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Mark Trail, 6/14/08

Ever since Roger appeared with his little pencil mustache, the odds were good that he was going to get punched; but what would his transgression be? Now it’s becoming clear: he’s going to try to put the moves on Cherry! Whether it’s because the sight of her pink shirt and mom jeans and essential purity has inflamed his passions or because he and Kelly are engaged in some elaborate and sinister game of “good porn producer, bad porn producer,” only time will tell, but clearly villainy is afoot here.

I know we’re supposed to be outraged on behalf of the Trail household at Kelly’s big-city sneering, but you have to admit that the scene is kind of rustic, and the hosts aren’t exactly up on what constitutes hospitality, if panel three is any indication. “Lunchtime, everyone! Here’s a big bowl of ice! Go on, eat up, I’ll make more!” On the other hand, the ice may have been requested by Kelly and Roger for their movie, possibly for genital-cooling purposes.

Marmaduke, 6/14/08

Hey there Baldy McNeighbor, you look pretty smug for someone who’s about to be devoured by an enormous, hungry dog.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/14/08

You mean everyone who comes is going to get really high and end up encrusted with filth? If only, kids.

Pluggers, 6/14/08

You’re a plugger if nearly everybody you grew up with is dead.

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Mary Worth, 6/11/08

Is today’s panel two the most unintentionally mirth-inducing Mary Worth moment since “my very own meth lab”? It’s sure got a lot going for it. First of all, there’s the idea that Mary and/or Ron are being followed at all times by paparazzi determined to catch them canoodling sexily at one of Santa Royale’s swankiest midscale ethnic restaurants. I mean, obviously Santa Royale is the most boring city in America, but surely it can’t be so boring that the dining life of newly appointed/elected town councilmen is front page news, or any page news. Are there no zoning disputes? Are there no kittens caught in trees? Couldn’t those column inches be more productively filled with classified advertising, or legal notices?

Then there’s Jeff’s palpable and hilarious outrage. He just spent a whole series of strips arguing with Mary because she was going to blow off date night with him to go spend time with another man, and here he has photographic proof that … she spent time with the man she said she was going to spend time with! I’d say that he’s really upset about the public humiliation, but I can’t imagine that anything could be more publicly humiliating than being Mary Worth’s asexual not-boyfriend.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/11/08

I really had to go back and look carefully at the first panel of this strip and see that there was a rubber glove lying idly on the toolbench, because for a moment I thought that Ellie had torn off one of her own hands and hurled it at her lazy husband in a fit of rage.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/11/08

Ha, it’s funny because (choose one):

• Herb’s wife has a terrible substance abuse problem and Herb needs to keep that $1,800 from going up her nose.
• Herb has a terrible gambling problem and wants to play that $1,800 at the greyhound track before his wife fritters it away on groceries and health insurance.
• Herb’s wife is not allowed to watch TV or read the newspaper or go online, so she has no idea what this “stimulus check” of which you speak is.

Crankshaft, 6/11/08

I suppose this is supposed to be some kind of store window display, but I really, really want to believe that Crankshaft’s daughter, desperate to find something that will keep her belligerent, disoriented father entertained, has taken him to a peep show that either has been cleaned up for family newspaper or is catering to a very specific fetish. Of course, if that were the case he’d be saying, “I guess that’s what you’d call ‘Socks in the City.'”

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Mark Trail, 6/9/08

Is it just me or is Cherry actually looking a little excited about Kelly Welly coming to Lost Forest and asking her do things that might be outside of her comfort zone? With Mark once again dropping by for thirty seconds, talking to her like she’s eleven years old (just because you’re an emotionally arrested man-child doesn’t mean everybody is, Mark), and then fleeing into the woods, poor Cherry needs to have her fun somehow. Admittedly, girl-on-girl action in Mark Trail would be among the least hot girl-on-girl action in any daily comic strip (not as sexy as it would be in Herb and Jamaal, but probably sexier than it would be in Cathy), but anything’s gotta be more interesting than Mark handing out free puppies to sad little girls.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/9/08

Oh, it’s ever so appropriate that Liz will be finally shoved headlong into the spiritual and emotional death that her marriage to Anthony represents by the looming specter of her grandfather’s actual death. That’s the great circle of death, is what that is.

Judge Parker, 6/9/08

“Bales and bales of awesome weed … all gone! That’s the sad part. Oh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…”