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Apartment 3-G, 1/26/09

While a small but tragic percentage of people who say (or thought-balloon) things like “Who is this friendly, cheerful woman and what has she done with the real Nora Mills??” suffer from a form of mental illness, most people are speaking figuratively. “Ha, obviously this person is in fact Nora Mills, but she is acting in a way so at variance with her normal behavior, it’s as if she’s a different person! Which I know isn’t really true! I’m not coked up and paranoid, not me! Steady, Margo, steady…”

But Margo’s speculation may in fact be neither delusion nor elaborate metaphor. Because this Nora Mills has a short and kicky haircut, while the one we met earlier had shoulder-length locks with a Marilyn Quayle flip. Now, normally that would just be an indication that Nora decided on a new hairstyle, but in Apartment 3-G-world, hairstyles are the only way to distinguish between people of the same age and gender. (I was going to add “ethnic group” to that list, but then I realized, ha ha.) Thus, it is actually quite likely that this is an entirely different Nora Mills, possibly because Margo doesn’t realize that the first Google hit on a relatively common name isn’t necessarily the person you’re looking for.

Rex Morgan, M.D, 1/26/09

Oh, June! If you think you’re going to extract some kind of refund from a bankrupt corporation, let me sit down with you and explain the term “secured creditor.” Still, you’re also gamely attempting to seduce your husband by showing some leg, so I guess hope springs eternal.

Dick Tracy, 1/26/09

Like the rest of us, Dick has clearly become bored with this perfume storyline and has put on his cat-burglar suit for a little breaking and entry. Whether he’s doing so as part of a secret government operation, in league with a rogue group of law enforcement officers with their own agenda, or just because he wants to steal some stuff, it’s sure to be more interesting than the marketing of “Love Fire.”

Marmaduke, 1/26/09

“And yet he’s not here! Maybe this slavering hell-hound with what looks to be blood all over his teeth has something to do with that.”

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Ziggy, 1/17/09

I was about to launch into an ill-conceived tirade about Ziggy shamelessly pandering to America’s still-endemic anti-Italian prejudice with this repulsive caricature; however, I soon realized that this hirsute, mustachioed fellow is probably supposed to be Ziggy’s tormenter, the cruel, sadistic proprietor of the deli he frequents. The thuggish cook has put on a greasy fake wig and ludicrous Super Mario Brothers-style mustache just to show his contempt for the Italian people. (My proposed term for this act of hate is “oliveface.”) Since this racist bastard has been established as a nonsympathetic character, this cartoon is not prejudiced against Italians but is actually cogently commenting on anti-Italian prejudice. My proposed Order of the Sons of Italy-led boycott against Ziggy will have to wait for another day.

Dick Tracy, 1/17/09

So, to summarize: Dick Tracy, who is a prominent law enforcement official, is living right up the street from this explosion-happy professor, knows where he lives, has a wife who has entered into some kind of business arrangement with him, etc. Meanwhile, the CIA is on the trail of the guy, and rather than check with other law enforcement agencies, plans to implement an enormously expensive and completely impractical technical method to find him. In other words, this Dick Tracy storyline is the strip’s most shockingly realistic yet.

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Mark Trail, 1/9/09

“Dear Penthouse: I never thought this would happen to me, but one day I came home from a long trip early in the morning, with my dog Andy, and found my wife with both of her hands touching another lady! Andy is a St. Bernard! The lady who isn’t my wife was blonde, and my wife was wearing her robe! They leaped away from each other when I came in, and yet it still made me feel funny, somehow, as if I were seeing something unlawful! Andy sure is a good old dog! That’s why I take him on trips, instead of my wife! Later, my wife told me she had changed her hair, but I didn’t notice. I hope you print my letter! Sincerely, Mark Trail.”

Dick Tracy, 1/9/09

The current Dick Tracy plot is only just getting underway, but since it revolves around Tess attempting to market a Dick Tracy line of cosmetics, it may already the strip’s most laughable yet, since the Dick Tracy brand mostly consists of his impossibly square head and cheerful fascism. It’s appropriate that the final panel juxtaposes the phrase “doesn’t smell right” with a flaming house in which a scientist has just accidentally immolated himself, as the Dick Tracy cologne will smell mostly of seared human flesh.

Marmaduke, 1/9/09

When Marmaduke viciously claws at the eyes of random passersby, blinding them, his owner refers to his violent acts as “kisses.” I shudder to imagine her home life.

Oh, yes! Don’t forget:

(Thanks to Uncle Lumpy for the graphic! And vote for Ces and Medium Large, too!)