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Curtis, 3/2/12

Wow, so this is the moment when Gunk’s Flyspeck Island powers go from irritating to terrifying. “Have you ever seen dozens of feral cats devour a human being before, Curtis? They aren’t fast and mindless like piraña. The whole process is quite messy, but, ultimately, very thorough. We needn’t stick around for the entire thing.”

Apartment 3-G, 3/2/12

God damn it, Nina, you’ve made it quite clear to anyone who would listen that you don’t really care that much about having a baby, so when are you going to start caring about having a baby? Look at the way you’re dressed! Is that collar supposed to be ironic? Your baby won’t appreciate your hipster New York affectations when s/he’s an adult and looking at pictures of you when you’re pregnant! You’re dressing for two, now, so get used to us not caring about your opinions!

Gil Thorp, 3/2/12

Oh, thank God, Gil’s latest dumb moral crusade has finally hit the point where he gets to make a principled moral stand that achieves nothing other than irritating everybody and screwing up a potential championship. This is pretty much what he lives for, so presumably we’ve just hit the season’s climax. Personally, I’m more interested in those sheets of loose-leaf paper that seem to be giving Marty Moon his half-assed inside scoop. I’m guessing they’re what Marty gets when he demands “a printout of some of those internet blogs with the rumors” from whatever poor journalism student at the local community college drew the short straw and has to serve as his intern this semester.

Wizard of Id, 3/2/12

Ha ha, the drunken court jester used to have a dog that he loved, but now it’s dead! It’s his heartbreaking sigh in the first panel that really sells the hilarity here.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/19/12

You know how I pedantically insist on calling this strip “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith,” even though original main character Barney Google hasn’t appeared in it in years, having long ago helped it transition from “Roaring Twenties City Lowlife Humor” to “Depression-Era Hillbilly Humor”? Well, hold onto your hats because Barney’s back, baby. He isn’t named here but you can tell by his goo-goo-googly eyes (and a quick Google Image search).

I was thinking that Barney’s visit to Hootin’ Holler would be a happy occasion full of mischief and hijinks, but then it occurred to me: how bad must things be in the flatlands to get a fancy fellow like Barney to flee up to this impoverished rathole? He’s probably just a few hours ahead of the roving cannibal gangs. And the rest of Sunday’s comics weren’t that much cheerier!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/19/12

Like, things are getting pretty grim down at the trailer park! With the nearby forest having been stripped bare (you can see one of the sad few remaining trees in the background), the local mobile home denizens have resorted to burning their own furniture for heat. Or, in Reeky’s case, other people’s furniture.

Six Chix, 2/19/12

Over in Six Chix, a child’s penchant for thoughtless violence has angered a species of advanced aliens with the capability of interstellar flight. Best-case scenario: Our conquest and enslavement. Worst-case scenario: Earth vaporized by a powerful space-based death-ray.

Curtis, 2/19/12

And in Curtis, we learn that Gunther’s spacey bonhomie masks a deep and unshakeable longing for death.

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Mary Worth, 2/6/12

Ooh, fancy Nola has fabulous apartments plural, something sure to send condo queen Mary into paroxysms of jealousy. “Why, when you tire of your view of the parking lot from Unit 51, you can cut across the courtyard to Unit 16, just in time to catch the sunset rays peeking over the top of the freeway sound barrier!” Mary has prepared the sort of meal you’d expect for such a fancy guest: a steaming layer of green glop that she’s shoveling out of a shoebox with a trowel. “Dear, would you like some butter on, uh, whatever the hell this is?”

Apartment 3-G, 2/6/12

I’d like to believe that the sudden and pointless brunettification of Nina is a result of ongoing tension between artist and writer over the strip’s direction, and that the latter recently received a memo from the former that read in its entirety “ANCILLARY CHARACTERS WILL NO LONGER INCLUDE WHORISH BLONDES.”

Funky Winkerbean, 2/6/12

Sometimes Funky Winkerbean readers ask themselves, “My God, is there anything that happens in this strip other than misery and death?” Well, sometimes there are terrible malapropisms, delivered by people whose facial expressions make them look like they just received a cancer diagnosis

Curtis, 2/6/12

“He’s not tech-savvy like us kids, who print out emails when we want to show them to someone!”