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Archive: Crankshaft

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Crankshaft did all this damage during work hours, so maybe he’ll bankrupt the school district too!

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Crankshaft, 8/27/16

I’ve been reading Crankshaft on and off for most of my adult life, and so I of course was well familiar with the eternal struggle between the title character and George Keesterman, whose mailbox Crankshaft routinely destroys with his bus, because he’s dangerously incompetent at his job. For most of this time, I assumed that “Keesterman” was an always off-screen presence à la Maris from Frasier, and it was only a few years ago that I realized he was the guy in Crankshaft’s sad little social circle who wasn’t what’s-his-face, the short guy with the glasses and mustache who owned the old movie theater and ran for mayor. Ralph! That’s it, Ralph. Anyway, this was hard for me to reconcile, because I had always imagined Keesterman to while away his days animated by a white-hot rage against Crankshaft, so why was he spending time with him socially? The answer, I guess, is the typical Funkyversian one, which is that all life is suffering and unhappiness, but today he’s finally decided to have his revenge by dragging one of his only two friends into court in order to ruin him financially. Should make those long breakfasts where they sit around and drink coffee and tip poorly extra awkward! Especially for Ralph.

Dennis the Menace, 8/27/16

Haha, look at Alice’s face in panel one. She knows what’s coming. “Don’t you say it. Don’t you God-damned say it.” But no, he said it, while resting a finger on his chin and looking up with big, innocent eyes. This the most calculating menacing I’ve seen in this strip in months.

Spider-Man, 8/27/16

It’s day three of Spider-Man getting punched repeatedly in the face and I’m here to report: watching Spider-Man getting punched repeatedly in the face is in fact p-r-e-t-t-y great.

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Rich kids smeared all over the cliffside

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Judge Parker, 8/25/16

Shout out to Woody Wilson for going out on a high note and handing Judge Parker to new writer (and friend-of-the-blog) Ces Marciuliano with a literal cliffhanger on which to begin his tenure. After barreling soberly-but-with-vodka-in-the-car down a windy mountain road, our triumphant but mysteriously nameless band (I nominate New Delhi Monkey Gang) broke into physical squabbling that knocked out Derrick’s tooth and marred his pretty, pretty smile, and also swerved them into the path of a giant truck. Anyway, today’s lovely strip probably is their frozen terror as they tumble down the mountainside rather than the final moment before they die (or, even better, the first moment after they die and begin their ascendence to Shitty High School Band Heaven), but, you know, a guy can dream.

The Phantom, 8/25/16

Oh boy, Kit Jr., has arrived at the Tibetan monastery that has educated several generations of Phantoms before him, hoping to bamboozle the monks into believing he’s an immortal jungle spirit! Unfortunately, it’s been a good several centuries since a Walker has taken up a residency at the monastery, and some of the geopolitics have shifted in the meantime, mostly involving Tibet’s conquest by the People’s Republic of China. If, say, Kit Jr.’s father or grandfather (who knows how old these people are supposed to be, even) had decided to revive this particular bit of Phantomic ritual, that might’ve put them straight into the middle of the Cultural Revolution and some real fun. As it is, Kit Jr. will probably just get in education in “socialism with Chinese characteristics,” i.e., he’ll find himself working for a cell phone manufacturer with a dodgy labor rights reputation.

Crankshaft, 8/25/16

Good news! Crankshaft is going to jail!

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Eros and thanatos

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Judge Parker, 7/31/16

Finally, everyone Sam and Abbey live with is gone for the night, having sex responsibly somewhere, so now they can have sex, responsibly! Remember, the Spencer-Drivers live a palatial horse-breeding compound and everyone’s bedroom is at least a half a mile away from everyone else’s, so obviously thre is a lot of special pleading going on here on the importance of having everyone out of their hair. I think they’re worried about the last time they tried to have sex, when this horror-nightmare happened, and they want to make sure it never happens again.

Crankshaft, 7/31/16

I like the vigorous wink Crankshaft is giving Pam in the final panel here. He knows he’s making a little joke! He knows this jersey is an inanimate object, and can’t actually collect Social Security! Since this is the first time I’ve ever seen him do this, I have to assume that with every other mangled wordplay-chunk he comes up with — the punchlines of about 75% of Crankshaft strips, in other words — he has no idea how dumb he sounds.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/31/16

The first row of throwaway panels at the top of the strip, which don’t appear in every newspaper depending on how they lay out their Sunday comics, completely change the content here. Without them, we just have a harmless, sappy series of nicknames. With them, we have Loweezy stalling a Barlow, the hated enemy of her clan in a feud that’s stained the hills with blood for generations, until her husband can show up with his shotgun.