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Dennis the Menace, 7/19/12

So, it’s pretty obvious that Mr. Wilson thought up this “bratwurst”/”worst brat” thing several weeks ago. The question is, how hard has he worked to make this moment happen? Because I can guarantee that the all the pieces didn’t just fall into place by themselves. My guess is that he suggested brats for dinner as early as this morning, then moved the sausage to somewhere unlikely in the fridge sometime after lunch, and made a request for Martha to start dinner just as he spotted Dennis on his way over. Even with everything as contrived as that, he’s got to be pleased by how well he threaded the needle and delivered his long-awaited bon mot just as Dennis opened the door.

Slylock, 7/19/12

Hmm, so it seems that Slylock can throw various creatures in prison for petty crimes based on circumstantial evidence, but when it comes to corporate pollution that could sicken thousands, all he can do is stand on the other side of the lake and watch the poison rise into the air. Perhaps his world and ours aren’t so different from one another? Except for the whole terrifying anthropomorphic animal thing, obviously.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/19/12

Do you enjoy solving Sudoku™ number puzzles, either in your local newspaper or in puzzle books you can buy at local bookstores and hobby shops? Well, now when you engage in this pastime, you’ll be thinking about the Sudoku puzzles having drunken sex with one another. Sorry!

Curtis, 7/19/12

Remember, the only thing Curtis likes more than money is serving his Demonic Majesty, Satan, Lord of Lies.

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Curtis, 6/10/12

Curtis, you’d better recognize your father’s sarcasm prowess, because for real, just getting up in the middle of a conversation during what appears to be the afternoon, getting into bed, and instantly falling asleep as a display of contempt is some serious next-level shit.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/12

Considering that Foster is Iris’s father, and dead, I was at first very disturbed by Mabel’s request that she “look after Foster” because he “needs you,” but probably it just means that Iris is going to be stuck with the bill for the funeral.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/12

Lots of people complain that the soldiers of Camp Swampy never seem to be sent off into combat, but it’s now clear that at some point they conquered Paris and looted all the good art.

Judge Parker, 6/10/12

With each passing day Judge Parker becomes more and more of a masturbatory success fantasy for its main characters, assuming that forcing James Cameron out of retirement and gals who can really fill out a chain-store vest are what does it for you.

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Curtis, 4/24/12

Whatever issues I have with Curtis’s repetitive and corny jokes (and I have many issues with them), I’ve always been a fan of the strip’s incidental details. The posters hanging up in Curtis’s room are generally good for a laugh, whether they’re extolling rap as an abstract concept or hot new rap groups like Nuns with Guns. Today we see that Curtis’s genre classifications have gotten more sophisticated (he’s traded in his RAP posted for a HIP-HOP poster), but really what tickles me is that he has a giant, textless picture of a triple-decker hamburger hanging on his wall. It’s the sort of thing Dagwood Bumstead would own, if he had any authority over his home’s decor.

Apartment 3-G, 4/24/12

If anyone wonders why I always think Margo is the best: This is why Margo is the best! Most of us, if caught drunkenly making out with a pregnant friend’s spouse, would at least offer some kind of half-assed apology. But that’s not Margo’s style. Margo’s style is boozily slurring “No … you’re out of line!” at her friend instead.

Pluggers, 4/24/12

Elitist Neapolitan ice cream reminds pluggers of the two things they hate the most: immigrants and race-mixing.