Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 4/24/18

A question continually bedevils longtime readers of Dennis the Menace, in whose cursèd company I sadly count myself: why does Mr. Wilson allow Dennis, his most hated enemy, to spend so much time in his home, disrupting the peace in retirement that he has earned? Today’s panel gives us a glimpse at the answer: Mr. Wilson employs Dennis as the loathsome equivalent of a shabbas goy, using the child as an assistant in the sorts of tasks that would already fill him with distaste or unease, so that he can shift his anger from himself to Dennis. Perhaps allowing Mr. Wilson to play out this twisted dynamic rather than facing his own emotions honestly is one of the most menacing things Dennis has done.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/24/18

You know what they say — never meet your heroes! They say this because you’ll learn that they eat food in restaurants and have ideas in places that exist in the real world, rather than existing as creatures of pure mind, I guess? I guess that’s what they mean, based on this Funky Winkerbean, which is otherwise incomprehensible?

Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 4/22/18

Acting as if minor changes in consumer behavior can solve major structural societal problems? Pretty darn menacing, if you ask me.

Pluggers, 4/22/18

THEORY: The pluggers most like to care about the welfare of animals … are the ones who are beginning to suspect that they themselves are animals.

Slylock Fox, 4/22/18

“None of those ingredients are real! Plus, eternal existence would eventually become a curse! Without the rise and fall of generations, society would be sapped of its vitality! Without death, there can’t be any true life! Please listen, you’ve got to believe me!”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 4/18/18

Ha ha ha oh my God they really are going to fire Wilbur, aren’t they? You know, I’ve heard some grumbling from some of you ingrates that Mary Worth has been spending too much energy on this Wilbur storyline, and all I can say is: how dare you. Do I want to see everything taken away from Wilbur, see him tormented by his sadistic creator, like a combovered Job for our modern age? I do. You’re damn right I do. Let me drink in his suffering! Ahhh, that’s it. That’s the stuff.

Pluggers, 4/18/18

I was going to make fun of this plugger here, but I then I remembered a couple weeks ago I was briefly convinced that I had a cancerous growth on my tongue but then after like 45 seconds or so I figured out it was just the shell of a popcorn kernel really glommed on, way in the back. I was going to at least feel smug that I didn’t need a medical professional to tell me this, but then I remembered a few months before that this spot on my gums had been bleeding and irritated and I figured my parents’ history of gum disease had finally caught up with me, but then I went to the dentist and he pulled out this huge sliver of popcorn kernel that had gotten wedged between my teeth for days, and then after that my gums were fine. I guess the lesson here is that I eat too much popcorn, but can you think of another cheap, delicious, and healthy snack I can make in just minutes in a countertop air popper? It’s worth all the drama!

Dennis the Menace, 4/18/18

“Ha ha, I’m kidding! Of course I am! It’s just … got any pills? Just a little something to take the edge off his ‘himself,’ if you follow me? Something I can put in his food? Something that would be poisonous if you put in a lot of it, but if you only put in a little it would just, like, slow him down a little bit? Remember, doc, you can’t spell ‘factitious disorder imposed on another, aka Munchausen syndrome by proxy’ without ‘freedom!’”

POSTSCRIPT: UPDATE TO TODAY’S PLUGGERS COMMENTARY: OH NOOOOOOO