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Dennis the Menace, 7/27/06

I’m not sure if that’s Mr. the Menace in the background with the surfboard, but Dennis clearly is learning at the beach that his dad’s no paragon of hunkery. In this twisted act of marital warfare, he shows that he’s taking his menacing out of the world of mere mischief and into the dark realm of psychological destruction.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/27/06

Yeah, because it was so much more naughty back when it was up … on her … thigh? My guess is that in the original joke, the tattoo was somewhere a bit below something a lot naughtier (on her stomach?) and then the powers at be forced the poor strip back into the Herb and Jamaal Prison of Blandness and Inoffensiveness. (It’s not the first time it’s happened, either.)

Pluggers, 7/27/06

OK, even when I hate Pluggers, I generally get Pluggers, but this is just baffling. Do non-Pluggers hold their dogs in such contempt that they just say things that excite them, not caring about the emotional roller-coaster ride it puts them on? Do non-Pluggers just have extremely stupid dogs? Or maybe it’s that Pluggers are themselves quasi-beasts, and so their language is close enough to that of the true dogs that interspecies communication is almost possible? Or maybe, just maybe, it’s stupid and doesn’t make any sense and DAMN YOU PLUGGERS FOR MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THIS DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Anyway, if you’d like a little Pluggers spoofery from the fellow who brought you that TDIET takeoff the other day, click here.

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Pluggers, 7/7/06

OK, now I’m starting to get freaked out. Twice is a coincidence, but three times is pretty damn peculiar.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/7/06

Gosh, Elizabeth, that sounds like quite a lot of things to do! But it’s understandable that you’d be so busy when you’re switching jobs and moving all at once. That can be pretty stressful. At least you have a stable relationship you can rely on for emotional support. Say, what was that first thing you said you had to do again?

Wait, I didn’t quite catch that … where are you getting your car?

Good ol’ Gordo! I wonder whose happy, smiling, perky face you’ll see at the cappuccino bar while Gordon’s looking up the prices for the undercoating?

Been nice knowing you, Paul.

Mary Worth, 7/7/06

Speaking of sad sacks with mustaches, I give you … Aldo Kelrast! Whose last name is, as many Jumble aficionados in the comments pointed out, an anagram for stalker. And whose chest hair is on proud display. This would be acceptable if he was sporting some colorful ethnic garment from the Mediterranean, but a off-red polo shirt? Squaresville.

The Phantom, 7/6-7/06

OK, I had to back up a day to show you the awesome set-up for the Big Purple Dude’s two-panel-long slapathon. He has to psych himself up, thought-balloon-style, in order to not punch someone. These two strips also showcase two of the Ghost Who Slaps’ special powers: his super-scary voice and his awesome stripey ass.

Dennis the Menace, 7/7/06

Then it’d be a Plugger library! Haw haw! OK, that was just mean.

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Dennis the Menace, 6/26/06

Here’s one for the Crappy Coloring Chronicles: does poor Ruff have mold growing in his fluffy white coat? One of the fraternities at my college had a St. Bernard that they used as a mascot but otherwise left to wander the campus unattended, and he often had something greenish and inappropriate growing in the folds of his fur, so it can happen, but Ruff is the cared for by an Eisenhower-era nuclear family unit, not twenty or so perpetually drunk and irresponsible 19-year-old layabouts. This actually reinforces my belief that the coloring of the daily comics is done in some steamy tropical locale where the wages are shockingly low and mildew grows in everything. Either that, or it’s done by robots who are wholly unfamiliar with carbon-based forms of life.

Mary Worth, 6/26/06

I know it’s really just the crappy quality of this graphic, but I’d like to believe that Mary’s eyes are rolling back in her head as she struggles to comprehend the fact that Dr. Jeff has finally managed to extract himself from her clutches. The bold-italics of that last phrase in Jeff’s word balloon implies a certain note of triumph, and the way he holds up his wine glass for a toast shows that he’s going to do this dump job in style. Mary is enjoying a glass of human blood, as is her wont.

Gasoline Alley, 6/26/06

Meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley, a small child is about to be eaten by a bear.

Six Chix, 6/26/06

In Six Chix, a proud young person punches an old woman in the face.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 6/26/06

And in TDIET, a German family is baffled by the idea that non-Germans might be of interest to anybody.