buddy, you’re holding up the line!”
Me: “I’m thinking, I’m thinking!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/24

♭♪ “Sit on, Truck Tyler, sit on!” ♮♬

—Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, Blondie, and Shoe, 9/4/24

Look, we’d all like to believe that works of art spring from the pure, isolated genius of their creator’s mind, but when you’re talking about a commercial and ongoing project like a daily comic strip, obviously the whole thing ends up being affected by the desires and needs of your audience. You gotta give ’em what they want! The creators of legacy strips are acutely aware that the “’em” in this case is “old people” and what they want is news they can use, like “Ha ha, there sure are a bunch of crazy ‘social media’ sites these days,” “Hey, did you know that you can make money on playing video games? Maybe that grandson of yours isn’t such a screwup after all,” and “Tired of pissing yourself? Well, here’s some unexpected good news!”

Six Chix, 9/4/24

This blog is itself a work of art in dialogue with its audience (literally, given the comment section), and apparently what you want is my funny, erudite, and occasionally lengthy riffs on the strips, which I’m happy to deliver! But it is my blog, after all, and sometimes what I want out of it is to just post a strip I read today and say “I don’t like this”, so here you go. Today’s Six Chix: I don’t like this!

Dennis the Menace, 9/4/24

Many years ago, an ex of mine had to go to traffic school to get points from a moving violation taken off her license. At the time, there were various kinds of theme schools you could go to, and she signed up for something that billed itself as “comedy driving school.” After her class, I asked her how it went, and she said, absolutely steaming mad, that “Someone needs to tell that guy that there’s a difference between being funny and being in a really good mood,” a formulation I think about all the time. Anyway, someone needs to tell the Dennis the Menace team that there’s a difference between being a menace and wasting everyone’s time because you’re one of the dumbest people alive and have no filter or sense of embarrassment about it!