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Mary Worth, 7/31/25

I guess the “Olive uses her psychic powers to save Mary from certain death” moment was just a prelude to the main plot, “Olive gets bullied,” which, as far as I’m concerned, BORING [comically exaggerated snoring noises]. There’s been lots of dark talk about how Olive’s psychic “gifts” come with “challenges,” which I guess means these girls are bullying her because she’s psychic, and I’m sorry, but the kids today have access to both the original Carrie with Sissy Spacek and the 2013 remake with Chloë Grace Moretz, so they should know that you do not want to antagonize the weird psychic girl! You want to be kind to her, so that once she snaps and starts using her powers to explode the heads of her enemies, she’ll accept you as an acolyte! Youths are not prepared for the reality of the modern-day educational landscape!

Crankshaft, 7/31/25

At first I assumed “old people” here was a euphemism for “unadventurous white midwesterners,” but unadventurous white midwesterners will fuckin’ go to town on jalapeño poppers and hot wings, so I genuinely don’t know what Ed’s after here. Can his increasingly rickety digestive system simply no longer handle spice? Does he need some nice lady to cut corn off the cob right there at his table, or possibly chew it up and spit it into his mouth?

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Judge Parker, 7/9/25

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that the cushy jobs Sophie and Reena got managing Sophie’s boyfriend’s family’s charitable foundation are in rural Norway for some reason, and also forgot to mention that April got a mysterious call from her spy-world frenemies asking her for one last meeting and then she’ll be done with spy stuff forever, they swear, and today we learn that meeting is also taking place in rural Norway, for some reason. Mostly I think it’s funny that April is all tough and prickly about being a badass spy and keeping herself safe from this guy but 100% does not seem to notice that Sophie is standing maybe 10 feet away from her and talking about her in a normal tone of voice? Anyway, the strip colorist is trying to add some visual interest by giving April’s interlocutor a goatee, and I appreciate their efforts.

Family Circus, 7/9/25

“You’re allowed to be whimsical and silly because our mother signed off on it” is one of the saddest punchlines I’ve ever seen in this comic, and since this comic is the Family Circus, that’s really saying something.

Crankshaft, 7/9/25

I guess Pam is gingerly trying to figure out if her dad has dementia? Not sure anyone would sign off on this diagnostic technique, but I understand the impulse.

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Mark Trail, 6/28/25

There’s a new Mark Trail adventure starting this week that appears to be about fairly straightforward environmental issues — poop in the swimming hole, I guess? — but I want to point out today’s strip because I love how tuff and mad about it Rusty’s little friend in the last panel looks. “Poop? In my swimming hole?” he thinks, striking a fierce pose that shows off his water wings. “Someone’s gonna get punched for this, I sure hope!”

Crankshaft, 6/28/25

Normally, if your dad returned from a trip to New York City singing a mangled version of one of the songs from the Broadway show he took in during his visit, that would be a good sign that he had a pretty good time. Not Crankshaft, though! We all know he’s incapable of joy. This just means that some sensory input got trapped in the malaprop center of his brain, irritating it — and, by extension, irritating him and everyone around him — further.

Dustin, 6/28/25

Ha ha, yes, Bon Jovi, the person who immediately comes to mind when a typical Zoomer like Dustin tries to summon up the name of a long-haired sex symbol! Now, it’s possible that Dustin picked Bon Jovi for this little rhetorical move specifically because he thought the man might appeal to his agèd mother, but keep in mind that (a) Slippery When Wet came out 39 years ago, so it’s fully possible for people with early-20s children to have been too young to get on the Bon Jovi train, and (b) Dustin obviously has never bothered to get to know his parents well enough to figure out what cultural figures from the past they might find attractive.