Archive: Dennis the Menace

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Slylock Fox, 9/28/08

Dum de dum de dooo, what do we have here … why, it’s Slylock Fox, engaged in light-hearted math-based banter … with a pig … who’s working at … a … deli counter? Right next to a case that’s features distinctly pork-like offerings? This … this is an abomination! You just know that our cheerful cannibal is interested in the result of this little math puzzler because it can help him figure out how much usable meat he can get out of the hobos and lost children he lures into the supermarket after hours. The lovingly detailed deli slicer sure as hell isn’t helping, either. I wonder if our deli-man-pig maintains that creepy expression, with the frozen smile and huge, unblinking eyes, as he uses the slicer to turn his hapless victims into fine sandwich-ready meat products.

Yet more disturbing is Max’s fascination with the cheese, as he’s surely imagining the lady cow who produced it, who is kept in perverted captivity, complicated machinery hooked up to her nipples.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/28/08

Snuffy Smith more or less traffics in overwrought reaction shots. Usually, as in the second of the throwaway panels, these take the form of laughter so uproarious that it dislodges the tongue, and attempt by their sheer exuberance to make the strip’s lame jokes appear funny to someone. Even in this context, though, Elviney’s look of hat-popping horror in the final panel seems a bit much; to match it, Maw Smif ought to be pulling a blanket made of human skin out of her washbin.

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 9/28/08

Hey, everybody, you know what’s really menacing? Illiteracy! Teach a kid to read, today!

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Slylock Fox, 9/23/08

Holy mother of God, do I even want to know what the hell is going on in this cartoon? It’s possible that our towheaded youngster is proudly showing off some sort of disassembled taxidermy form, but it seems more likely that he’s going to put on his fursuit and ask the doctor to diagnose his other personality, “Fuzzy Wuzzy.” More disturbing yet is how intrigued the elderly medico is by the whole thing.

Dick Tracy, 9/23/08

In Dick Tracy, Dick learns that Diet Smith’s robocop Traze-R comes with a “mobile transporter,” which is apparently fancy inventor talk for “tractor-trailer truck.” Which the robot needs to get from place to place despite the fact it has, you know, wheels. Dick Tracy remains a howling narrative void of madness, is what I’m trying to say.

Dennis the Menace, 9/23/08

I was going to file this under “crazy and/or stupid” rather than “menacing,” but then I caught sight of the look of panic and distress on the piggy bank’s face. I suppose the torment and murder of anthropomorphic objects has a certain air of menace about it.

Mary Worth, 9/23/08

Toby, are you … going on the Internet? With this total stranger lady sitting right next to you? Have you learned nothing? OH MY GOD SHE COULD BE PHISHING YOU RIGHT NOW!

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Dennis the Menace, 9/9/08

Oh look, lovable scamp Dennis is up at three in the morning, watching … whatever show it is that features adorable bow-tie-wearing bunnies at three in the morning. Either it’s some ’70s kids’ show now being rebroadcast entirely for the benefit of stoners, or that rabbit is appearing only on the Mitchells’ television set, and it’s ordering Dennis to kill, in Aramaic.

Family Circus, 9/9/08

The fact that Dolly considers regurgitated worms to be “junk food” tells you all you need to know about what feeding time in the Keane Kompound is like. For deeper background on why Dolly is the way she is, consider the amount of ambient background radiation in the area necessary to produce the huge, lumpy bird-thing she’s spying through the window.

Gil Thorp, 9/9/08

Gil Thorp’s second hemi-century begins today in fine form, as we see Marty taping his weekly TV show. O Marty Moon, king of all media! Who was it who tousled your hair just so for your big TV appearance? Was it your team of professional stylists? Or was it you, alone, in your own bathroom, before you headed down to your basement, to sit in front of the “set” you fished out of the garbage behind the local CBS affiliate? And by “weekly TV show,” do you mean “insane seven-to-nine-minute drunken ramble about how Gil never wants to hang out with you that you upload to YouTube sporadically?” I think to ask the question is to know the answer.

Mary Worth, 9/9/08

“Hello? Hello? Wait, is this Ian Cameron’s hypnotically smooth and bulbous crotch, flanked on either side by lovingly detailed pants wrinkles around the groinal region? I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number.”