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Blondie, 10/30/23

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about those haunted houses you can go to at amusement parks and such for Halloween, and she drew a distinction that really stuck with me: some stuff you encounter at these things, like decor with skulls and bats and other goth business, is spooky, and other stuff, like people jumping out of the dark and grabbing you, is scary, and not everyone is into both! Anyway, what Blondie experienced — a couple weird cosplayers coming up with a series of ever-dumber Halloween puns — is spooky, whereas Dagwood’s day, in which he once again had to weigh his emotional health against his family’s finances when dealing with his abusive boss, is scary. Here to help!

Crock, 10/30/23

Big news! After 48 years of doing a dumb comics riff on P. C. Wren’s 1924 novel Beaut Geste, as of today Crock will start doing a dumb comics riff on Albert Camus’s 1947 novel The Plague.

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/23

Is it just me or does the perspective in this panel make Dennis look like he’s about seven feet tall, but with the bodily proportions of a child, making him a truly nightmarish figure? Anyway, if I could change one thing about him, it’d be that. I’d like him to be a normal size again.

Mary Worth, 10/30/23

“Ugh, it used to be we would have sex, but now it turns out that people you have sex with sometimes have opinions? That are different from yours??? What the heck!”

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Crock, 10/27/23

If, like me, you have constructed a professional life that requires you to read the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock every day, you need to learn how to “make your own fun.” For instance, despite my usual attempts on this blog to humorously link Crock with the actual history of French colonialism in North Africa, I generally “hear” the dialogue in my mind in standard English. But what if these guys have been speaking in comical French accents this whole time? What if Crock pronounces the improbable name of the new man in the “computer section” as “vee roos”? That would definitely be funny, right? Or at least funnier than whatever else is going on here? Please, I need this.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/23

“Say,” the average Rex Morgan, M.D., reader is thinking to themselves, “now that this whole Rene storyline appears to be wrapping up, I’m left with a question: should I care about it, or about Rene as a person and motivator for events?” Here’s one Rex Morgan, M.D., character to give you the answer: no.

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Six Chix, 10/23/23

This is at least the second time that Six Chix has done a “ha ha, what if vampires got the blood they need to survive in very chill and non-scary ways” joke, and I’m going to go on the record as not really caring for it. Vampires are dangerous monsters who God has turned His back on, and they use their sexy charisma to lure us into complacency so they can violently drink our blood! The best case scenario for a vampire victime is a painful death, but it’s also possible that they can Turn you into one of them, another damned soul haunting the night and burning with a thirst that can never be truly slaked. If they can just order vials of blood on GrubHub or whatever it’s not fun anymore, and doing this joke so close to Halloween is frankly offensive.

Crock, 10/23/23

Speaking of the eternal torment of the undead, one of my least favorite running “jokes” in Crock is that there’s a live, talking chicken who is constantly being boiled in the fort’s stewpot, always suffering and never dying. This is a pretty baroque and grim bit for a newspaper comic strip; but don’t worry, deploying it doesn’t keep the Crock from its extreme shambolic laziness, as you’ll note that the chicken’s cook/torturer just kind of vanishes between panels one and two; changing the composition to accommodate all three figures would’ve simply been too taxing.

Shoe, 10/23/23

I love the Perfesser’s date’s heavy eyelids of ennui throughout this exchange. She has a truly odd and specific job, and when she first started out in the business, she thought of a fun little joke about it, but it’s been years now and even though she still feels obliged to trot it out … it just doesn’t hit like it used to, you know? She’s tired, you guys, she’s so tired.

Hi and Lois, 10/23/23

Is It Fun To Joke About Our Teen Son Being Horny? Opinions Differ!