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Blondie, 8/31/17

OK, let’s pass over the “joke” of this strip, which is … I’m actually not sure, but I think it’s that Dagwood gave himself permission to gorge at a fancy (?) French (??) restaurant because of this costumed tout’s sob story. Let’s linger for a moment over “That must be a fun gig! Getting paid to wear a duck suit!” Like, he’s a little too into it, you know, and it makes me wonder if he’s secretly [GOOGLES “FURRIES BUT FOR BIRDS”][IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT][NEVERTHELESS READS THE SECTION OF THE AVIAN ARTICLE ON WIKIFUR ABOUT VARIOUS TECHNIQUES FOR ANTHROPOMORPHIZING BIRD WINGS][BEGINS TO WONDER IF DAGWOOD’S BIZARRELY LONG THIGHS AND WEIRD BENT-KNEED GAIT ATTRACTS HIM TO DIGITGRADE SPECIES][HOW DEEP DOES THIS RABBIT HOLE GO][EXCEPT I GUESS IT’D BE A DUCK BLIND][OK LET’S JUST CALL THIS WHOLE THING OFF NOW]

Dennis the Menace, 8/31/17

Uhhh HEY Dennis the Menace, let’s have less of Dennis’s darndest-things-saying/fat-shaming and more of the backstory of why Mr. Wilson is still painfully hung over in what I assume is the middle of the afternoon???

Six Chix, 8/31/17

WHAT IS THAT DOOR ATTACHED TO

IN WHICH DIRECTION DOES IT “CLOSE”

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS GOING ON HERE

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Mary Worth, 8/24/17

When I was a little kid, I read Peanuts anthologies obsessively, which is a great way to learn about melancholy. Peanuts characters notoriously sigh audibly all the time, and like lots of children acquiring language competency, I quickly came to understand how sighs were supposed to be deployed, even if I didn’t get that the word “sigh” in these word balloons was supposed to signify the nonverbal sound we call a sigh and not the actual word “sigh.” The upshot is that I would say the word “sigh” as a kid when it was appropriate to sigh, and no adult told me not to do this for years, presumably because it was hilarious.

Anyway, this is a long way to say that I love Mary Worth’s tendency to put nonverbal signifiers, like “groan!” and “sheesh.” and, today, “sigh!”, in thought balloons. Can you really think a paralinguistic utterance like a sigh? Sure you can! Eight-year-old Josh was there to prove it!

Dennis the Menace, 8/24/17

Wait, so Henry and Alice’s entire wedding/honeymoon album is only six pages long? I can’t decide if this means that Dennis is right and Disneyland would’ve been an improvement on whatever they did, or if they spent their entire honeymoon and much of the wedding reception having vigorous marital relations, and the real menace is the fact that Dennis was simultaneously the product and the end of a pastime for which they once had great enthusiasm.

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Mark Trail, 8/9/17

Oh, man, we’ve gotten to the part of the Mark Trail storyline where Mark punches a guy and so you know that’s gonna get top billing on today’s blog post on Josh Reads Dot Com! As we often do on these sacred occasions, let us revisit the greatest sentence on Wikipedia, which can be found on the Mark Trail article: “His assignments inevitably lead him to discover environmental misdeeds, most often solved with a crushing right cross.” Today’s strip is notable because Mark starts with a right, and then, when Baldy McBankrobber neglects to fall over, follows up with a left as well. Bank robbing is a kind of environmental misdeed, right? Whatever, please spend the rest of your day enjoying Mark punching a guy in the mouth twice in two panels.

Dennis the Menace, 8/9/17

Who even knows to what year Dennis the Menace is supposed to be mapping onto exactly, but was there a time when kids Dennis’s age were supposed to sit in the back seat of cars but were not yet confined to specialized child seats? Because he definitely doesn’t looks like he’s a child seat, right? I think the real menace here is that Dennis and Alice have been placed in different rows just so we can see both of their faces easily. Doing things to make things easier for writers at the expense of narrative coherence is a menace against the literary contract with our readers!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/9/17

So I’ve been informed by more comics-savvy people than I that this dude is supposed to be legendary comic book artist Jack Kirby, whose 100th birthday would’ve been this week and who is being punished by an appearance in Funky Winkerbean as a result. Anyway, Jack Kirby’s advice to get a comics job is to have a portfolio of really great work, which seems … correct without actually being helpful?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/9/17

Ha ha, look at the kid’s face! He knows the answer is “no”!

Mary Worth, 8/9/17

God damn it Jared, why does all the stuff you say when you’re trying to be chipper sound like a threat