Archive: Family Circus

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/3/23

You know, the story of Rene is a true tragedy, and not just because he tried and failed to kill a late-middle-aged man, who then further humiliated him by risking his own life to save him from the sea. No, I’m talking about the fact that Rene does not love himself enough to see himself as anything other than a crook. He really did teach Sarah about art, before she got amnesia! He was a kind and supportive mentor to Galexia, his new-age grift partner! And it seems like whatever mumbo jumbo he came up with for his Augustus Mirakle persona helped Mud really move past some of his many, many personality problems. Truly, he has the power to help and to heal, if he’d only allow himself feel his own capacity for good.

Family Circus, 5/3/23

Jesus, look at how smug these two are at pulling off one of the dumbest wordplay act-outs the world’s ever seen. Thank God they usually despise each other so they don’t team up on bullshit like this more often. I hate it.

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Hi and Lois, 4/14/23

“I mean, look at these drips! None of them are charismatic or even vaguely attractive, and they’re already in high school and yet have failed to break 1,000 followers on any platform. We’re falling behind our peer nations! America needs an influencer moonshot if we have any hope of keeping up!”

Shoe, 4/14/23

“Ha ha, get it? Because of your many anxieties, which might be amusing for other people to watch you talk about? I’ve read through the HIPAA documentation and I didn’t see anything in there that says it applies to birds.”

Family Circus, 4/14/23

You notice this guy isn’t asking this about any of the other Keane Kids. “He sure is staring pretty intently at that bug … that’s probably curiosity, right?”

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Mary Worth, 4/5/23

Ah ha, we’ve finally arrived at the big dramatic twist in this storyline: Estelle has to convince Dr. Ed to go to therapy! I look forward to the next several weeks in which she gently overcomes his emotional reserves and lets him know that admitting he needs help isn’t a sign of weakn–oh, wait, what’s that? He said he’d be into it literally the first time she mentioned it? Ah. Well. I guess I look forward to the next several weeks in which he tries to figure out if Estelle’s therapist takes his insurance.

Family Circus, 4/5/23

Look, Dolly, I get that your whole job is saying the darnedest things, and there are only so many darnedest things available to say in the relatively limited space of a Family Circus caption, but I feel it’s very important that you not imply some kind of appliance vore fetish scenario here, because this panel will get posted in some web forums that none of us will be comfortable with.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/5/23

I think there’s something of a divide between people who say “fucking” to mean any kind of sex stuff generally, and people who say it to mean specifically p-in-v or -a intercourse. We know Eddie’s had a longtime romantic relationship with a mermaid, and today I guess we’re learning that this relationship’s sexual component has fallen into definition one but not definition two above — at least so far. I mean, that’s what this strip’s about, right? The prospect of penetrative sex with a mermaid? It’s not a strip with another joke that also slyly makes reference to “how exactly would it work for a guy to stick his dick in a mermaid?” Like that’s pretty explicitly what this one’s about?