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Blondie, 12/23/21

Not to be smug, but the idea that cowboys on long-range cattle drives would kill the cows they were being paid to transport to market and then butcher and eat them out on the trail rang extremely false to me when I read this, and after about 15 seconds of Googling I found a Medium post from “a CPA who writes about a diverse set of topics including the American West, entrerpreneurship [sic], and the legalization of cannabis” that affirms my previously held opinion, so I’m going to go ahead and declare victory on this one. I’m not even going to bother looking up research on how many fortysomething dads are watching old western films with their teenage sons in real life in the year of our lord 2021, because I’m very sure the answer is zero.

Hi and Lois, 12/23/21

I was going to make fun of this, but you know what? I absolutely buy that two grade schoolers would believe that Santa only grew his beard out five years ago. “Yeah, five years ago is the first time I remember seeing him with a beard,” they think. “This tracks.”

Dick Tracy, 12/23/21

“I managed a small accounting firm! I don’t have any background in sex work. This is a mismatch to my skills and I resent it!”

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Dick Tracy, 12/10/21

Ever since the raid on Apparatus HQ, Dick’s been hard at work down in the phrenology lab, trying to determine if the Ace of Spades’s gimp mask concealed a sloping Italianate brow, or, worse, the lantern jaw of an Irishman.

Blondie, 12/10/21

[adds “nice, plump gobbler combo” to the list of phrases that if I encounter them again I will immediately call the police]

Mary Worth, 12/10/21

God damn it, if this isn’t some kind of Wilbur fantasty sequence I am calling on all Comics Curmudgeon readers to immediately riot in the streets!!!! THEY CAN’T GET AWAY WITH THIS

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/10/21

She … she called the news hotline and told them all about it? Try to keep up, kid.

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Crankshaft, 12/6/21

Look, it’s not that I want to be a comics curmudgeon, all the time; sometimes it’s just important to me that comics do a better job of really zeroing in on the ideas they have instead of just running with the first iteration of a gag they come up with. So, like, with “Crankshaft is befuddled and angered by the modern world”: the thing where Ed’s favorite gardening catalog and then went out of business but got bought out by a blog or something is dumb and I don’t care for it. But Ed getting conned by a nootropics snake oil scam, which he presumably got wind of from a Facebook ad or an email forward, is definitely something I can get behind.

Blondie, 12/6/21

I think of Dagwood and Blondie as “old people,” to go along with the title of this post, because they were adults when I was a kid, but I guess they’re actually not old at all. They’re probably younger than I am now! Ha ha! Oh, life is so short and so fleeting! Anyway, if you’ve ever wondered what sort of sex stuff these two are into, it turns out it’s somehow both more banal and more distasteful than you could’ve imagined.