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Mary Worth, 11/18/21

This is, even within the context of a Wilbur storyline in Mary Worth, extremely sad. Remember earlier in this storyline when he was putting himself out there, full of confidence? Now he’s fallen back to his natural level, and it’s using “my own dog doesn’t even love me” as an attempt to get some pity-sex.

Crankshaft, 11/18/21

“Oh, wow, sorry my trying to help you has been such a burden! Sure, why don’t you drive from Ohio to Seattle and then sit in a poorly ventilated room with dozens of other people for eight hours. You’re 85 years old or whatever, you’ll probably be fine!”

Dennis the Menace, 11/18/21

Hmm, Dennis, your brand of menacing is supposed to be big and aggressive and flying in the face of society’s rules. Letting Joey know that you’ve already resigned yourself to your place as just another faceless cog in the machine and that he needs to as well is, ironically, one of the most menacing things you’ve ever done.

Family Circus, 11/18/21

“Did you know that you could be a parent and still dress vaguely fashionably, mommy? That you don’t have to dress like a dowdy old lady? You’re, like, 35 tops, right?”

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Beetle Bailey, 11/17/21

Miss Buxley’s face isn’t what you would call “expressive” — it’s more what I would call “blowup sex doll” — but given that she’s juggling multiple devices to fulfill her work duties while her boss, who has given her all these duties, waxes nostalgic about the good old days, I do think her expression is successfully conveying the correct sentiment in panel two, which is “MURDER MUDER MURDER”.

Dick Tracy, 11/17/21

Given that the Apparatus is led by a guy who wears a full-body gimp suit just to hang around the office and staffed by people like Doubleup, a dude with Dagwood Bumstead hair who carries a bullwhip around at all times, it’s extremely hilarious to me that they just have a regular-ass receptionist named “Joanne” out at the front desk fielding calls. I assume she sort of knows she’s taking messages about murders and such but in the grand scheme of things she’s not paid enough to care about it, you know?

Pluggers, 11/17/21

The periods at the end of the sentences here really make this one grim. “Oh hey,” the dog-man says, without emotion. “A wheat penny from 1955. Huh.” There’s no joy or excitement in this realization. He’s not even sure why he checks anymore, really. Finding a wheat penny is just another thing that happens to him, from a long list of things that have happened to him, a list that is rapidly accelerating towards its conclusion.

Blondie, 11/17/21

Sorry, I don’t buy this “eBay” business at all. We all know Elmo is a crypto guy, and he would absolutely be trying to sell Dagwood an NFT of his little bird, which would be a much more lucrative scam.

Crankshaft, 11/17/21

“I mean, it would look terrible, but whatever! It’s your video! You asked me for help, do you what you want, see if I care.”

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Crankshaft, 11/13/21

In one of the more jarring bits of Funkyverse visual shorthand, traditionally panels that are supposed to be flashbacks are depicted in sepia tones with corner tabs, as if they were in an old-timey photo album. This was true whether the action in question was supposed to be taking years before the main narrative or only weeks; today we keep the coloring but lose the corner tabs, so I guess this is supposed to represent a sepia-style Instagram filter or something. Anyway, remember those crazy days of March and April of 2020, when we were desperately trying not to shit? Crankshaft does! Maybe we just don’t usually seem him in profile, but in that second panel he’s looking much portlier than usual, and given the context I really don’t want to think about the implications.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/13/21

Speaking of the good old days, remember just a few weeks ago when we thought all these people might get blown up? Sadly, some guy we barely had time to get to know and dislike got blown up instead, so now instead of seeing Rex and June wading through a sea of carnage to use their medical skills to help the survivors get the hell out of dodge, we have to watch whatever this is happen instead.

Family Circus, 11/13/21

“And alone! You’re going to die in your messy room alone.”