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Dustin, 3/27/21

For a brief moment, I thought today’s Dustin was an example of that lowest form of comic strip humor: a character in a strip being tasked with making a dumb joke more appealing by reacting to it as if it’s funny, which is it isn’t. But then I remembered that Dustin’s dad is a lawyer! Turns out Dustin’s dad isn’t just an asshole; he also hates his son as much as his son hates his children, which is honestly a best case scenario for the next few weeks of this strip as far as I’m concerned. Let’s get beyond passive aggression into pure chaos!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/27/21

You know what would make this strip a lot funnier? If you could see Harry’s face in panel two, and there were, like, tons of blood flowing out of his mouth and down his chin as he cheerfully declared “I got the gig!” And then panel three was cut out entirely. Well, I’m not sure if “funnier” is quite the right word, but I think we can all agree it’d be better.

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Slylock Fox, 3/15/21

I’ll save you the trouble of flipping your monitor upside-down and reveal the answer to today’s mystery: Slylock checked Weirdly’s pulse, revealing that his heart was beating at a normal rate and he couldn’t possibly have just finished up some vigorous jogging — and, of course, under Forest Law, invalidating an alibi is the same thing as proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. But the real tragedy here isn’t the usual miscarriage of justice, and it isn’t some lightly singed fur. It’s that Count Weirdly no longer gets a thrill out of his sinister laser-based pranks, or even from doing a quick change into absurd-looking “jogging” gear into to avoid punishment. His usual antics leave him feeling nothing, just dead inside. Maybe he does need some time alone in jail — not as punishment for his mostly harmless “crimes,” but for some self-reflection about what might really get his heart pumping again.

Blondie, 3/15/21

Speaking of people for whom the thrill is gone, I’m not going to say that dressing up in Roman garb and shouting “I am Julius Caesar!” on March 15 is the most obvious way to tell the world that you’re sick of living and want someone else to end it all for you, but it’s got to be reasonably high on the list.

Dustin, 3/15/21

Oh, man, if you’ve grown tired of the endless Boomer vs. Millennial (or, fine, Gen X vs. Zoomer) warfare in Dustin, how about we spice things up by adding Dustin’s dad’s (let’s say) Silent Generation-era dad to the mix! The important question for figuring out the dynamic: Is he an asshole too? All signs point to yes!

Crankshaft, 3/15/21

I sincerely hope that several hours have passed between the second and third panel here. Maybe even a whole day!

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Dustin, 3/8/21

Look, I tolerated it when the obsessive neurotics of the late lamented (?) Edge City tried to get into mild S&M, and I endured it when the neurotic obsessives of the gone but not forgotten (??) Pajama Diaries casually referenced their own kink. That’s because I what I felt for those couples wasn’t warmth exactly, but at least was sort of a mild contempt. But these two? These two I don’t like at all, and the thought of them having any fun infuriates me, especially if that fun involves getting horned up watching a John Wayne movie.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/8/21

“Or, p’rhaps when the fellas get a whiff, they lose all their inhibitions and our poker night will b’come an evenin’ o’ unbridled sexual passion, which we’ll ne’er speak of agin! Or the card-cheatin’ thing, that’d be good too.”